I will do it…tomorrow

There are not so many people among us who do everything on time, without putting it off for later. But there are millions of those who like to postpone until later: eternal delays, generated by the habit of postponing for tomorrow what is already too late to do today, concern all aspects of our life – from quarterly reports to trips to the zoo with children.

What scares us? The fact is: you need to start doing it. Of course, when the deadlines are running out, we still start to stir, but it often turns out that it is already too late. Sometimes everything ends sadly – the loss of a job, a failure in an exam, a family scandal … Psychologists name three reasons for this behavior.

Internal fears

A person who puts everything off until later is not only unable to organize his time – he is afraid to take action. Asking him to buy a diary is like asking a depressed person to “just look at the problem in a positive light.”

“Endless delays are his strategy of behavior,” says José R. Ferrari, Ph.D., professor at DePaul University at the American University. – He is aware that it is difficult for him to start acting, but does not notice the hidden meaning of his behavior – the desire to defend himself. Such a strategy avoids confrontation with internal fears and anxieties.

Striving for the ideal

Procrastinators fear being unsuccessful. But the paradox is that their behavior, as a rule, leads to failures and failures. Putting things on the back burner, they console themselves with the illusion that they have great potential and will still succeed in life. They are convinced of this, because since childhood, their parents have repeated that they are the best, the most talented.

“They believed in their exceptionalism, although, of course, deep down they could not help but doubt it,” explains Jane Burka and Lenora Yuen, American researchers working with the procrastination syndrome. “Getting older and putting off solving problems, they still focus on this ideal image of their own “I”, because they are not able to accept the real image.”

The opposite scenario is no less dangerous: when parents are always unhappy, the child loses all desire to act. Later, he will face the contradiction between the constant desire to become better, more perfect, and limited opportunities. Being disappointed in advance, not starting to do business is also a way to protect against a possible failure.

Feeling of protest

Some people follow a completely different logic: they refuse to obey any requirements. They regard any conditionality as an encroachment on their freedom: they do not pay, say, for a bus ride – and this is how they express their protest against the rules adopted in society. Note: they will still be forced to obey when, in the person of the controller, this is required of them by law.

Burka and Yuen explain: “Everything happens according to the scenario from childhood, when parents controlled their every step, not allowing them to show independence.” As adults, these people reason like this: “Now you don’t have to follow the rules, I will manage the situation myself.” But such a struggle leaves the wrestler himself the loser – it exhausts him, not relieving him of fears coming from distant childhood.

What to do?

Shorten selfishness

If you continue to think that you are not capable of anything, your indecision will only increase. Remember: inertia is also a sign of internal conflict: one half of you wants to take action, while the other dissuades her. Listen to yourself: resisting action, what are you afraid of? Try looking for answers and writing them down.

Start step by step

Divide the task into several steps. It is much more effective to sort out one drawer than to convince yourself that you will take it all apart tomorrow. Start with short intervals: “From 16.00 pm to 16.15 pm, I’ll lay out the bills.” Gradually, you will begin to get rid of the feeling that you will not succeed.

Don’t wait for inspiration. Some people are convinced that they need it in order to start any business. Others find that they work better when the deadlines are tight. But it is not always possible to calculate the time it will take to solve a problem. In addition, unforeseen difficulties may arise at the last moment.

Reward yourself

A self-appointed award often becomes a good incentive for change: read another chapter of the detective story you have started sorting through the papers, or take a vacation (at least for a couple of days) when you turn in a responsible project.