With the arrival of a first baby, the couple becomes family. It is both a real happiness and a real cataclysm. More than one in two couples separate in the first year.
Baby-clash, what is it?
The arrival of a newborn is a radical upheaval and, as soon as you leave maternity, it’s the rush. Your baby is crying, he is hungry, cannot find sleep… During the first months, everything revolves around the baby’s rhythm: it is he who governs your life. You eat between two feedings, sleep if you allow time. Fortunately, the happiness of watching him, of taking him in your arms more than compensates for your feeling of being relegated to the background. Fatigue sets in and, with it, irritability, misunderstandings … tension monte necessarily a notch or two between you and your companion. You are no longer on the same wavelength and it’s a clash. Becoming parents gives a new responsibility which contributes to weighing down the marital ground.
Baby-clash, why?
Becoming a parent has changed you and this development does not always happen in unison. There is necessarily a readjustment required : each one discovers new facets of the personality of the other and it is sometimes difficult to get used to it. The marital bed becomes a rest area. Fatigue, baby-blues, prolonged diapers … The dad finds it hard to understand that you are not available for the complicit antics of yesteryear. Sexual life, the cement of the couple, is slow to resume. Finally, during these intimate moments, your baby often interrupts you. Nothing works like before, everything becomes more complicated. In short, once there are three of us, we quickly forget about life together. It is however fundamental that the couple regain a preponderant place and that they do not fade behind the family.
How to manage the baby-clash?
The first instinct to avoid the baby-clash: to anticipate. You are expecting a happy event, it is true, but overwhelming. Talk to your partner before birth, calmly. Try to anticipate the difficulties together, to thwart the obstacles that will come between you. For example : redefine task sharing. It is according to individual tastes and preferences. The better you are organized, the less painful it will be to speed up your pace of life. And rest! Baby upset your rhythms? Adopt his own: as soon as he sleeps, lie down. Alone, or rather in pairs, it’s even better. This is your moment of respite and tenderness. And above all, continue to take care of yourself. Just to feel desirable again. Get back to sex as soon as you feel ready: this is the essential element of the couple’s understanding. And finally maintain romantic outings. Some evenings, do not hesitate to entrust your baby to his grandmother or a nanny. This will allow you to get back together as before.
Test: Where is your relationship since the arrival of baby?
The arrival of a baby is a real upheaval. You go from a couple of lovers to a couple of parents, and it is not always easy to reconcile everything. How does your relationship go through this ordeal? Are you fulfilled by your new family or more absorbed in your baby than in your love life? Ten questions to take stock.
Do you want to talk about it between parents? To give your opinion, to bring your testimony? We meet on https://forum.parents.fr.