We live in a competitive environment: if you want to achieve something, declare yourself, show that you are better than others. Do you want to be considered? Stand up for your rights. Modesty today is not honored. Some even see it as a sign of weakness. Psychoanalyst Gerald Schonewulf is sure that we needlessly pushed this quality into the back rows.
Ancient philosophers and poets were well aware of the importance of modesty. Socrates evaluated all the famous sages of his time and concluded that he was the wisest of all, because «he knows that he knows nothing.» Of a famous sage, Socrates said: «He thinks he knows what he really does not know, while I understand my own ignorance well.»
“I have traveled a lot and seen a lot, but so far I have not met a person who could justly condemn himself,” said Confucius. “But the main thing: be true to yourself / Then, as night follows day, / You will not betray others,” Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet (translated by M.L. Lozinsky). These quotes emphasize how important it is to our mental well-being to be able to objectively evaluate ourselves (and this is impossible without modesty).
This is supported by a recent study by Toni Antonucci and three colleagues at the University of Michigan. Researchers have found that modesty is especially important for building successful relationships.
Humility helps to find the compromises necessary to solve problems that arise.
The study involved 284 couples from Detroit, they were asked to answer questions such as: “How modest are you?”, “How modest is your partner?”, “Do you think you can forgive a partner if he makes you hurt or offend you?» The answers helped the researchers learn more about the relationship between modesty and forgiveness.
“We found that those who considered their partner a modest person were more willing to forgive him for the offense. Conversely, if the partner was arrogant and did not admit his mistakes, he was forgiven very reluctantly, ”the authors of the study write.
Unfortunately, modesty is not valued enough in today’s society. We rarely talk about objective self-esteem and tolerance for other people’s opinions. On the contrary, we keep repeating the importance of self-confidence and the struggle for your rights.
In my work with couples, I have noticed that very often the main obstacle to therapy is the unwillingness of both partners to admit they are wrong. The more arrogant a person is, the more likely he will be sure that only he is right, and everyone else is wrong. Such a person is usually not ready to forgive a partner, because he will never admit his own mistakes and therefore is just as intolerant of strangers.
Arrogant and arrogant people often believe that it is their religion, political party or nation that is superior to all others. Their insistent need to always and in everything to be right inevitably leads to conflicts — both interpersonal and intercultural. Modesty, on the other hand, does not provoke conflicts, but, on the contrary, encourages cooperation and mutual assistance. As arrogance provokes reciprocal arrogance, so modesty most often causes reciprocal modesty, leads to a constructive dialogue, mutual understanding and peace.
To summarize: healthy modesty (not to be confused with neurotic self-abasement) helps you to look realistically at yourself and others. In order to correctly assess the world around us and our role in it, it is necessary to adequately perceive reality. Modesty helps to find the compromises necessary to solve the problems that arise. Therefore, healthy modesty is the key to healthy self-esteem.
History shows us that arrogance and arrogance prevented many cultures and peoples from changing when change was necessary to survive. Both Ancient Greece and Rome began to decline as they became more and more proud and arrogant, forgetting the value of modesty. “Pride goes before destruction, arrogance goes before a fall,” the Bible says. Can we (both individuals and society as a whole) realize again how important modesty is?
Source: blogs.psychcentral.com