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Unfortunately, many films, porn, and articles create completely wrong ideas about how first intimacy actually happens. Because of this, boys and girls develop false expectations and fears that prevent them from starting a sexual life or adequately appreciating their first time. What do you need to know about it? The sexologist says.
The first sexual experience plays a huge role in shaping our ideas about sex. If it is evaluated and perceived by a person too negatively, then this can create obstacles in building relationships throughout life.
For example, one of the most common dysfunctions in men, sexual failure anxiety syndrome, often results from a series of “fiascos” during the first attempts to have sexual intercourse. These «failures» are perceived by a young man especially painfully if the partner also gives an inadequate reaction in the form of ridicule or reproaches.
After that, the young man begins to experience anxiety and stress before each subsequent sexual intercourse, he develops a fear of “failing to live up to expectations”, “failing to cope again”. Ultimately, such a chain of situations can lead to a complete avoidance of intimacy with women.
And girls, many of whom have sex out of fear of losing a guy, may lose confidence in men. After all, agreeing to the first sex under the influence of manipulation, and not of her own free will, she may feel “used”. Especially if subsequently the guy does not want to continue the relationship with her.
Therefore, the first sex should be approached with special attention. Without false expectations and far-fetched fears.
What you need to know before you have sex?
«The first pancake is lumpy»
Most people, remembering their first sex, note that it was very far from ideal. The first time is perfect for almost no one. This is a time for experience, exploring yourself and your body in sexual interaction with another person. There comes an understanding that sex in life is very different from porn. Indeed, in films they will not show any incidents, experiences, problems, but in life they happen quite often, even among experienced adult men and women.
Most importantly, don’t judge yourself too harshly. This is only the first time.
Anxiety is normal
Absolutely every person, having sex for the first time, feels awkward. Of course, because there are so many fears inside: not living up to expectations, looking ridiculous, disappointing a partner. You need to understand and accept that shyness, insecurity, strong excitement and out of place movements are absolutely normal. You are not alone in this.
Psychological readiness
You should not strive for the first sex for the sake of it just being. Approach this process consciously and do it only when you feel ready. And not because your partner / environment insists on this process or manipulates. Remember that even in the process, you always have the right to say no. Phrases from the category “if you don’t agree, then it’s all over” or “I’ll be offended” are unlikely to speak of love.
Sex is not only about penetration
If the goal is to get pleasure, which many people expect from sex, then you should not immediately limit yourself to only one of its types — sexual intercourse with penetration. For starters, you can use other forms of sexual interaction — petting, oral sex, mutual masturbation. They can be even more pleasant than classic sex, and there is a good chance of experiencing an orgasm.
Safety first
To have sex, including oral, you need only with a condom. Sex without a condom increases the risk of contracting STDs — sexually transmitted diseases by 98%. Some infections can also be transmitted through oral sex.
You need to understand that some diseases, such as syphilis and chlamydia, do not make themselves felt at all for the first weeks, and sometimes months, as they do not have any symptoms. Therefore, it is important to purchase condoms and always have them with you, even if the partner promised to buy them himself. Think first of all about your safety.
And you should not fall for any tricks that it is “uncomfortable”, “not necessary”, “for wimps”, “I don’t have any diseases”.
Hygiene
During the day, a huge number of bacteria collect in the genital area, which, when they enter the mucous membranes, cause the development of various pathologies. Therefore, it is extremely important to take a shower before and after sex. Cleanliness of your body is not only a necessity, but also a sign of respect for yourself and your partner. You can even say that it affects the quality of the pleasure received. After all, few people will be pleased to kiss a sweaty body, not to mention more intimate caresses.
If there is no opportunity to take a shower, you should at least wash yourself or wipe the external genitalia with a damp cloth.
Partner selection
Sex is not only a physical act, but also a psychological one. Therefore, it is much more pleasant to engage in them when there are feelings and emotions for a partner. According to the results of many surveys, spontaneous first sex with a random partner brought almost no pleasure to anyone. It is important that sexual relations develop gradually. So the psyche will be easier to adapt and perceive new experience.
Pregnancy
Conception can only happen when sperm enters the vagina. This can happen directly through the penetration of the penis and fingers if there was semen on them, or by close contact of the erect penis next to the vagina. It has also been proven that spermatozoa can be contained in a secret that is released in men during foreplay. And although the likelihood of pregnancy when semen gets through the fingers and rubbed with the penis is extremely small, it still exists.
But just from touching the genitals, caresses through clothes, petting, oral sex, as well as getting sperm on the stomach, it is impossible to get pregnant!
What is important for a guy and a girl to know about each other
To her about him:
Guy can cum too fast Literally in a few minutes or even before the start of sex. This is fine. Why is this happening? From excessive excitement, fear, confusion and stress, and also because of too strong feelings.
He may not get up. Or an erection abyss Don’t think he’s impotent. Erection problems before or during sex also often come from excitement and fear of “not being liked”, “making a mistake”.
«He’s small» — very often girls pay attention to the size of their partner’s penis and are disappointed that it is not big enough. But before you get upset, it is worth remembering that the average length of the penis is 9 centimeters in its normal form and 13 centimeters in an erect state. The vast majority of the representatives of the stronger sex in a standing form have a size of 13-15 centimeters.
Him about her:
It is very important for a girl to be well turned on — if you want her to get a pleasant sensation and she likes sex, pay special attention to the foreplay. The first stage is psychological, necessary for the desire for sexual intimacy to appear. Usually it occurs under the influence of erotic stimulation (touches, compliments, superficial caresses) from a man.
The second stage is called forspiel (German Vorspiel) — foreplay. During it, as a result of sexual stimulation, there is a rush of blood to the walls of the vagina, which leads to its moistening. It is very important. Preliminary caresses for 15-20 minutes will help to avoid pain and enjoy. It is not so easy for women to get an orgasm, moreover, as a rule, they do not experience it at all during the first sexual intercourse. And this does not mean that any of you are to blame.
Rejection does not mean that the girl does not want to be intimate with you at all. She may not be ready yet. Try to adequately perceive her decision and wait for the time. Ask her to let you know when she’s ready to move on to the next level of intimacy.
“She said she was a virgin, but there was no blood during sex!” — no need to reproach the girl for lying. That blood is a sign of virginity is an old myth. In fact, in many cases, the first sex does not lead to the appearance of blood: it all depends on how the girl’s hymen was formed and how relaxed and prepared the partner was.