Contents
Calm anger, alleviate anxiety, identify an emotion… Early childhood professionals use effective tools to help them manage their emotions well. Massages, rocking, communication techniques… What if we were inspired by their techniques for our children?
Rocking
Is your baby too restless or nervous? Are her emotions preventing her from falling asleep? Neuroscience researchers at the University of Geneva have shown, by analyzing the brain activity of some people, that this gentle swinging movement accelerates falling asleep and limits nocturnal awakenings. “The rocking calms and gets the whole body moving. Energy is flowing again when an emotion may have blocked it. The baby is contained in the arms and feels there as in a cocoon, in security ”, adds Anne-Laure Benatar, psycho-body therapist, Nivea * expert.
In video: How to calm baby
Essential oils (ET)
Aromatherapy can ease moods. “The EO of true lavender and the EO of Roman chamomile, for example, are very soft and soothing. You put a drop on a handkerchief that you let your baby smell, ”suggests Anne-Laure Benattar. It also works with older children, during the day, all it takes is a drop on the wrist. And in the evening, to calm fears at bedtime, put one on the pillow. Be careful, some essential oils are not recommended for babies: you ask your pharmacist for advice.
The massage
Stimulation of the senses, muscle relaxation, strengthening of the bond of attachment… Several studies have demonstrated the various benefits of massage. This also acts on emotional tensions. Anne-Laure Benattar thus recommends belly massage: “It is indeed the second area of the body with the most nerve endings, after the brain. You can perform a circular massage, over your baby’s clothes, in a clockwise direction, for a few minutes to release tension and make him feel secure. “
In video: How to properly massage baby?
The anger hut
In consultation, clinical psychologist Louise Nielman recommends that parents set up a tent or hut at home with their child where they can safely vent their anger. Place there cushions, a blanket, soft toys, sheets, colored pencils, papers to tear … “Without setting him apart or punishing him, it is a matter of telling him upstream that he has the right to be angry, and that he can express it as he pleases in this place. The child can spend as much time there as he wishes and come back to the family. He must also know that he can talk again about the reason for his anger if he wants to, that he has the right to feel this emotion and that it is good to externalize it. These are the basic reassuring rules, ”explains the psychologist.
Identify the emotion
Anne-Laure Benattar offers a four-step key, based on NLP (neurolinguistic programming), to decipher emotions. These mix very often, are then more difficult to understand and can overwhelm the child. Ask him what happens to him by formulating hypotheses to engage in dialogue, distance and externalize his emotion: “Are you hungry? Cold ? Are you angry ? You’re sad ? »… Identify the situation that caused this emotion. Then recognize what is happening to him and finally ask him how he can react the next time.
Yoga
Using a CD-book like “Calm and Mindful Like a Frog” by Eline Snel, for example, or short videos on the web, organize 5-10 minutes of meditation or yoga. “The child is sitting cross-legged by your side. Start with abdominal breaths while closing your eyes: bring your stomach out while inhaling and bring it in while exhaling. It will help the child to refocus on himself. Then perform a few yoga figures, such as the tree, ”suggests Anne-Laure Benattar. The child will work on his balance, his breathing and will free himself from his emotions.
Instrumental improvisation
Beyond words, music allows you to communicate your emotions. It is thus a mediation tool in music therapy. You can adapt these techniques to your scale. Offer small instruments to your child. The goal is not that he plays it well, but that he expresses himself through them. Support him while playing too. Get in touch with him by looking at him, repeat the same rhythms as him or start some. By dint of practice, you will create a space for complicit exchange and you will better understand what he feels.
Non-violent communication (NVC)
This communication tool is broken down into four phases to welcome the child with empathy and kindness, and thus facilitate the expression of emotions within the family. “First of all, it is a question of describing what we observe, without judgment (first axis: what I see), then evoking what this can arouse (second axis: what I feel), then identifying the need (third axis: what I need) and finally formulate a positive request (fourth axis: what I propose). For example: the adult who uses this technique can say: “I see sadness, I prefer it when you are happy. But surely you need someone to listen to you. I’m here for you, do you want a hug? ” He is thus at the height of a child, available, attentive and this is already very saving for the child, ”explains Louison Nielman.
The drawing
The child does not always manage to put words to his emotions. Drawing, used in psychotherapy in particular, can facilitate this expression. If the child is sad or angry, for example, ask him to draw a picture of the reason. He will thus be able to write down what happened and create distance with the event he has undergone. The psychologist Louison Nielman then proposes that he ball his paper, cut it or throw it in a trash can, like when we make a basketball hoop, to take over this event.
The anger tube
For Louison Nielman, it is important to let emotions express themselves while containing them in a frame. One of his tools is to make an anger tube using an empty paper towel roll in which the child can shout. “Anger is a primary emotion and some children need to express it in this way. The child can utter three to five cries, away from his family’s ears, in order to let this anger escape. When she’s gone, he can enjoy a cool-down by inhaling, then slowly blowing through the tube two or three times. The emotion is therefore authorized in its expression and contained by the family framework, ”notes the psychologist. He thus realizes that this emotion belongs to him and that the others do not necessarily have to undergo it.
Visualization
Use visualization, used in NLP. “The child has all the resources in him. If he is afraid of the dark, tell him that he has a magical star in him to reassure him and that he can activate it, ”explains Anne-laure Benattar. Ask it how many branches it has, what its color is… On the same principle, you can use self-hypnosis. Ask your child, in a calm and slow voice, to imagine a place where he feels good, safe, to describe it, to say what smells he smells … If your child is anxious, for example, he will be able to visualize by himself this place of refuge as often as he wishes to come to his senses.
*Founder of the site www.therapie-zen.fr