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How to reinvent your relationship?
What are the golden rules for a successful life together? The editorial staff gives you their precious advice so that your romantic relationship is truly harmonious. Because it is not enough to love to satisfy your partner …
Invent your relationship
Even before getting into a relationship, we all have models of life together in our heads. I will act as if, it will be like that, a real couple is that… Obviously, the model of parental couple that we had as a child in front of us serves as a basic reference. If we have kept a positive image, we copy our parents, if we have a negative image, we try to differentiate ourselves from them. They themselves were no more competent and had reproduced the model of their parents. It’s no wonder that conceptions of love life are riddled with mistakes and myths that plague the couple on a daily basis. The solution is to invent your own rituals, its own rules, its own way of living together, without limiting itself or forcing itself to do what must be “supposedly” done. In addition, it is also important that everyone has their own areas of interest. When you settle down with someone, you don’t experience things the same way as the other. This observation creates a painful feeling of being alone, separated from the other. We are faced with his existential loneliness. It is sometimes sad, sometimes maddening, sometimes disturbing but it is the reality. Continue to practice your hobbies on your own, keep seeing your friends on your own, so you will always have lots of things to talk about and you will painlessly endure being deprived of company.
Respect each other’s differences
When we love each other, we have the impression of being one, but a couple is indeed two distinct and different people. And it is not because we live in the intimacy of each other that we become the same. Fortunately, because it would be very boring to live with your double! Even very close, to me, the other, my companion, my companion, shakes my psychic balance, my image of myself, my vision of the world, my ways of seeking an answer to my emotional needs, my expectations… His presence to my sides shakes up my lifestyle and sometimes even my culture. It is in the order of things and it is by respecting each other’s differences that we become truly united. Nevertheless, you should not hesitate to say what bothers you about the other. Indeed, if there is a devastating myth about couples, it is this one: true love is to accept the other as he is, without trying to change him. It is impossible to truly accept your mate unconditionally in everything he does, everything he says. If this is what you believe, do not be surprised if he systematically answers you: “You have nothing to say because I have the right to be as I am”. Don’t hesitate to confront your partner with behaviors that bother you or that you find inappropriate. Say it sincerely, calmly, don’t question what he is, but the way he acts. Stick to his behavior and you will see that he will quickly make the effort to change to please you. Be true, do not cheat, neither with him, nor with yourself, it is what allows a couple to remain alive and to evolve together… To know “to put water in its wine” is good . But not all the time ! If you put yourself in question forever, if you bow to everything, if you are a champion of concessions, you will end up cracking. Why ? Because what is rationally accepted is not always accepted deep down. By force, a feeling of frustration and injustice accumulates over the years and one day, it is the clash. Do not hesitate to report what you are conceding and to ask for concessions in return. In a relationship, reciprocity is the number one rule to follow.
Accept the imperfection of your relationship
Living as a couple is also accept the tensions in the couple. Of course, we all want harmonious relationships and we do not live together to quarrel every day, but points of aggression are necessary and inevitable in the life of the couple. Two people who attract and choose each other think that the other will give them everything they dream of, fulfill them. But this expectation is totally unrealistic, it is inevitable that some needs will not be met, that some expectations will remain unanswered. Dissatisfaction gives rise to all kinds of emotions: disappointment, grief, discontent, anger, rage, jealousy, resentment, pain… It is the lot of all couples, including yours. We often imagine ourselves knowing the loved one by heart, guessing it, feeling it, deciphering it like an open book. It is a total illusion. If you think he has a funny face, looks sad, concerned, don’t take it away. Don’t tell him “something’s wrong, I can smell it!” “. Instead, ask him: “How was your day?” “. Don’t be always on the lookout for feelings and concerns of your companion, do not try to act to correspond to his wishes (expressed or not). Because in a system where guessing is the rule of the game, you can easily imagine the amount of confusion that occurs. The disappointments multiply and the adjustment is impossible to achieve. The accumulated disappointment then often turns into spite and everyone loses confidence in the possibility of a satisfying relationship. On the other hand, you should not be the only one to make concessions.
Express your disagreements
If you are stressed or disturbed, you must avoid attacking the person you have on hand, that is to say his spouse. The right attitude would, on the contrary, make your partner sensitive to what is important to us by telling him through the menu all that we have endured. We sit on the sofa and take the time to sip a drink and chat. Express your feelings and emotions to the man you love, What could be more natural ? To achieve this, it is important to identify what bothers us, what troubles us, what worries us. Otherwise, it will be impossible for the other to understand and possibly find solutions. Fuzzy accusations and generalizations like “I don’t like how you are”, “you are always the same” are of no use in an exchange whose goal is to better understand each other. If there is a solution to be sought, then it will have to be based on what is really important to each of the two. This is the only way for both to be satisfied and for the couple to come out better. It is also important to listen to it. For your exchanges to be fruitful, be open. Let your companion present his experience as he feels it, without judging it. If you have trouble understanding his point of view, ask him about the points that seem obscure to you, invite him to tell you his real reactions, to communicate them in full, ask him to explain to you how he experiences this reality. … There are problems that are resolved in a relationship just because you feel understood. We often ask nothing more of the other than to listen to us and understand our point of view.