Contents
- The 5 Most Common Expectations That Hurt Relationships
- 1. In a happy relationship, partners guess each other’s thoughts and anticipate each other’s desires.
- 2. There are no conflicts in happy relationships.
- 3. Happy relationships always stay the same as on a honeymoon.
- 4. Happy couples spend all their time together. Lovers don’t get bored of each other’s company
- 5. If relationships need work, then something is wrong with them.
We are waiting for love to the grave, but we get disappointed. We are ready to give our partner everything, but we demand the same from him. Many people don’t even realize that their expectations from relationships are the reason why they die.
Relationship expectations are based on our early experiences. Children expect their parents to feed, protect and support them. But some parents do not take proper care of the child: they leave him alone for a long time, do not respond to his requests, are cold with him. If a child fails to get attention from parents, he feels abandoned and unnecessary. He is imbued with the conviction that he does not deserve love.
Growing up, we transfer to other people a thirst for love and attention that we could not get from our parents.
We expect friends and loved ones to make up for what we lacked in childhood. If someone shows us kindness, we are ready to completely trust him. We believe (as in childhood): if we behave “good”, our chosen one will definitely appreciate and love us. But if he is not ready to accept this role, we lose interest in him and break off relations, not allowing them to develop.
The 5 Most Common Expectations That Hurt Relationships
1. In a happy relationship, partners guess each other’s thoughts and anticipate each other’s desires.
“He understands me perfectly. I can feel it even from a distance. It’s like a telepathic link between us.» When partners are passionate about each other or live together for a long time, they really tune in to each other. But the idea that someone should guess the meaning of our words and actions leads to disappointment and detachment from reality.
It is no coincidence that the belief that another person knows our secret thoughts and communicates with us using secret signs often accompanies mental disorders. For example, people who suffer from schizophrenia may build imaginary relationships with people they don’t know well, waiting for messages, guidance, and protection from them.
2. There are no conflicts in happy relationships.
Everyone has moments of misunderstanding. No matter how you get along with each other, incidents still happen. Some couples believe that happiness is incompatible with quarrels so much that they try to avoid them under any pretext. As a result, “in the still waters” claims accumulate, which sooner or later break out.
3. Happy relationships always stay the same as on a honeymoon.
To be healthy and strong, relationships must develop. Each of us during our lives experiences internal changes, crises, changes our views and priorities. To believe that relationships should always remain as they were at the very beginning is to deny the very variability of our nature.
4. Happy couples spend all their time together. Lovers don’t get bored of each other’s company
It is important for partners to spend time together in order to better understand each other, maintain warmth and affection. But at the same time, each of us has our own interests; everyone needs time for themselves. The desire to divide everything into two at all costs can lead to mutual irritation and estrangement.
5. If relationships need work, then something is wrong with them.
One of the most common misconceptions is that harmonious relationships should develop smoothly. As soon as quarrels and resentments arise in a couple, this allegedly indicates that the partners initially made the wrong choice. But no relationship can be perfect right from the start. As in life in general, in relationships we go through trial and error. If the first serious disagreement makes one of the partners doubt his choice, he should think about whether he is ready for a serious relationship at all.
About the Author: Tara Bates-Duford is a family psychologist and counselor.