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If a child is constantly looking for adventure on his own head and does not want to recognize norms and authorities, this can annoy adults. But stubbornness in the character of the child is directly related to high achievements in the future. How exactly?
The phone rings in the middle of the day. In the tube — the excited voice of the teacher. Well, of course, your «stupid» got into a fight again. And as luck would have it — with a boy who is half a head taller than him. You longingly imagine how you will conduct educational conversations in the evening: “you won’t achieve anything with your fists”, “this is a school, not a fight club”, “what if you got hurt?”. But then everything will happen again.
Stubbornness and a tendency to contradiction in a child can cause parental anxiety. It seems to them that with such a difficult character, he will not be able to get along with anyone — neither in the family, nor at work. But stubborn children often have a lively mind, independence and a developed sense of «I».
Instead of scolding them for indiscipline or rudeness, pay attention to the positive aspects of such a temperament. They are often the key to success.
They show persistence
When others fall out of the race thinking they can’t win, stubborn kids go ahead. Basketball legend Bill Russell once said, «Concentration and mental toughness are the cornerstones of victory.»
They are unaffected
Children who often go along with others don’t really know what they want. The stubborn, on the contrary, bend their line and do not pay attention to ridicule. They are not easily confused.
They rise after they fall
If you type in the search for the phrase “habits of successful people”, in almost every material we will come across such a phrase: they do not lose heart after failure. This is the flip side of stubbornness — unwillingness to put up with circumstances. For a child with a stubborn nature, difficulties and misfires are an additional reason to get together and try again.
They learn from experience
Some children just need to say “stop it” and they will obey. A stubborn child will walk in bruises and abrasions, but this will allow him to understand from his own experience what pain is, what consequences his undertakings can lead to, where it is worth stopping and being careful.
They make decisions quickly
Stubborn children do not reach into their pocket for a word and do not hesitate for a long time before hitting back. The speed with which they react to stimuli turns into rash acts. But do not worry: as they grow older, they will learn to be more prudent, and their recklessness will turn into decisiveness.
They know how to find what is interesting
Parents complain about stubborn children that they do not want to study and do routine work. But these same children subsequently fiddle with programs and microcircuits for days on end, set Olympic records and create successful startups. They are never bored — but only if they do not try to impose what they do not need.
They know how to succeed
The tendency to go against the rules and act contrary to instructions is associated with success in adulthood, recent research suggests.1. “Disobedience to parental authority is one of the determining factors of financial well-being, along with high IQ, parental social status and education,” the authors note. “Obviously, this connection is due to the fact that the rebels are able to achieve their goals and firmly defend their interests in negotiations.”
They are honest with themselves
Writer Clive Staples Lewis said that a person is true to himself if he «does the right thing, even when no one is looking.» Stubborn children are endowed with this quality in abundance. It just does not occur to them to play up and try to justify themselves. On the contrary, they often say directly: «Yes, I’m not a gift, but I’ll have to be patient.» They may make enemies, but even enemies will respect them for their directness.
They all question
«It is forbidden? Why? Who said that?» Restless children terrorize adults with such questions. They do not get along well in an environment of strict norms of behavior — because of the tendency to always do things their own way. And they can easily turn literally everyone against themselves. But in a critical situation, when you need to act unconventionally, they rise to the occasion.
They can change the world
Parents can consider the child’s stubbornness a real nightmare: it is impossible to force him to obey, from him there are only chores and worries, he is constantly ashamed of him in front of others. But stubbornness often goes hand in hand with leadership and genius. The glory of “difficult” people was earned at one time by independent thinkers, such as the physicist Nikola Tesla or the mathematician Grigory Perelman, and innovative entrepreneurs, like Steve Jobs and Elon Musk. If you give the child the opportunity to direct perseverance to what he is truly interested in, success will not keep you waiting.
1 M. Spengler, M. Brunner at al, «Student characteristics and behaviors at age 12…», Developmental Psychology, 2015, vol. 51.
About the author: Reenie Jane is a psychologist, life coach, and creator of the GoZen children’s anxiety reduction program.