Contents
- 1. Put your relationship at the heart of your concerns
- 2. Give your child their rightful place in the trio
- 3. Focus on time spent together
- 4. Plan some cool outdoor activities
- 5. Don’t stay isolated
- 6. Keep the flame alive
- 7. Make love more often
- 8. The parental room is your territory!
- 9. Treat yourself to getaways
- 10. Keep the children’s time separate from the parents’ time.
1. Put your relationship at the heart of your concerns
We all know today to what extent the transition from two to three (or more) is far from obvious. No more freedom, partying, impromptu trips, passionate nights and sleepovers ! Welcome dawn awakenings, double days and responsibilities galore. Becoming parents is heavy, and you experience it every day. We agree, regretting the “good old days” when we only thought of ourselves is useless. To continue the journey together, everyone must agree to change their pace, habits, priorities, life what ! Make an objective point on your relationship. How long has it been since you took the time to chat like you did before, to cuddle? ? Too long ! And today is the first day to regain your two-legged intimacy.
2. Give your child their rightful place in the trio
Caring for a child is time consuming, involving and grueling, but it shouldn’t stop you from having a rich and exciting love life. You are parents, okay, but not only ! Don’t let distance creep in just because your family concerns are draining your energy. Don’t just focus on your child, don’t make him or her bear the responsibility of being the only one who can make you happy. It’s suffocating, both for you and for him ! And to grow well, it is essential for a child not to be the only center of interest of his parents. Having a love life, becoming a happy man and woman again together will make you much better parents, because what is good for you is of course good for your child. !
3. Focus on time spent together
Parents often tend to take turns, to set up rotations so that the other can have free time. Of the kind “ I babysit Junior on Saturday afternoon while you go shopping, and you take him to the pool on Sunday while I jog ! “By force, we no longer see each other ! Any time together is good to take, so feel free to do the “chores” together. Shopping, preparing meals, tidying up the apartment… whenever possible, do it together… It’s not very romantic, but it allows you to spend time together.
4. Plan some cool outdoor activities
Before baby, you used to do a lot of things together. Even if you have less time, don’t give up on everything. Each on your own, make a list of activities you would like to do with him, the sports you would like to practice, or new desires. Compare your lists and choose an activity that both appeal to you, and organize yourself to achieve it by finding a suitable childcare arrangement for your child. You can decide to take an evening Chinese course together, a salsa course, wine tasting … Having a fixed appointment every week away from home revives the feeling of being a couple.
“All the moments spent together are good to take. Even the chores : shopping, tidying up the apartment, preparing meals … It allows you to spend time together ! “
5. Don’t stay isolated
Going out one evening a week alone or with friends allows you to take your mind off things. A restaurant, a movie, or simply a drink on the terrace, give yourself this weekly breath, because if you stay in a closed circuit, the impact of the difficulties you are facing will be multiplied. If it’s hard to find a babysitter, invite your friends over to your house. Seeing his parents having fun is great for your child !
6. Keep the flame alive
Even if you are very busy, show your partner that he is important to you and that you are still in love with him. And reciprocally. Tell yourself that you love yourself, because words of love are always so delectable. Maintain physical contact, hug each other. Kiss each other – not just little smacks – with the tongue ! Numerous studies show that real passionate “French kisses” disappear too quickly from the lives of couples and that sensuality loses a lot.
7. Make love more often
Physical love, desire, shared sexual pleasure are essential components of the development of a couple. If the erotic dimension is impoverished, or even disappears, the relationship is incomplete, even if the feelings are still there. Realize that libido is vital for everyone’s balance, including that of your child. Open “sex” dates “ I want you. I am waiting for you such and such a day, such an hour, such a place ! Even though it may not be spontaneous at first, force yourself to resume a rhythm of regular sex. The burning desire you had for each other will return …
“Libido is vital for everyone’s balance, including that of your child. Make “sex” dates openly: I am waiting for you on such and such a day, such time, such place. ”
8. The parental room is your territory!
The idea of being interrupted in the middle of the action by a curious little one has a disastrous effect on libido ! This is why your bedroom should become a personal space, and not a playground for the whole family ! Teach your child that you can’t walk in without knocking. He’ll fantasize that there are “special” things going on between you, scaffold theories about how babies are made, and that’s perfect, because that’s just how a
child builds his sexuality.
9. Treat yourself to getaways
Of course, you can’t go on an unexpected trip like before. You’re going to have to plan your getaways more, but that’s no reason to give it up. How about a little trip to Amsterdam, a big weekend in Italy ? Choose together a destination that makes you dream and go for it. Even if it’s once a year, it’s important to get together for several days, without the children.
10. Keep the children’s time separate from the parents’ time.
Your child needs you to be available for him, he can never get enough of your presence, that’s in the order of things. But he also needs to have time for himself. And you too. Let her know without feeling guilty that it’s time to go to sleep, that it’s parent’s time, and that you both want to be quiet. Establish a little reunion ritual with your sweetheart, once your child is asleep. Take the time to settle down, talk about your day, relax, and reconnect. Find topics of conversation other than your child. Before he was born you had tons of things to say to yourself, no ?
Daddy’s eye: Jérémy, Ondine’s dad, 2 years old
“Our couple was going into the wall”
“Gabrielle and I were an almost fusional couple, we were madly in love, we never left each other. We decided to have a child, convinced that it was going to be wonderful. When Ondine was born, it was indeed a little wonder! But we let ourselves be completely absorbed by our baby, we were exhausted and we were having a lot of headaches. We quickly understood that at this rate, our couple was going into the wall. I started seeing my friends again one evening a week. Gabrielle has resumed her yoga classes with her friends. I go to the park with Ondine and we prepare lunch for his mother while waiting for her. The hardest part is continuing to do things together. We really went out a lot before Ondine. It’s no longer possible today, but we found some cool activities to do together at home. For the past few months, we’ve been taking Brazilian language lessons online, because we’re planning to take a trip to Rio next year. Wahouuh, we found our energy! “