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Hello, dear readers of Valery Kharlamov’s blog! An indifferent person is one who has lost interest in everything that surrounds him. He is absolutely indifferent to what is happening around him, sometimes even his own fate. Surprisingly, those who meet such a person experience a whole range of intense feelings, as opposed to without emotionality. And today we will learn why this happens, as well as how to deal with the indifference of a loved one.
Types
1. In relationships, marriage
It occurs more often than other species and is very difficult to live by a partner, since a once close and beloved person suddenly stops paying attention and becomes completely alien and detached — this hits the most vulnerable places.
The qualities that used to attract seem to disappear and he turns into a completely different person. Unfamiliar and indifferent. Next to him it is very lonely, unbearably lonely, and not everyone is able to cope with this feeling.
2. Male
From childhood, boys are taught not to cry and endure suffering, instilling the idea that they must be strong and able to withstand anything. It is, of course, an interesting and attractive idea about the existence of ideal men, but in this case, they need to turn into emotionless robots, which some try to do in order to fit the mythical image.
3. At work
He does not attract the activity that he comes to do, so much so that he has to commit violence against himself, forcing him to get ready in the morning. Unfortunately, the consequences of working without enthusiasm are either dismissal or lack of prospects for career advancement, and this only exacerbates the negative attitude towards the chosen profession.
4. To the environment
The killing of animals, the destruction of nature, political issues: they may not worry a person at all. Either because he does not want to «get involved» in the process, which requires large energy and time costs, or because they bother him so much that he makes a choice to fence himself off, not to notice them.
In any case, whatever the reason, such a person relieves himself of responsibility for involvement in anything in this world. For example, when buying a mink coat, he does not think that once this living creature was brutally killed, and by paying for it, he contributes to this business.
Or does not go to the polls, giving other people the right to decide on the future of the country in which he lives.
5. To children
Sometimes it happens that for some reason a parent becomes unable to feel love for his children, performing only functional duties. Such children are usually seriously injured and believe that they are not worthy of love, do not deserve it, and so on. And growing up, they risk becoming the same, because they don’t know how to behave differently.
Causes
1. Depression
As you know, this is a disease, and it may well deprive a person not only of interest in everything that happens, but also of the desire to live. Therefore, it is important to be attentive, if a loved one suddenly “extinguished”, you should not throw tantrums, scandals, give arguments and facts of his indifference and callousness.
This will only aggravate the situation and can lead to the worst consequences — to provoke suicide, as an attempt to finally get rid of suffering. You can learn more about this from the article «How to find a way out of depression yourself: the most effective methods.»
2. Punishment or manipulation
Yes, in relationships they sometimes resort to such measures, ceasing to pay attention and give love even with the slightest misconduct, wanting to “motivate” to obey and do only as the manipulator wants.
Something like a stick and a carrot, then you are bombarded with gifts and compliments, then they become abruptly indifferent, ignoring your presence until you understand your mistake and correct yourself.
Such traps are usually set by perverted narcissists or psychopathic personalities. By the way, this is how a banal egoist behaves, an egocentric who believes that the whole world revolves only around him, and for him.
3. Illusions
When a person is hurt, he sometimes has a great desire to be insensitive, so as not to experience disappointment, bitterness, total sadness, and so on. That is why they become indifferent, people have the illusion that it is easier to live this way.
For example, it seems that without thinking about where and with whom a loved one spends time, he will be calm and happy. But, in fact, by blocking negative emotions, a person deprives himself of pleasant, positive ones. Indifference can easily kill love, gradual distancing and lack of emotions can defeat even the strongest feelings, they will simply go out until they disappear completely.
4. Alexithymia
This is such a disorder in which a person is not able to feel and track his emotions, he simply does not understand what is happening to him, since he can only think logically, without referring to sensations and intuition.
5. Professional burnout
When a person overworks at work, he does not have the opportunity to replenish his energy supply and rest, which eventually leads to exhaustion. He simply does not have the resources to feel interest, joy and other feelings.
6. Psychological trauma
Something can happen that will cause unbearable feelings that a person is simply not able to cope with at a given period, and in order to preserve the psyche, the body, as it were, “turns off” the emotional sphere, freezes it.
7. Alcohol or drug abuse
Over time, due to any of these types of addictions, the structure of the brain is destroyed, which affects the psyche and emotional sphere. By the way, an excessive amount of drugs also leaves its mark on the ability to feel.
8. Mental disorders
Because of them, a person becomes detached and unable to experience any emotions, sensations, plunging deep into his own inner world and fantasies.
9. Personality structure
He was born like this, callous, unable to empathize and, in general, worry, plus his parents were the same, which is why they didn’t teach him to take care, be interested in something, be attentive, etc.
What to do?
first. If your loved one has changed, try talking to them about the reasons for the change. Maybe he has a serious problem, which he is trying to hide in this way, pretending to be indifferent? It is only important to refrain from making claims, scandals, tantrums and other things, so start a conversation only when you realize that you are ready to hear the truth or have the strength to cope with it.
Second. If you’re trying to influence your partner with feigned indifference, think about how it hurts. Are you sure that you are intentionally ready to cause pain and sometimes unbearable suffering to your loved one? There are examples when treason was punished in this way, but ignoring does not relieve the suffering of the one who was offended. Even if it seems to him that he does not experience anything. Only forgiveness will set you free. You don’t have to continue to be together, but you do need to forgive in order to unburden yourself, take care of yourself, and move on.
The third. If this happened to you, try to understand what is behind your insensitivity? What are you hiding from, or vice versa, hiding? Only by realizing the cause, you can find a way to help heal.
Fourth. Work on your self-esteem, especially after meeting total loneliness in a couple, and in general. For recommendations on how to increase it, you will learn from the article «The best methods for achieving success that will help you finally believe in yourself.»
Fifth. Be honest and sincere with yourself, you should not put on a mask and play the role of a happy person, if your heart is sad, you will not hide from longing, but you will not feel joy either. It is better to take courage and look into the eyes of those emotions that you avoid, only by living them, you can free yourself and “break the spell”. If you are afraid that you cannot cope alone, enlist the support of loved ones, or a qualified specialist. The main thing is to act until the swamp of apathy is deep.
Sixth. In the case of psychological trauma, it will take time. Learn to just be there for the one who has been hurt and wait without blaming or pressuring them.
Conclusion
And finally, I want to ask, do you know what other person is called indifferent? The one who had a numbness of the soul, or paralysis. So, in order not to become the same, be attentive, not only to loved ones, but also to yourself. Care, support and awareness will help you feel the fullness of life, breathe deeply and say to yourself: “I am so happy.”