Larisa Guzeeva: “I go first in conflicts with my daughter”

– Larissa, you starred in the Live Life program with your daughter. Feels like Lelya in such a good interaction. She is ironic, joking tartly, and you easily take these things as equals.

– And there is. We have a relationship of trust. And the further I think it will get better. And this implies that Lelya can say what she thinks, without offending, of course. And to joke, sometimes well, sometimes not. She’s just a teenager, and there are, of course, roughnesses, but Lelya is very kind. In general, I have pathologically kind children. I’m really scared for them. They are very open. This is probably bad for today’s life. You have to be a little more cunning, more resourceful, more pragmatic.

– They say that the character of the child is immediately visible, it cannot be altered, you can only instill the rules of behavior. Do you agree?

– This is true. It was immediately clear from Lele that she was stronger than me. And since I was already an adult woman, with experience, I understood that you need to behave especially with such children. If you are a stupid person and do not love your child, then you will begin to press, drive him into a corner, and as long as he depends on you materially, he will be in your submission, but you will lose him forever. Therefore, I gave the children a lot of freedom, probably even too much, because my husband later told me: here, all your upbringing. But it seemed so right to me.

But I can talk with them absolutely openly. I’m not lying, there is no such thing: we write three, two in the mind. Maybe sometimes it took on forms too harsh than necessary in relation to the child. Therefore, the only reproach from my daughter that I heard, and even from my son several times it flashed: that I did not communicate with them as with small children. But I do not understand and do not know how.

Recently Lelya said: “You have never seen a child in me, you have always talked like an adult.” Yes, but I can’t be perfect, I’m not Makarenko, I felt how to get through to my heart, because I love infinitely.

– Daughter, it turns out, there was not enough affection, tenderness …

– I think there should still be something pink, fluffy between the mother and the girl. But I worked very hard. And in the intervals between tours and filming, it was necessary to invest, convey, reach out, shout, and quarrel. Probably, it seemed to them that such a strict aunt came and ruined their idyll. Lelya called my mother mother, and they had everything by agreement, out of love: “on the pens”, “if you don’t want to, you will learn it next time.” And I understood that she needed to go into the world and needed education, languages ​​in order to integrate into society, to adapt there. The difference, of course, between me and my mother was read.

– And what did your daughter call you?

– Also a mother, but rarely in the open. For both of us, my mom was a mom.

– What actions of your daughter convinced you that she is stronger?

– I am inconsistent with those whom I love. I can flare up, but I quickly move away. Because my love is stronger than logic. I could never punish to the end, say: “You will not get this within a week” – and withstand the term. In a day, everything was given. After “never again,” two hours later, I was the same. And Lelya is a tough girl: if she said that she would not do it, she would.

I was the first to put up in all conflicts. Even Lelya, when she was a little guilty, could more easily endure all these silences. We, if we punish, only pretend that we do not notice the child, but we ourselves sit and gnaw ourselves. But she didn’t, she felt calm. And the day passed, the second, the week, Lelya was consistent until I broke down. Igor told me: “Well, did you go first again?” I told him: “Yes, I crawled.”

– With whom is it easier for you to find a common language – with your daughter or your son?

– The son is somehow completely mine. We are just like that … No, not friends. I don’t like it when parents talk about children like that. We are mom and son. But I absolutely trust him. One hundred out of a hundred. The fact is that he was born in the 90s, when everything was harsh, both work and money were in short supply. George grew up in these conditions. He knows how much, “it is impossible.” Of course, I went out of my way to have a wonderful childhood, but he is an inquisitive, observant boy with a good tenacious memory. I did not let him go for a minute, even if I took the shooting with me. Colleagues did it a little while she worked on the stage. He was always there, because I was forced: there was not enough money. And with Lelka, after all, my mother was mine instead of nannies.

– The fact that Lelya is the second child and you had experience made it possible to avoid mistakes in upbringing, not to step on the same notorious rake?

– It seemed to me that now I will correct all my mistakes … But the only thing that I reviewed and implemented was nutrition. When Georgy was born, the Soviet Union had just collapsed. We didn’t see anything, we didn’t know, and it seemed foreign – all sorts of chicken legs – just everything beautiful. And I could not understand why my son had such an allergy. I wanted to give all the best, and then it turned out that it was a trash heap. With regard to Lelya, I already turned on my head, read a lot, thought what was good and what was bad. But all the same, teenagers get it later. Because it’s delicious and you want it.

– Do you recognize yourself in your daughter?

– All those around who know me and Lelya well, say: “This is your copy.” My ex-husband, George’s father, calls me and Lelka Hiroshima and Nagasaki. We are really very similar, which is why we have clashes. Sometimes I think: “She didn’t see me at that age, she doesn’t know anything. Where? Why are the same assessments, reactions, taste? ” I watch how she dresses, looks, and remember myself.

– Was it difficult for your mother with you when you were the age of a daughter?

– Very. But the fact is that I became independent early. Mom didn’t know a lot. I tried to protect her.

– Already an adult? In their youth, they probably argued, proved their own?

– I thought it should be. Although even then she could not do without her. I have always dreamed of living with her. And my dream has come true.

– Mom, I know, did not force you to do anything, took care of you, believed that everything would come out of necessity …

– I was a jewel for my mother until her last breath. She didn’t love anyone as much as me, and I didn’t love anyone so much. I did everything to make her like it, to be satisfied, to feel good. My angel is gone. Such a loss. I just can’t get over it. And Lelka is also worried, both of us. And this pain is so strong in us that we never speak to each other, we do not remember. She is on her own, I am on her own. Lelka with a psychologist, I also tried – nothing helps.

– What was the main thing that your mother gave you?

– She was very kind. There was not a single person who would not meet with her once in her life and then would not say hello, would not ask how she was. Did I go for a haircut, to the store, did I get a pedicure. My friends who came to me immediately went to her room. She always sat with us at the table, was aware of all the events. Mom was and is the light in my life. Fork.

– What was the main thing you wanted to teach your daughter – some household things, cooking, say, what are you a great specialist in, or something else?

– No, of course, cooking is one of the important things, but it stands somewhere at the very bottom. I wanted Lelya to perceive the world adequately, to be maximally adapted to it. Could distinguish black from white, bad from good. I thought, I reacted. She understood that, in spite of everything, she had a wonderful chance to live, just to be born. She can see so many interesting, cool things, and everything is in her hands. That you work harder – you get more, you study well – the world will open up more multifaceted than for those who are less curious and do not make efforts. That there is such a thing as love, and there is nothing cooler than it in life. And this is a powerful motivation. When you love, you do wonderful things.

– But how to convey everything? Conversations?

– I often took her with me. When mommy was, Lelya resisted, because she is more comfortable at home with her, calmer, more familiar. Getting her out somewhere was troublesome. But I tried, persuaded, persuaded. And now she flies with me with pleasure. We travel a lot, visit both Paris and Germany. We chat, watch, observe, assess what is happening. We often argue. I try not to be too ironic because of the big age difference. I listen to her. Lelya tells interesting things, notices a lot. She’s somehow wise beyond her years.

– What have you learned from your daughter?

– First, she teaches me patience. It soothes that not everything needs to be spent and paid attention to. Pity me in this sense, because I am a restless person and zealous where it is not necessary.

– And what does he say?

– “Forget it, mom!” Lelka believes that my problems are due to the fact that I am loaded because of everything. You need to look at everything easier. Advises: “Mom, if you score 90 percent of everything, it will be easier to live.” Young …

– Well, you are listening …

– Yes, I agree with her. And I try to score. Although this is not always easy. Lelka also sees people. She might say, “Mom, I don’t like this friend of yours.” At first I said: “Don’t bother! What do you understand? Adult business. ” But time passed, and this girlfriend showed her face.

– Can you tell your daughter about the shortcomings of her friends?

– I’m forbidden. What do you! Children are such a people, they will do everything on purpose. I didn’t even try, I understood: time will pass, the person will open up, give himself away, and Lelya will see everything. She is quite perspicacious and notices some things before mine. So I ask her: “What did I teach you?” Answers: “Never lie. And be yourself, and everything will be fine. “

– Can I turn to you for advice?

– No, although he tells me some stories, and I note: it seems worth doing so, knowing that he will listen and do the opposite. The age is as lateral as my mother said. Therefore, I listen, and think to myself: “Yes, and I had such passengers at one time.”

Sometimes I read interviews of famous people who are asked: “What would you change in your life, what would you correct, there would be an opportunity?”, And they answer: “Nothing. I am satisfied with every minute of my life. Everything was for something. ” And I say: “Lelya, I would take 90 percent of the shit out of my life. I didn’t need this experience for three hundred years. Communication with some people only pulled me away, took my health and shattered the nervous system. Not every experience is useful. ” I draw her attention: “This man brings destruction with him. Trust me. Very much like that. ” And I tell you: “It will walk through your life with a tank, it will not leave anything.” But I understand that it makes no sense, because we need these tanks in our youth, these bigwigs. If we listened to older and experienced people, the world would be perfect …

– You said that you yourself became independent early, but are you pushing your daughter in this sense?

– Somehow she had a desire, and I thought: if there is a possibility, why not. But separately and independently – two different concepts. Mom went to her to wash, iron, cook. And I realized that it’s too early. I have done so many stupid things, living separately at about the same age. Everything should be natural. Impossible from the greenhouse immediately into the frost. We all keep up at different times. She still lives completely on her own, we do not go into her room, we do not tug, we rarely see each other, but somehow all the same in front of each other’s eyes. Nothing, the time will come, and everything will be fine.

– What mistakes would you like to save Lelya from?

– To understand in relation to people: not all is gold that glitters. I was very deluded: they will do me for a penny, I will thank you for a ruble. Mom said: “Why are you so: to you with one kind word, and you are already ready for a lot.” I am not saying that it should include cynicism. But at least not so rushed into the relationship. People use it. To get as little nasty things as possible.

Fearfully. My heart is bleeding. So many disappointments. I don’t know for whom how, but every time I suffer, I cry. I can’t say that I’ve come across betrayal so often, but I was so worried about it, I was lying flat, I couldn’t move my arm or leg. It was killing me. I don’t know how to save Lelya. But she is a smart girl, she thinks, sees, analyzes what I think, the Lord will help her.

– What do you think, a test for her – to be your daughter?

– At school, of course, it was hard for her. Because my heroine was projected onto her in “Let’s get married!”. It also seemed to everyone that if Lelya’s mother is a famous person, then we eat caviar with truffles. But I’m not in show business, dramatic actors get money with great difficulty. But, since my house was closed to strangers, people could not imagine what they could imagine. A classmate Leli could come to school in mini, cleavage and war paint, and mine in a T-shirt and jeans, torn at the knees, and that girl was nothing, and mine – to the head teacher. Of course, there was increased attention to her. And this Internet! Why not write there, but social networks … I think it’s hard for her.

Lelia Guzeeva: growing up has become hell for me

– Lelya, in what ways are you and your mother alike, and in what ways are you different?

– Of course, no two people are alike. But we are both terribly vain. I don’t know if my mother spoke, but my brother’s dad and he himself call us Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Because we are both explosive personalities, impulsive, we live on this impulse, and this is our great similarity. And how are they different? I am from a completely different generation, and our views are often quite radical in relation to each other, but still we find a common language. I have never talked to anyone as much as with my mother. On a variety of topics. She is capable of supporting anyone, which is not surprising, because she is the smartest and most beautiful woman.

– Can you give your mom advice, even when she does not ask, or reproach, say: “Well, what are you wearing?”

– Of course, I don’t know how to dress without my mother, and she, in my opinion, without me. When we are going somewhere, these are such explosions of emotions: “It doesn’t suit me! I’m fat in this! My legs are like sticks! Can I borrow your shoes? “

– Same size?

– I’m 40, my mother’s 39, but I’ll fit in at 38,5, if I like the shoes. I’m a stubborn person.

– Larissa said that you are such a calmer for her …

– Yes it is. But she, unfortunately, does not know how to calm down at all. On the contrary, as in a steam room, he adds some more water to the coals. She loves it. But, since I’m a different generation, I have this “forget it” chip. And in many ways it helps, although you shouldn’t treat something like that. But I know if it’s worth it or not. And when necessary, I just walk up, put my hand on her shoulder and say: “Camon” (from English come on – “let’s go, come on.” In youth slang – “enough, calm down, well, what are you doing.” – Approx. “Antennas”). If she hears me, it helps her, no – she continues to steam. And then her father, brother come, and we all keep repeating to her: “Forget it!” And then she might calm down.

– What is your mom better than you?

– There are so many aspects in which she fumbles better than me that it is difficult to list. This is undoubtedly her deepest cooking experience. It is simply incommensurable. The cook died in it.

– She is not dead – she lives, thrives …

– Yes, looking for a place in the sun. Her unlimited experience in business matters. I don’t know how other mothers-actresses and show business stars live, I don’t have much experience with them, but I don’t think they are so devoted to home. Mom is his real core. She keeps our family, home, because he too is alive, breathes, the walls move; food requires to be prepared.

Mom is a smart person. She understands cinema well, as an educated person, a professional in her field. I studied this for many years. Therefore, I try not to discuss these topics with her, I do not want to look like an idiot.

– I noticed that your mother is anxious about the Russian language, she can correct someone in pronunciation. Did you check your notebooks in Russian?

– Never, but I adopted this manner of correcting from her, and one day a girl stopped me and said that it was tactless. And for me it is unacceptable, being a Muscovite, to speak incorrectly. Sometimes I am also mistaken, because in recent years I have been strongly focusing on foreign languages ​​and, unfortunately, I begin to forget my native language. When you spend 90 percent of your time on English, German and others, yours goes into the background. But some people are grateful to me when I correct. So, my father always says thank you in such cases. Because it’s important to be literate.

– Did your mom teach you how to cook?

– I help my mother all the time, and my mother’s idea to invite me to the Live Life program arose because she was uncomfortable alone. You can do it much faster with four hands in the kitchen. Life made me cook. Until I was 15, I couldn’t do anything, not even make scrambled eggs. And when she began to be alone – dad was on a business trip, mom was on the set, she had to not lose consciousness from hunger. I began to open the refrigerator and invent. There is such a cool expression “do it according to your senses”. That’s what I do, I don’t need recipes, I can compose some flavors in my head. Again, I remember what my mother said for years, and I use this. My cookbook is Larisa Andreevna.

– Now mom is an example for you, but the relationship between parents and children inevitably goes through crises. Did you have to face this?

– We had conflicts. If they were not there, it would mean that we do not love each other, are indifferent. I sometimes see families where no one cares about each other, so they never have quarrels. And we have happened, and serious. But they always ended in reconciliation. Not that we compromised, we just admitted the disadvantages. And it is always very difficult to agree that you are to blame, acted ugly, and sincerely apologize.

“Sorry” is such a frequently used word that it completely lost its meaning. But when we say sorry, it’s for real. This is a sign of such boundless love. It means that you, forgiving, are still open, no matter how painful you may be. And loved ones always hurt the most. And there were times when we were ready to close ourselves in front of each other, not to communicate, because it is very difficult.

I did terrible things. I was the toughest teenager I know. My friends somehow coped with growing up, for me it became hell. I am now 19 years old, my last teenage year is waiting for me, but it is still very difficult. But my mother is such a wise woman that, despite all the conflicts, she managed to maintain our relationship, to forgive me for very bad deeds. I am proud of her and proud of myself that we did it – took it and repaired it. We are, as it were, still Hiroshima and Nagasaki, only in some funny way. We are true friends and partners. And this is great.

– Will you build relationships with your children in the likeness of yours with your mother?

– I can’t answer, because I don’t know how, under what circumstances I will have children, what the world, society will be like, and what I am. But I know for sure that I want my mother to be present in this relationship. Although she jokes: “I will take your children away, you are terrible.” I’m not going to hide them from her, as some do. And, unfortunately, I came across those who said: I never talked to my grandmother, because she is a difficult person. I feel sorry for them, I lived with my grandmother, and those were the most beautiful times, and I want my children to have Larisa, Lara, because no one will call her a grandmother for sure. Mom is my hero, she achieved so much herself, and I want my children to be like that too.

– Would you like to have independence, a separate territory?

– I had experience, I lived with a guy for several months, then we had to leave. And now I also live now with my boyfriend, now at home. But independence is not exactly living alone, it is surviving alone. Manage to cook something for yourself, keep it clean, and not exist in a pigsty. For me, cleanliness, like for my mother, is an important aspect. I do not like a mess, although I am an absolute hoarder, I adore all sorts of nonsense, I collect it for years, but I have it so perfectly that it seems to be not garbage.

I lived alone. I did a lot of nonsense at that time, because I liked this party style of life. You are 17, 18, and you are free! Wow! And now, when I’m alone, everything is calm: I’ll cook dinner, clean up, work out, this teenage maximalism is gone. I understand that during the absence of your parents, you should not demolish the house, and not because mom will come back and give it in the neck, but because you are your house. I was told from childhood that you will get all this, respect it, please, watch, we invested in every detail. And I began to respect the house, to feel it as my own not only within my room, but much wider. He became dear to me, I began to guard him. Freedom is, first of all, an opportunity to defend oneself in front of oneself. Because sometimes it’s scary to be alone, thoughts are our friends and our enemies.

– Are you in a hurry to introduce a young man to his mother, or do you need to first figure out the relationship yourself? Do you need a mother’s look?

– Sure. I always share with her my feelings about my love and so on, but the fact is that my mother knows my boyfriend longer than I do. And when we began to meet, she no longer needed to ask anything. Mom has an incredible ability to fit into another person’s position. He can forgive the most gross mistakes and mistakes, because he has the deepest empathy. She can project herself onto other people, so she deeply and sensitively understands them. And she can help me. She says, “Oh, I already had this experience.” Or: “You should feel sorry for him, because this is so and so”, “Do not treat this person like that, enter into his position.” But mostly she advises: “Love yourself. Do not forget about yourself ”, which sometimes is difficult for me. Neither my grandmother, nor my mother, nor I have ever really loved ourselves, all the time they tried for others.

– Lelya, is it easy to be the daughter of Larisa Guzeeva?

– It is a great happiness to know her as a mother and just as a person – not a TV presenter on Channel One, not an actress, not a sex symbol of the USSR. She has many statuses. But there were also many difficulties when I was growing up, and even now. Because when you call your last name, and I have my mother’s, people’s views change, and not always for the better. But this is their stupid bias, and I am sympathetic to their position. I rarely call myself by my name. For friends, I’m either Lola or Mona, these are funny names from movies, from books. It is worth saying: “I am Lelya or Olya Guzeeva”, all at once: “Wow!”

Few people know what it is like to live with a golden spoon in your mouth. You can and choke. Being the daughter of Larisa Guzeeva has never been easy, but I wouldn’t call it a curse either. This is a given. I was born to her and I’m happy because she is a wonderful person.

– Mom should be happy to hear these words …

– And she hears and smiles …