How to Deal with Difficult People: 11 Rules for Dialogue

In today’s world it is difficult to maintain balance: sometimes just watching the latest news is enough to get psychologically traumatized. We constantly dive from emotion to emotion and cannot keep the most important thing in focus. Against this background, it is difficult to maintain one of the most valuable acquisitions of a person – the ability to be in contact. It is very important not to devalue the relationship. The first thing that helps to get out of an emotional tailspin is rationalization, ordering. For people who are used to living with feelings, this is a valuable skill that needs to be developed.

1. Prepare for contact

Before any contact, you need to tune in internally – like you tune an instrument before a concert. Take a stable position: sit or stand so that you feel support, balance. Say only what you are sure of and what is important to you, keep in mind why you entered into a dialogue. If there is a chance that you will be provoked to emotions, find a point in front of your eyes or a piece of clothing that will symbolize stability and balance for you.

2. Tune in to find a solution, not a fight

When starting a difficult conversation with a loved one, say out loud or to yourself: “I start talking in order to stay in touch, to be with you, and not to quarrel.” Remember that the dialogue is not to win the battle, but to understand each other. When in contact with the child, stay at the level of his eyes, touch the body. At the end of a difficult conversation, be sure to say, “I’m with you.”

3. Be open

Surrounding people have the right not to believe us, not to love us and not to understand, they may not agree with us – this will have to be experienced. Everyone has their own truth. Pay attention to what is hidden behind the words, look for a deeper meaning. To do this, try to calm down and be open in dialogue.

4. Show respect for the interlocutor

Everyone has the right to imperfection, mistakes, misconceptions – this does not negate the initial respect for the interlocutor. Remember that you can be wrong, let yourself learn. And our opponent’s respect for us begins with our respect for ourselves.

5. Treat with understanding the peculiarities of the perception of the interlocutor

Everyone has their own language and their own speed of response. We perceive information subjectively, based on our experience and personal characteristics. Don’t be afraid to ask again. Give yourself and the other person time to “digest” the information. Use pronouns “I” more often instead of “you” (I feel, I am offended, I am angry, I think).

6. Separate your own feelings from those of others

In communication, we tend to project our thoughts or unmanifested desires onto the interlocutor. In the same way, accordingly, other people’s feelings are attributed to us. Learn to discern these projections and stay in touch with yourself.

7. Speak in the language of the interlocutor

No wonder there is an expression “to be on the same wavelength.” Try to catch the mood of the interlocutor, to understand what worries him right now. A good joke can easily turn into an awkward situation. This happens if your opponent is strict and distant.

8. Don’t let yourself be manipulated

In dealing with aggressive people, one should be able to get out of aggressive contact in time, not to take accusations personally. Such people often use common phrases and the pronoun “we” to manipulate. However, there are also passive-aggressive interlocutors. They prefer to talk behind their backs, throw the words “after”. In this case, it is important not to project a feeling of guilt or hyper-responsibility onto yourself. After such contacts, do not deny yourself a good rest.

9. Don’t get personal

Do not discuss the personal qualities of the interlocutor. Talk only about facts and events that are relevant to the subject of the conversation. If the dialogue nevertheless turns into an argument, it is often pointless to continue it. Try to turn the conflict into a joke. In such cases, I recall the phrase “Mold reproduces by spores. Don’t argue with mold.”

10. Show the interlocutor that he is valuable to you

When talking with a person, repeat to yourself: “I see you”, “Your thoughts and your presence are important to me, even if I do not agree with you.” Let the interlocutor understand that he is valuable to you as a person.

11. Learn from your mistakes

It is important to be able to complete the dialogue. “Thank you”, “see you soon” – any words that sound sincere at this moment will do. Analyze past dialogues and learn from them. A self-confident person calmly talks about what he feels and expects, thanks for the contact and knows how to accept compliments.