For those who are used to “sleeping” at work, and spending only weekends with loved ones, the New Year holidays can be a real challenge. We suddenly notice that we are annoying each other, or we feel an inexplicable anxiety that we cannot cope with. So how can you protect yourself from disagreements and quarrels during the holidays?
We look forward to the New Year, choose gifts, make plans. December, full of deadlines, is about to be left behind, and ahead is a week of New Year holidays that seems like an eternity. The long-awaited weekend is coming, but we feel that it does not live up to expectations. We become irritable, quick-tempered and easily quarrel with those closest to us — with those with whom we dreamed of spending the New Year’s week. Why is this happening?
Wear and tear throughout the year has long become the norm, and as a result, it turns out that we are not ready for the free time that has suddenly fallen on us. Difficult December, pre-New Year’s hype — the last few months we have been living at an accelerated pace. In this state, they were focused on completing tasks, and there was critically not enough time for themselves.
The onset of the holidays has thrown us too abruptly into “doing nothing” mode, as if an athlete running a marathon suddenly stops abruptly. And although we were so looking forward to the weekend, imagined how we would relax and have fun, instead of the cherished relaxation, January met with a feeling of discomfort and emptiness.
Even if you’ve already made a long list of things to do during the holidays, be prepared to cancel events sometimes.
Anxieties, fears, dissatisfaction — everything that we diligently ignored in the last months of the year suddenly bursts out. Often we find it difficult to put into words what a sudden change of mood or apathy is associated with. We are a little like children who have not yet learned to express feelings, but feel a vague discomfort inside. This condition is unusual, and we want to get rid of it as soon as possible.
We choose a method that is familiar, namely, we begin to do something. Someone, coping with anxiety, washes the apartment to shine. Someone decides to spend the whole day watching TV shows or go on a quest with friends that will make them really scared. There is nothing wrong with these classes. The question is why we choose them on holidays. Emotions from a watched movie or a completed quest help to displace one’s own experiences, to distract from the covering emptiness.
If we can’t find something that will distract us, fill us with new impressions, discomfort breaks out, and we become irritable and quick-tempered, we break down on relatives. At this time, old grievances usually surface. In everyday bustle, it seemed that we had long forgotten about them, but now they reminded of themselves again. The situation is aggravated if the same thing happens to a loved one with whom we are angry: he also ran the New Year’s Eve marathon all December and also feels lost.
How can you help yourself and your loved ones?
- Allow each other more personal space. It seems that the weekend is a great opportunity to finally be together 24 hours a day, but this is not always the case. This closeness can be traumatic for both of you, especially if you usually spend most of your time apart. You may want to take a walk alone — don’t berate yourself for not making time for your loved one. Try also to be sympathetic to the partner’s refusal to go with you to the skating rink or to visit. This does not mean that you need to spend the holidays separately, just remember: each of you needs to restore resources.
- Be attentive to your condition. Even if you’ve already made a long list of things to do during the holidays, be prepared to sometimes cancel events and just laze around at home. In a few hours alone with yourself, you can sometimes learn much more than after visiting an exhibition or a museum. Give yourself permission to just do nothing and don’t berate yourself for not being productive enough right now and not doing the whole program for a maximum of the weekend.
- When planning holidays, do not forget to compare expectations with the expectations of loved ones. Perhaps you are already looking forward to outdoor activities, trips out of town, and your partner dreams of a relaxed weekend on the couch. Be more attentive to the state of each other, ask if he really wants to go to the party now, as you planned. Such clarifications allow you to check whether you are correctly capturing each other’s states and help prevent quarrels.
New Year is associated with magic and the fulfillment of desires. But even if for some reason the miracle you were waiting for did not happen, remember that there is a place for it on any day, including after the holidays.