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Often we dream of a better life and deep down we are sure that we ourselves are capable of more, but we do not dare to take the necessary step. The inner voice insistently whispers: “be more modest”, “be quieter”, “keep your head down”. Where do these words come from and how to say goodbye to limiting attitudes?
Any way of behavior that has taken root in us and has become habitual once performed an important function: with its help, the psyche defended itself from something and adapted to circumstances. Previously, thanks to him, we survived, but over time, he could cease to be useful.
Take, for example, the prohibition to appear, to declare oneself. Once it could be part of a successful survival strategy, but now it only prevents us from realizing our talents, doing what we like, and getting a good income.
To get rid of it, first of all, it is important to realize how it was formed, from what the psyche had to defend itself at one time. Otherwise, we will unconsciously hold on to this mechanism, because it once saved us.
Why is a ban formed to manifest
1. Tribal history (exiles, repressions, dispossession, persecution)
Family history seriously affects our lives: attitudes that once helped our family to survive are passed on from generation to generation. The three previous generations have a particularly strong influence on us.
We may be afraid to express ourselves, because in the past such openness cost someone from our family their lives.
In such cases, the external event passes to the internal level: in the unconscious of other representatives of the genus, a conviction is formed and deeply settled, preventing the recurrence of a similar catastrophe.
For example, if a person has been slandered, arrested and unfairly convicted, his relatives will learn that you need to talk less about yourself, because there are enemies around. We may not know why we act in a certain way, but we perceive our behavior as the only right one and teach children to do the same.
To change the model of behavior imposed by the history of the family, you need to start working with a psychologist. This will allow you to stop repeating the patterns inherent in the family and develop your own models that are suitable for new conditions and a specific situation.
Working on family history is also important because it contains many resources that you may find useful. The fact that we are confirms the fact that the genus has coped with its task.
2. Internal settings
Each of us is burdened with the baggage of past experience — the conclusions made during life, which have become attitudes. Some we assimilate without even thinking, swallow without chewing. For example, if we have a strong attitude “imposed ugly”, we may not show any initiative at all, but at the same time not think about either the meaning or the justice of the attitude.
Meanwhile, in one context it is useful, but in another it is not. It’s one thing to write to a recruiter, specifying the fate of your resume, and another to continue to bother him, despite the refusal. Therefore, it is important to periodically revise beliefs: how useful they are now, what they protect from, and in what cases they are more likely to limit.
3. Physical injury
When a child is faced with unexpected corporal punishment or an accident, something happens to him that he never expected, and from this his trust in the world can crack. Doubts about themselves, loved ones, about their safety begin to sprout from it. Growing up, such a person lives with a feeling of anxiety: «No matter what happens.»
So the psyche tries to prevent the repetition of similar experiences
In addition, when we are faced with an unexpected, frightening or health-threatening event (we were hit hard, we knocked over a hot kettle on ourselves, we were hit by fragments of dishes broken during a quarrel between our parents), energy is born in us. Just like with animals: there is a danger — run.
But if everything happened too fast, we didn’t have time to react, or we were too scared, then feelings (a mixture of fear, pain and anger) get stuck inside. In the future, this emotionally unlived experience will each time “glow” with strong anxiety or fear in any incomprehensible and new situation: what if it “flies” again?
In order to allow yourself to manifest, it is important to “react” frozen emotions, work through your trauma. In the course of personal therapy, more and more energy will begin to be released: the psyche will no longer need to expend additional forces to hold feelings. Pay special attention to the moment of breaking the faith, when the closest person betrayed, put him under attack, failed to protect. The first step in regaining faith is to move into the present and feel alive.
4. Attempts to make us comfortable
An internal ban on manifestations begins to form when parents repeatedly refuse to notice the child at the moment when he experiences strong emotions. Most often, the reason is that they don’t know how to deal with their strong feelings, not to mention his. Trying to force the child to shut up, they can take him to a dark room or even to the entrance, shout, scold, shame, ignore.
Once again in similar situations, the child learns to adjust and adapt to existing requirements: he begins to shame, scold and frighten himself. Often this behavior becomes a habit and limits a person. Such people are afraid of criticism from others, but it is only a reflection of their ability to criticize themselves.
In this case, it is necessary to heal the inner child by learning to take care of that sensitive, inquisitive and inspirational part of yourself that has been suppressed for a long time. Contact with her can be found by taking out children’s photos.
We must carefully consider them, try to understand what kind of child this is, remember the details
Then you should tell him about the feelings that will arise, feel the warmth and “place” this child inside yourself. And then periodically turn to him, reassuring, encouraging, giving attention and support that he needs. By finding contact with this inner part of ourselves, we reconnect with our curiosity, creativity, and creativity.
5. Experience of rejection, bullying, ridicule of others
Like physical trauma, childhood bullying undermines the trust of others. Of course, everyone experiences such an experience in different ways: it is important to understand how early it was, how long it lasted, whether there were those who supported us and helped us cope with the experiences, what we eventually learned from this experience.
Due to the reasons listed above, an internal prohibition arises to manifest itself — a way of thinking and behavior that prevents you from achieving something really important, deprives you of strength and opportunities. To understand the root cause of its formation means to take the first step towards regaining the right to be.
This path is often quite long, but those who master it are rewarded with a sense of their own worth, freedom of choice, inner strength and solid ground under their feet.