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Why a child should not be put in a corner: the opinion of a psychologist
According to experts, this old method of punishment makes the baby feel humiliated and can injure the child’s psyche.
Remember the terrible story about the boy whose stepfather put his knees on buckwheat? They tortured the boy for so long that dry cereal grew under his skin … Of course, such a punishment is out of the ordinary. And if it is just about putting it in a corner or even putting it on a special chair?
Punishment does not always have to be harsh and harsh. Some psychologists argue that children under 4 years old should not be punished at all. But it happens that children become uncontrollable. It seems that devils are inhabiting them: it is as if they do not hear their parents. Then the father usually grabs the belt (at least to scare), and the mother threatens with a corner. It is not right. A child does not have to feel physically ill in order to realize his guilt. In any quarrels, there should be a dialogue, and not a monologue of the one who is stronger.
Together with a psychologist, we figure out why putting children in a corner is a bad idea.
In fact, standing in a corner will not make your baby more obedient or smarter.
“You cannot put a child in a corner, guided only by emotions. You cannot punish the kid for those actions that the parents simply did not like. Without explaining the reasons, without clear and understandable instructions why this should not be done, ”the expert says.
It is worth considering age and individual characteristics. In young children, attention is not as developed as in older children. And kids can just play, switch to something else and forget about the promises made to you. You cannot be punished for this, you need to be patient and sensitive.
The child’s reaction to an angle, as to any punishment, is unpredictable. Some children, standing in a corner, will be sure that by doing so they have atoned for their guilt. Others withdraw into themselves, while others develop aggression.
Whether the child’s behavior will improve after the punishment, whether he understands something or not, depends on the way he was put in a corner: with a cry, aggression, as a joke, or something else.
Parents sign their own helplessness
This way of upbringing, like putting in a corner, is often used in cases where parents, consciously or not, feel helpless. And in hysterics they punish the child.
Such inconsistent, often impulsive punishment can not only fail to align the child’s behavior, but also cause serious harm to his mental health. Before sending your child to a corner, it may be helpful to ask yourself, “Do I want to help or punish my child?”
In situations where parents constantly cannot come to an agreement with their child and they see a corner as the only way out of all possible situations of disobedience, perhaps they themselves should “stand in their corner” and think about what they have missed and what other way they can agree with child. And if all ideas and ways have dried up, seek help from specialized literature, programs to help parents in similar situations, or a specialist.
As a rule, in families in which mutual understanding is built between parents and children, it is not difficult to go through all the “capricious” age stages. And in such an “ancient” way of education, as a corner, there will simply be no need.
The child’s self-esteem drops
Most importantly, the angle punishment method has serious consequences in the future. Psychologists notice that babies who wiped the corners in childhood become insecure and have low self-esteem in adulthood.
Some parents believe that by standing in a corner, the child can calm down. But you can cool the ardor with the help of drawing or sculpting. Walking together with the baby is also useful. You should talk to your child, not correspond with your girlfriend on social networks.
The child believes that he is not loved
Have you ever thought that when you put your child in a corner, he thinks like this: “Mom doesn’t love me. How can you do this with someone who is dear to you? ” By using force, you distance yourself from your baby. In the future, you are unlikely to maintain a normal relationship. Mental traumas that were received in childhood turn into serious complexes in adulthood.
This kind of isolation is not only inhuman, but also completely ineffective. During the punishment, the baby will not think about how bad it is to show his tongue to passers-by or bite his nails. Most likely, he will come up with another prank and how he will take revenge on you.
Upbringing by suffering is unacceptable
Children should laugh, run, jump, be naughty. Of course, everything must be within certain limits. If the child is not capable of being naughty, this is bad. Naturally, parents should not let the baby do whatever he wants. In upbringing, there is no place for the use of force. Children must learn that the smarter is right. If you hurt your child, he will try to avoid suffering. Fear will appear. The kid will start lying just to avoid punishment.
If you are still a supporter of standing in a corner, then the psychologist has made rules for you that you should listen to, because it is important not whether you put your child in a corner or not, but how you do it! In itself, being in a corner is of much less importance for a child than how, who and for what put him there.
The child should be aware of the existence of such a punishment and in what cases it is possible (it is desirable that these were extremely exceptional cases).
The time of punishment must be determined in advance. Time itself should not be a punishment. Time should be chosen so that the child can calm down, understand what he did wrong, and how to correct his behavior. This usually takes five minutes. In some cases (for example, in case of repeated violation of behavior in the same situation or if you do not want to defend the five minutes stipulated by the contract), the time can be increased by several minutes or even doubled. But in any case, it is extremely important that the child knows about all the rules in advance.
Before executing such a punishment, you should definitely talk to your child and discuss the situation. Explain to him why in this case it is worth behaving differently, to whom the child can cause trouble by his actions, and why such behavior is bad. If a child harms someone, then you can offer him to mentally replay the situation, change roles, let the child understand that it may be unpleasant for the other person.
When you discuss with your child his behavior and give recommendations, do not do it in a didactic tone. Listen to the child, take into account his desires and motives, and together with him find the best way of behavior.
After you have listened to your child and expressed your point of view, support it with examples. You have much more experience, and for sure there are moments that the child did not even know about. When giving examples, do not be a bore, think about how you can interest the child in a new way of behaving, so that he himself wants to act differently in such situations.
When placing the child in a corner, it is imperative to clearly outline the essence of such a punishment. This can be done with the words: “Now wait and think about your behavior.” Here you can remind him to think about what harm he could cause by his actions, to whom it is unpleasant. And the most important thing is to think about how to behave differently. “You are already big, and I hope that in these five minutes you will draw the right conclusions and make the right decisions on how to behave differently.”
After the child has defended the punishment, ask him what conclusions he made and how he will now behave in such situations. Praise the child for the correct conclusions. In some cases, make the necessary adjustments and make sure the baby understands and agrees. And honestly and sincerely wants to change his behavior.
By the way
Once upon a time, the angle was not just the norm, but an absolutely ordinary phenomenon. Nashkodil – go to the corner, kneel on peas, buckwheat or salt. And by no means for five minutes, at least half an hour. No one was going to regret the children who had bruises and dents on their knees after such an execution.
In addition, the corner at the time of 150 years ago was considered one of the mildest punishments. How else our great-grandfathers and great-grandmothers punished children – read HERE.