Live better with perfectionism

Live better with perfectionism

Live better with perfectionism

Does everything you do have to be done perfectly? Do you set goals that are often high, or even unattainable? These attitudes undoubtedly reflect a propensity for perfectionism. It is possible to live healthily with this personality trait. Taken to the extreme, however, it can become unhealthy and greatly harm the well-being and even those around some people.

 “The signs are different from one person to another,” explains Frédéric Langlois, professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Quebec at Trois-Rivières (UQTR).

These traits can manifest in different areas, such as at work, in relationships with others, or even in everyday tasks. “Perfectionism becomes unhealthy when a person is unable to adapt the performance criteria that he imposes on himself according to his time or certain stages of his life”, specifies the researcher.

Perfectionism becomes unhealthy when1 :

  • you put extra stress on yourself to achieve perfection;
  • we feel no pleasure because of our constant dissatisfaction;
  • one becomes too hard on oneself;
  • we conclude that everything is wrong as soon as it is not perfect;
  • we fall behind in wanting to do too well;
  • we avoid doing things or put them off for fear of failing;
  • we always doubt his performance;
  • we arouse reactions around us, because of perfectionism.

From 2005 to 2007, Frédéric Langlois and his team submitted a questionnaire to patients attending an anxiety and mood disorders clinic. According to the results of their study1, participants who exhibited symptoms of over-perfectionism were at greater risk of developing psychological disorders such as depression, generalized anxiety or obsession-compulsion.

“The pathological perfectionist feels a perpetual dissatisfaction and a constant pressure which he imposes on himself. If in addition this person has to deal with a high level of stress, that occupies all his energy. It becomes more vulnerable and the consequences can be very harmful, ”emphasizes Frédéric Langlois.

Solutions?

How can a perfectionist break out of the vicious circle of over-perfection? The higher its goals, the less attainable they are. This situation becomes more and more devaluing and the person will compensate by demanding even more of himself. But it is possible to regain your self-esteem.

“The goal is to change small behaviors at a time,” says Frédéric Langlois. Very often perfectionists forget the purpose of what they are doing. The idea is to get to take pleasure in what you do, relax your own rules to make them more realistic and leave behind success. “

Above all, do not hesitate to consult. Psychological help can help change perceptions and set achievable goals.

Strategies to live better with perfectionism1

  • First realize that this habit can cause suffering.
  • Set very small change goals and gradually increase the amount of challenge to be met.
  • Recognize that there is a range of possibilities between “failed” and “perfect” and that situations do not always demand the same degree of perfection.
  • Notice that few people see the perfection of our work or are aware of all that it has required (no one is asking us to do the same).
  • Learning about imperfection by noting that there are no serious consequences (there are even many advantages to things well done, without being perfect).
  • Know how to seek psychological help, if necessary.

Emmanuelle Bergeron – PasseportSanté.net

Update: August 2014

1. From the newspaper On your mind, the institutional journal of the University of Quebec at Trois-Rivières.

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