Dating can be difficult for everyone. A serious mental illness like schizophrenia adds even more problems. This can sometimes cause psychotic behavior such as hallucinations and delusional thought processes. In severe cases, dating is probably out of the question. Even if your condition is well treated, you may find it difficult to enjoy activities. It can also be difficult for you to show your emotions.
As a result, many people with schizophrenia find it difficult to start and maintain relationships. Others avoid it all together. But some are able to maintain healthy relationships. If you have schizophrenia or are in a romantic relationship with someone who is ill, here’s what you need to know.
It might not be for you
You may never want or be able to have a romantic relationship — and that’s okay. “Your symptoms may interfere with socialization or cause anxiety,” says Lionel S. Wininger, Ph.D., a psychologist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York.
But if you are undergoing treatment and your condition is well controlled, you can try. While many people with schizophrenia do get worse, others do get better and may have successful relationships.
Finding the right treatment plan can take some time. You may have to wait weeks or even months before it fully takes effect. Ask your doctor who treats your schizophrenia if he thinks your plan is working and you are ready. In addition to medications, you will want to discuss lifestyle related issues. «For example, if you’re staying overnight at someone else’s house, do you have a plan to make sure you can take your medications as scheduled?» says Alex Dimitriou, MD, psychiatrist and founder of Menlo Park Psychiatry & Sleep Medicine in California.
You also need to think about how the rest of your life is going. “Regularity is important if you have schizophrenia, and dating can get in the way of that,” says Dimitriou. If you’re facing another major change, such as a new job, location, or treatment plan, you might want to wait until you’re in a relationship and try dating.
Tips for improving dating
If your doctor has given you the green light and you feel ready:
- Keep your expectations under control. Even if your condition is well controlled and you feel good, be aware that it can cause social anxiety and other issues that can make it more difficult to date.
- You may have trouble focusing or flat affect (when your voice and facial expressions do not express your emotions). You may not talk as much as other people, which can make communication difficult. A therapist can help with some of these problems. You will find ways to feel better about yourself and your condition.
Take it slow
Stress can make managing schizophrenia difficult. That’s why it’s wise to start a relationship lightly. You may want to choose modest activities for your early dates, such as meeting for coffee or going for a walk together. If it heats up, «it’s important to try to get the rest of your life as regular as possible so you can stick to your treatment plan,» Dimitriou says.
Be aware that sexual side effects are common. Your medications may affect your interest in sex or your ability to become aroused or have an orgasm. If you have sexual side effects from medications, talk to your doctor and partner about them. This may help change medications.
Use a team approach. If you and your partner become serious, you can invite them to see a doctor or to therapy sessions. «A committed partner probably knows you better than your healthcare provider does,» says Wininger. «They can contact you and help you look for important signs [that you need to adjust your treatment for], such as feeling more depressed than usual.» Partner support may be another way to live better with schizophrenia.