49-year-old businessman Vitaly told us his story. He categorically did not want to become a father twice, because the first child was too difficult. But his wife was categorical and acted in her own way.
“I have been happy in my family life for many years. Even in a terrible dream I could not imagine that I would leave my wife. I practically did not cheat on her, except for light pranks in my youth on long business trips. They lived in perfect harmony, raised their son, traveled a lot: first as a three, then together, when Yegorka matured and began to lose interest in a joint vacation. It would seem that the child has grown up, is about to flutter out of the nest, you can live for yourself. But my Natasha was unable to accept this fact with her soul. She got it into her head that we definitely need another child. This is where our discord began.
I am perfectly aware of the fact that most of the hardships associated with the birth of a child are borne by the woman: to bear, and give birth, and breastfeed. But when Yegorka was growing up, the headache was enough not only for us, but for all the grandmothers and grandfathers, and literally from the very moment he was born. Not only was the boy born premature and very painful, but also the allergy tortured him. It was a whole problem to feed his son: he can’t either, and that. The slightest error in the diet – and we did not sleep at night from crying, because the baby began to have a terrible itch, he was scratching his skin until it bleeds. We were treated non-stop, wandered from one doctor to another, they were very afraid that our son would become an asthmatic. Only by the age of ten did the ailment recede, but Egor was recommended to adhere to the diet all his life.
And the transitional age … Our boy asserted himself in such forms that it is still scary to remember. Although my wife and I, hardly anyone could reproach that we paid little attention to the child: they took him to the developing circles, and to various sports sections, and they followed their studies, and they just always strove to have a heart-to-heart talk. But, apparently, each person has his own character, with which he comes into this world. It can only be corrected by education, but not formed. I had to go through a lot: teenage riots, and nasty companies, and a demonstrative craving for bad habits.
After he disappeared from home for three days, I got my first heart attack. The second was overtaken when, a couple of years later, my son in a nightclub broke his nose and twisted his jaw. He then thundered into the department of maxillofacial surgery, and I, on the floor below, went to cardiology.
After this incident, the guy seemed to have his brains in place. He again began to go to college, from which he was almost expelled, tied up with dubious friends, remembered about sports. Then he started dating a good girl, and all the nonsense finally got out of my head. In a word, my wife and I went through a difficult Egorkino’s growing up, became best friends with him, and he no longer considers it shameful to consult with his parents and show concern. Only now I can no longer boast of good health: my son’s jumps were deposited with real scars on my heart.
Well, okay, I thought, now you can relax and live for yourself at last, fortunately, the age is not yet senile, and there is money. But then my wife, who was no less grief-stricken with my son, felt the urge to relive the joy of motherhood.
Probably, the psyche of a woman is so arranged that for her the maternal instinct is higher than the instinct of self-preservation. I can no longer explain the unshakable stubbornness with which my wife sought to have a second child. She didn’t want to hear any of my arguments: they say, I feel my maternal lack of fulfillment – and that’s it. I have always respected her desires, but in this I was not ready to support her. My wife tried to pity me with tears, after which I again became addicted to heart medications, but did not change my opinion.
Yes, I do not want to become a father on the threshold of my 50th birthday, having barely learned the taste of life for myself. And this is not selfishness at all, just everything in due time. If in my twenties I was ready to stay up at night and sacrifice my time, now I can’t and don’t want to. And the body’s resources are not the same, and there are other interesting things. The world is so big, I want to travel so much, the business of plans is huge – is this a crime against my soul mate?
We talked a lot with my wife on this topic, and it even seemed to me that she heard and understood me. At least I stopped the daily pressure. I thought the issue was settled until one day she waved a positive pregnancy test in front of me. And triumphantly announced that I can treat it as I want, but this child will be.
That evening, the earth literally slipped from under my feet. I realized that my wife did not even consider it necessary to take my point of view into account in such an important matter. The point here is not even that she wanted to spit on my two heart attacks (yes, she is younger than me, and her health is stronger), but that such issues are resolved exclusively together. Natasha and I have lived for so many years, we have experienced so much together, and I thought that we were one whole. It turns out he was wrong.
I was simply pinned against the wall by the fact of impending fatherhood. I have nowhere to go from him, and I certainly recognize the child who is about to be born. And I cannot stay away from the upbringing of the person whom I gave life to – but remotely. Because I don’t want to live with a woman who defiantly wiped her feet on my future plans for life.
Divorce is ahead. All my relatives and friends condemn me in unison, they say, I was frightened of difficulties – and into the bushes. Yes, I will not flirt, I really did not want these difficulties. But most importantly, I felt an emptiness next to me instead of a loving and understanding woman. Who, maniacally striving to realize her vision of happiness, made me a hostage to a position alien to me. “