Contents
The difference between “healthy” love and obsession with having a partner
Psychology
Many of the deficiencies that we have in our affectivity stem from parenting models, and these can lead to a future obsessive-compulsive personality
“An obsessive love is born from the lack of oneself that needs to be completed,” says Elisa García, a psychologist specializing in trauma and emotional dependence. Therefore, when we identify a person who constantly looking for love We should not think that he does not know how to be alone, but that he does not find something in himself and needs to fill it with something external to him.
And this should not only apply to love, but also to work or food. These dependent personalities Elisa García defines them as “people with their own deficiencies” who seek to complete something internal with others: “It is not that they do not know how to be alone but it gives them a lot fear experiencing the lack of something they don’t haveThat’s why that love is always going to be based on dependency.
Obsessive-compulsive personality
But let’s start from the base:an obsessive in love is born or made? As in most, this disorder is created little by little and starts from childhood. The psychologist Elisa García, from the El Prado Psychologists psychological center, explains that many of the deficiencies that we have in our affectivity stem from parenting models, “from how we have been raised in affection.” «It is not 100%, because there are always exceptions, but studies say that there is a correlation of how they have been with me in childhood and how they have behaved in the affective field in adulthood, and there is a good chance that it develop in the same way, “says the expert.
Normally, as indicated by Elisa García, these types of people, if they are aware of the obsession they have, they tend to suffer a lot because they get into relationships with a strong dependency and that causes them a lot of suffering. “When it’s there is suffering and the person has tried to improve things on their own account or from their own understanding and is not successful, they should go to a professional, “he advises. “They need to understand first why they have this difficulty in loving in a healthy way, where these deficiencies come from and why they cannot be well alone.”
This type of people, according to the psychologist, are with others out of necessity, because they do not feel complete being alone, and in the end the dynamics that are generated are not entirely healthy because they range from the deficit of one of the parts of the relationship. “They have the thought that they are not well alone and believe that another person can complement their deficiencies,” he says.
«I was talking to a patient a long time ago and he told me that when he is alone he feels freer. On the other hand, I think that when you are well with someone, the other helps you grow and you feel more free than ever, ”confesses the psychologist. «When in a relationship there is freedom of decision and another type of independences, the balance is maintained. You feel like you are in a relationship that is good for you. On the other hand, when you stop feeling independent and you have the feeling of being invaded by the other or your emotional state depends on your partner, you begin to see that something is not working well and not building on a sound foundation», Concludes Elisa García.