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😉 Greetings to my regular and new readers! We all live among people and most of us do not suspect that we are in the “triangle of fate”. Find out what it is and how to get out of the Karpman triangle in this article.
What is Karpman’s triangle
This is the “triangle of fate” – a psychological and social model of interaction between people. It was first described by Stephen Karpman in 1968. It is widely used in psychology and is a common model of relationships, far from harmony and mutual understanding, with codependent relationships.
Stephen Karpman (short)
Stephen is a psychotherapist, a student of Eric Berne and the son of a student of Sigmund Freud. Born in Washington DC. Graduated from Duke University and medical school. Travels a lot around the world. In addition to psychotherapy, he is fond of painting, magic, sports, acting. He starred in supporting roles in Hollywood films.
Karpman’s triangle: roles
What is the essence of codependent relationships? Three, four, or even more people can participate in codependent relationships. Nevertheless, there are only three psychological models of behavior in this case:
- Victim.
- Aggressor.
- Savior.
Victim
The ultimate goal of the injured party is not salvation, but revenge. At the same time, when the Savior tries to take revenge for the Sacrifice, the arrangement of roles changes dramatically. The Aggressor turns into a Sacrifice, a Sacrifice – into a Savior. And the initial defender turns out to be “extreme”, that is – the Aggressor.
Through this interplay of roles, a temporary truce is created between the Victim and the Aggressor. What to do to get out of the role:
- spend time not looking for the Savior, but improving the situation yourself;
- understand that other people are not obligated to solve your personal problems;
- take full responsibility for your choice and your actions;
- learn not to set the Savior against the Aggressor.
Aggressor
The tyrant in this triangle is a person who has repeatedly been subjected to psychological pressure from the Victim and her Savior. This role is characterized by inadequate expression of aggression. What to do to get out of the role:
- learn to distinguish an attempt at dialogue from your own desire to rip off anger;
- Realize that everyone can be wrong, including you;
- do not look for people to blame for your problems;
- understand that other people cannot fully correspond to your ideas about the normal and right.
Savior
This role is often played by friends and close relatives. It is dangerous because the habit of saving is firmly entrenched in a person’s character. Due to this habit, he loses adequacy in this matter, trying to help everyone around. Of course, the results are very disastrous.
What to do to get out of the role:
- do not impose your help and advice on those who do not ask for it;
- do not assume that you know better than others how to live;
- stop counting on everyone around you to be grateful to you;
- Don’t make promises that you can’t keep.
Finding a way out
Getting out of a codependent relationship isn’t easy. Sometimes this leads to a complete destruction of the relationship if the partner does not agree to leave the triangle. Nevertheless, when realizing the problem, it is worthwhile to immediately tackle it. Otherwise, sooner or later, the relationship will still fall apart, without bringing family happiness.
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