August. Night. Panel apartment building. The girl stands on the balcony under the roof and smokes. I’m downstairs, at the entrance, looking up and smiling. For some reason I have a flashlight in my pocket. I turn it on, I write with light letters in the black air: «I love you.» Courtship is a communication skill, the ability to translate and read signals, which today also involves recognizing the intonation of emoticons, SMS punctuation and chat pauses. What changes at the beginning of a relationship?
Most of my friends believe that communication is moving to the Web.
“He used to look for real meetings, cut off his home phone, met his mother! Continuous irritation is caused by the action “from behind the bush” in the form of social networks … ”- says 26-year-old Yulia.
“Social networks, emancipation in matters of sex have done their job,” says 35-year-old Dmitry. “In addition, there are many communities of (sexual) interests.”
Perhaps because of the ease of contact and the illusion of choice, relationships are fleeting: they quickly move on to sex and end just as quickly.
“It used to be slower and more romantic,” says 34-year-old Nastya, “now it’s more like a market: we met, liked it and immediately called home. Previously, they gave flowers, now they try not to give anything, because there are many girls who agree to more at once.
According to the observations of 42-year-old Natalya, “dating for six months before being in bed is now nonsense, almost fantastic.”
In everything related to courtship, we see a focus on the result, not the process. “Men are very quick to indicate that they want a relationship and behave accordingly,” says 29-year-old Olga. “Before, they could court without certainty for years and have abstract conversations.”
For some, sending an intimate photo is like giving a box of chocolates, an unobtrusive present, a sign of attention.
A separate topic is dating apps. There, communication and meetings are put on stream. “You feel like a product that you choose and choose yourself, — says 32-year-old Svetlana. “There is almost no place for courtship.”
Smartphones have penetrated under trousers and skirts, sending intimate photos is becoming the norm. “Jokes are jokes, but my mobile seems to keep all the ends of the world,” admits 28-year-old Tanya. “For some, sending an intimate photo is like giving a box of chocolates, an unobtrusive present, a sign of attention.”
Gender roles are shifting, women are taking the lead. “Now a woman can call somewhere and pay the bill, just because she wants to,” says 32-year-old Svetlana. For 26-year-old Maria, everything depends on the strength of attraction: “I choose, not me. Choosing, I seduce, if the object is not seduced, I switch to others.
“During the courtship period, both are not yet sure of each other, but each is trying to conquer the other,” wrote psychologist Erich Fromm. — Both are full of life, attractive, interesting, even beautiful — the joy of life always makes the face beautiful. Both do not yet possess each other; therefore, the energy of each of them is aimed at being, that is, giving to the other and stimulating him.1.
Courtship ends in possession of each other or continues in love. A flashlight is now in every mobile phone. Very comfortably.
1 E. Fromm «To have or to be» (Neoclassic, 2015).