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Overwhelmed by emotion, gripped by fear, overwhelmed by love… Three dads tell us about the birth of their child.
“I fell madly in love, with a filial love that gave me a feeling of invulnerability. “
Jacques, father of Joseph, 6 years old.
“I experienced my partner’s pregnancy 100%. You could say that I am one of those men who make a cover-up. I lived at her own pace, I ate like her… I felt in symbiosis, in connection with my son from the start, whom I had succeeded in consolidating thanks to haptonomy. I communicated with him and always sang the same rhyme to him every day. By the way, when Joseph was born, I found myself with this little red thing crying out in my arms and my first reaction was to sing again. He automatically calmed down and opened his eyes for the first time. We had created our bond. Even today, I want to cry when I tell this story because the emotion was so strong. This magic at first glance threw me into a bubble of love. I fell madly in love, but with a love that I did not know before, different from the one I have for my wife; with a filial love that gave me a feeling of invulnerability. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Quickly, I realized around me that the other dads were holding their babies with one hand and drumming on their smartphones with the other. It shocked me deeply and yet I am relatively addicted to my laptop, but there, for once, I was totally disconnected or rather totally connected to HIM.
The birth was really trying for Anna and the baby.
She had a huge surge of blood pressure, our child was in danger and so was she. I was afraid of losing them both. At one point, I felt myself pass out, I sat in a corner to come to my senses and walked back. I was focused on monitoring, on the lookout for any sign and I coached Anna until Joseph came out. I remember the midwife who pressed on his stomach and the pressure around us: he had to be born quickly. After all this stress, the tension subsided …
Small warm lights
In terms of atmosphere and light, as I am a lighting designer on film shoots, for me light is of paramount importance. I couldn’t imagine my son being born under the cold neon glow. I had installed garlands to give a warmer atmosphere, it was magical. I also put some in the room in the maternity ward and the nurses told us that they no longer wanted to leave, the atmosphere was so cozy and relaxed. Joseph liked to look at those little lights, it calmed him down.
On the other hand, I did not appreciate at all that at night, I was told to leave.
How do I tear myself away from this cocoon when everything was so intense? I protested and was told that if I slept on the chair next to the bed and accidentally fell, the hospital was not insured. I don’t know what got into me because I’m not the type to lie, but in the face of such an unfair situation, I said that I was a war reporter and that sleeping on an armchair, I had seen others. Nothing worked and I understood that it was a waste of time. I left, disappointed and sheepish when a woman accosted me in the hallway. A couple of mothers had just had a baby next to us and one of them told me that she heard me, that she was also a war reporter and wanted to know in which agency I was working. I told him my lie and we laughed together before we left the hospital.
Childbirth has united us
I know men who have confided in me that they were very impressed by the delivery of their spouse, even a little disgusted. And that they would find it hard to look at her “as before”. Seems unbelievable to me. Me, I have the impression that it united us even more, that we fought together an incredible battle from which we came out stronger and more in love. We also like to tell our 6-year-old son today the story of his birth, of this childbirth, from which this eternal love was born. “
Because of the emergency, I was afraid of missing the birth.
Erwan, 41 years old, father of Alice and Léa, 6 months old.
“’We’re going to the OR. The cesarean is now. ” Shock. Months later, the sentence of the gynecologist crossed in the hallway with my partner, still resonates in my ears. It is 18 pm this October 16, 2019. I have just taken my partner to the hospital. She’s supposed to stay 24 hours for tests. For several days, she has been swollen all over, she is very tired. We’ll find out later, but Rose has an onset of preeclampsia. It is a vital emergency for the mother and for the babies. She has to give birth. My first instinct is to think “No!”. My daughters should have been born on December 4th. A cesarean was also planned a little earlier … But this was much too early!
I’m afraid of missing childbirth
My partner’s son was left home alone. While we prepare Rose, I rush to get some things and tell her that he is going to be a big brother. Already. It takes me thirty minutes to make the round trip. I have only one fear: to miss childbirth. It must be said that my daughters, I have been waiting for them for a long time. We’ve been trying for eight years. It took almost four years before we turned to assisted reproduction, and the failure of the first three IVF had knocked us to the ground. However, with each try, I always kept hope. I saw my 40th birthday coming… I was disgusted that it didn’t work, I didn’t understand. For the 4th test, I had asked Rose not to open the email with the lab results before I got home from work. In the evening, we discovered together the levels of HCG * (very high, which presaged two embryos). I read the numbers without understanding. It was when I saw Rose’s face that I understood. She said to me: “It worked. Looked !”.
We cried in each other’s arms
I was so scared of the miscarriage that I didn’t want to get carried away, but the day I saw the embryos on the ultrasound I felt like a dad. This October 16, when I ran back to the maternity ward, Rose was in the OR. I was afraid I had missed the birth. But I was made to enter the block where there were ten people: pediatricians, midwives, gynecologists… Everyone introduced themselves and I sat down near Rose, saying sweet words to her to calm her down. The gynecologist commented on all his movements. Alice left at 19:51 pm and Lea at 19:53 pm They weighed 2,3 kg each.
I was able to be with my daughters
As soon as they came out, I stayed with them. I saw their respiratory distress before they were intubated. I took lots of pictures before and after they were installed in the incubator. Then I joined my partner in the recovery room to tell her everything. Today, our daughters are 6 months old, they are developing perfectly. Looking back, I have fond memories of this childbirth, even if it was not an easy arrival. I had been able to be present for them. “
* Human chorionic gonadotropic hormone (HCG), secreted from the first weeks of pregnancy.
“My wife gave birth standing in the hallway, she was the one who grabbed our daughter by the armpits. “
Maxime, 33 years old, father of Charline, 2 years old, and Roxane, 15 days old.,
“For our first child, we had a natural birth plan. We wanted the delivery to take place in a natural maternity room. On the day of the term, my wife felt that labor started around 3 a.m., but she did not wake me up right away. After an hour, she told me that we could stay at home for a while. We were told that for a first baby, it could last ten hours, so we were in no hurry. We did haptonomy to manage the pain, she took a bath, she stayed on the ball: I was really able to support the entire pre-work phase …
It was 5 am, the contractions were intensifying, we were getting ready …
My wife felt a hot liquid run out so she went to the bathroom, and she saw that she was bleeding a little. I called the maternity ward to let us know about our arrival. She was still in the bathroom when my wife shouted: “I want to push!”. The midwife reached by phone told me to call Samu. It was 5:55 am I called Samu. During this time, my wife had managed to get out of the toilet and take a few steps, but she started to push. It was a survival instinct that kicked in: in a few minutes, I managed to open the gate, lock the dog in a room and return to her. At 6:12 am, my wife, still standing, grabbed our daughter by the armpits as she was going out. Our baby cried right away and that reassured me.
I was still in the adrenaline
Five minutes after his birth, the firefighters arrived. They let me cut the cord, delivered the placenta. Then they put mom and baby warm for an hour before taking them to the maternity ward to check that everything was fine. I was still in the adrenaline, the firefighters asked me for papers, my mother arrived, the Samu too … in short, no time to go down! It was only 4 hours later, when I joined them in the maternity ward, after having done a big cleaning, that I let go of the floodgates. I cried with emotion as I hugged my child. I was so relieved to see them quiet, the little one had suckled.
A home birth project
For the second childbirth, we had chosen from the beginning of the pregnancy a home birth, with a midwife with whom we have established a bond of trust. We were in absolute zenitude. Again, the contractions did not seem difficult to my wife, and our midwife was called a little too late. Once again, Mathilde gave birth alone, on all fours on the bathroom rug. This time, I brought the baby out. A few minutes later, our midwife arrived. We were the last home birth in Hauts-de-France during the first confinement. “