Until they show you, you won’t see it. Until Berne told me that every child is a Professor of Psychology, I was in the conventional wisdom that I am smart and a child is a child. How else? After all, if we get smarter with age, but still not very smart, it means that in childhood we are completely stupid. Is it logical?
Everything is logical, but it seems that everything is not so in life, and you begin to see this from the moment you calmly look at a child — any small child! — and you will see in him the Genius of Communication. Just take a closer look — without prejudice and lisping: “Oh, little one!”, And you will see what a virtuoso psychologist he is, how he subtly and freely processes the situation, making it the way that suits him.
Verochka is two years old, new uncles came to visit her mother and are discussing something animatedly, drawing on the leaves with colored felt-tip pens. Verochka approaches so that she can see everyone and that everyone can see her. Naturally, they pay attention to her, and here is a friendly smile to the child and the question sounds:
— What is your name?
– … …
Vera is attentively silent and looks interested. Here’s another, why should she answer — just like that? Fussy and a little anxious, mom turns on:
“Well, what are you—what’s your name?” What don’t you say?
Okay, after waiting a pause, Verochka turns on the image of a naive fright on her face and huddles closer to her mother:
— I do not know!
And hides behind her mother’s skirt. Although, if you look closely, her satisfied eyes smile. Mom is at a loss, why is this daughter forgot what she knows very well; she feels a little embarrassed and rushes to hug her little daughter in order to protect, of course. In fact, she asks her daughter to do her a favor: “Well, be smart, answer as expected!” The daughter examines the guests and the situation and, it seems, is in no hurry to respond to her mother’s request. Also, teach…
The guests have already turned on and began to urgently smile. Firstly, towards the mother, so that she would see their support and stop being so complex: “No, you are a good mother, your reputation is not tarnished at all!”, And also towards Vera — to apologize for being so scary. Everyone knows that little children are not afraid of good people, and if Vera persists, we will persuade her not to be afraid: “Verochka, we are good, really! Oh please!»
On the other hand, everyone is happy, because the mother demonstrates her beloved child, adults worry about how big and powerful they are, and the child receives giant portions of attention. And arranged all this — little Verochka.
But it’s time, the pause is delayed, and Verochka makes the following move:
“Mom, what are they playing there?” (And pulls his hand.)
– Are you interested? Well, let’s go see!
(… Oddly enough, Verochka is standing and not going anywhere.)
— Well, what are you?
— I’m afraid.
There is! A simple «I’m afraid» and the situation is created again! Mommy again spins around Verochka-Sun, persuades her not to be afraid and tries to budge in a different way. Vera, on the other hand, stands quite, carelessly eats her mother’s attention and calmly, I would say enlightenedly epic, examines what she looked at before. With the slightest movement of her soul, the girl turned the souls of all adults to herself, made herself the center of the universe, and now she is evaluating her mother whether she will be able to cope with her fear. It is obvious that she will cope with it no earlier than little Verochka allows her.
The calculation was, as always, accurate: if she had not initially made an interest, no one would have worked with her «I’m afraid.» You’re afraid — well, we won’t go.
If she had shown interest and hadn’t said “I’m afraid,” she would have simply looked closely at what she saw anyway — which is not bad, but rather poor. And having made a bunch of «interesting» and «afraid», multiplied by «I’m sweet and weak», she took the situation into her own hands and tied all the adults with steel ropes. Without any tension. After all, these are childish games for the Great Professor.
I see no reason to assume that the Grand Professor loses his qualifications with age. With age, the set of winning games is refined, new ones are mastered, working even more subtly and giving him maximum gains or maximum losses to his game partners. Nevertheless, everything is extremely honest here, if only because — let’s not forget, no less weak professionals play against every Great Professor every time. Together with Vera, this situation was prepared and acted out by her mother, allowed and deployed by other adults — each played one of his crown roles. Life goes on, that is, the most cheerful and great Game.
Therefore, let’s not be naive. If in life we see awkward, timid, weak and completely helpless people of any age, then we can be sure that this is only a mask. This is every time the creation of the Great Professor of Psychology, his talentedly found theatrical vestments, his whim and his maximum pleasure.