How to talk to children about the coronavirus

The news and conversations of adults only fill the child with disturbing information that he cannot digest on his own. He needs to share his reaction, emotions, discuss what he hears. He will not tell us: “I am overloaded with information about the coronavirus”, but it is likely that he will become more capricious, his sleep will be disturbed, he will lose interest in learning and / or give out psychosomatic reactions (skin rashes, stomach pains, etc.).

Closeness to oneself causes severe personality disorders, and exchange, dialogue, and communication lead to development. Not all children raise topics that are disturbing to them. But if the child does not talk at all about what he is now seeing, try using simple phrases to push him to share his thoughts or experiences.

Choose phrases based on context. The child looks out the window at the playground: “You really liked to walk with friends. And now you probably miss this time. Try to discuss with your children what is bothering them. Here are a few points to help start the conversation.

1. Choose the right moment

You should not start a conversation at a time when you yourself cannot cope with panic or strong excitement. Your emotional stability is the key to peace of mind for children. To find it, first of all, talk to yourself. Ask yourself: “Why does this particular aspect scare me? With what it can be connected?»

Someone is afraid of getting sick, someone is afraid of poverty, someone is for their parents, someone is terribly afraid of isolation … Awareness of your fears and taking care of yourself will help you relieve excessive anxiety, and therefore be the best “container” for experiences child.

2. Consider the age of the child

Keep it simple, clear, and short, starting with finding out what the child already knows about what is happening. So you can deal with his fears and not overload with unnecessary information.

Give young children general knowledge about the virus and inspire confidence that parents will take care of them and themselves: “There are a lot of viruses around us. We get sick regularly and then recover. Coronavirus is spreading very fast and many people get sick at the same time. In order not to get sick and not infect others, you need to wash your hands, temporarily sit at home, wear a mask in public places. We are doing our best not to get infected. But if we get sick, we will be treated.”

With older children, it is appropriate to discuss the changes associated with the virus: “Our life has changed, but how is it for you?”, “For me, the hardest thing is … But for you?”

3. Discuss his fears

For children from 2,5-3 years old, the topic of death becomes relevant, and the story of the virus and the number of deaths can activate the fear of getting sick (behind which hides the fear of death of loved ones and awareness of one’s own mortality). It is important to explain to the child the degree of danger / non-danger for him and his loved ones, but it is even more important to talk about his fears, not denying them, not devaluing them, but listening.

Help your child express their fear by naming it. Say: “You are afraid of getting sick. These harmful viruses can really scare you! Nobody wants to get sick, that’s for sure!» Tell him that all people experience fear: both children and adults. It’s okay to be afraid.

Specify and explore his fear: «If you get sick, then what?» “What are you most afraid of?”, “There are so many rumors around that everyone gets sick, sometimes very much. It can be scary when you hear how many people have died.”

Find out together what you can do to keep yourself safe. Give calming reasons and rationalize these experiences. Explain that fears also have a useful side: they help us avoid various dangers and be careful.

4. Clarify the meaning of what is happening

Calmly and clearly explain to the child why we are sitting at home, why he cannot go to the garden or school yet, why the playgrounds are fenced with tapes, why crowds in shopping centers are dangerous.

Tell him how viruses work. You can easily find children’s books about it. Discuss how viruses spread, how to protect yourself: do not drink from shared utensils, wash your hands properly with soap and warm water for at least 20 seconds, thoroughly lathering your entire hands. This will resonate with young children as they enjoy learning new skills and learning new things.

5. Help manage conflicting emotions

Now there can be a lot of them: “I’m glad that I don’t have to go to school, but I’m angry that they don’t let me go out”, “I’m interested in learning about viruses, but I get scared to read about it.” It is they who introduce children into imbalance. Children generally find it difficult to accept ambivalence. Therefore, the message is: “The world is a wonderful place and full of interesting people, events and opportunities, but it can also bring dangers, illnesses and disappointments. This is fine. We cannot protect ourselves from everything, but it is in our power to minimize the risk, to do everything that depends on us so as not to get sick, for example.

Contradictory feelings are not the easiest to understand and even more so to express. For example, the child missed his father very much when he left for work every day. But now that dad has set up an office in the bedroom, the child is not only happy that they have lunch and dinner together, but also upset that when dad is working, you can’t make noise. Dad turns out to be not so cheerful when you see him every day, and not just on weekends. Or the girl is glad that she does not go to school, because she does not see the hated «Englishwoman», but she really misses her school friend and fun games with her during breaks.

All this can be confusing. To talk about conflicting feelings, use constructions: “How interesting: on the one hand it’s like this … and on the other like this ….”, “It’s very joyful that dad now has dinner with us every evening and can play with you without wasting time on the way home from work, but it can be hard to sit quietly, it’s annoying that you can’t yell properly because of his conferences from home, right?

You do not need a special lecture on the topic, just comment on emerging everyday situations.

6. Regain a sense of control

When discussing the current situation with your child, focus on the actions that depend on us, on our own contribution. To a small child, you can say this: “We can try not to get infected ourselves and not infect other people if we follow the rules. Do you know what? It is important for both children and adults to remember to wash their hands after any exit to the street.

To a school-age son or daughter, explain: “We don’t know when this will end, but we can guess. Here are the mathematical models… Some scientists think like this, and some think like this.” Or: “We cannot completely protect ourselves from the virus, but we can take care of our immunity and health right now — get enough sleep, do gymnastics, eat right and follow the rules of hygiene.”

Children are good at learning information in the form of pictures: put up educational posters on how to properly wash your hands. You can draw them yourself. You can come up with or find a rhyme on the Internet that fixes the sequence of actions when washing your hands. In this way, you will help reduce the feeling of helplessness in the child and encourage him to take personal responsibility for what he can influence, and at the same time improve hygiene skills.

7. Talk more about positive feelings

Sometimes we take for granted what other people do for us. For example, transferring classes online. At home, there can be talk about how poorly (ineptly, slowly, poorly) the school conducts classes in a new format. Probably not everything is perfect, but it is important to notice the efforts of other people, to thank the teachers.

Try to express your gratitude in a clear way: “It is very valuable that at such a time you quickly orientated yourself and help to keep learning. I am very grateful to the whole team for their responsiveness.” Just say “thank you” because many people have never heard of Zoom, Google Sheets and hyperlinks before the quarantine.

Express positive emotions in front of children and teach them to do it. In the end, you yourself will be filled with gratitude and help them see the good too. And, as a result, build closer relationships. Do not forget to notice the good in loved ones, thank them and give compliments. It is very important.

For example, you can say to your child: “Today you had an online lesson for the first time. Can you imagine how difficult it is to organize the whole class when everyone is sitting at home? How do you think this is different from school lessons? What difficulties can a teacher have? What about children? What difficulties did it cause you? What is different now? What’s better? What’s worse?

When communicating with a child, do not convince him, do not impose your point of view. Just listen, reflect, clarify, try to understand it.

And do not forget to praise your loved ones more often! Child: «I’m so glad you’re home now. I look at you and my heart is filled with love. You are wonderful!”

Tell your spouse or partner how much you appreciate what he does for you or for the family as a whole, for children, for your parents. It is also important to talk about what you like about him, to make compliments. Do not just notice how beautiful he is (smart, beautiful, gentle, and so on), but talk about it.

Be healthy physically and mentally!