You liked each other and agreed to meet to get to know each other better. How to understand in one evening whether this person is right for you? Clinical psychologist Diane Grand talks about four things to look out for in deciding whether to keep dating.
First of all, be honest with yourself and decide what you want: an easy and easy relationship or a serious and long-term one. If you are leaning towards the second option, look for four signs that will tell you if this person is right for you.
Kindness and compassion
Observe how a new acquaintance treats others, such as a cashier in a supermarket or a waiter. If he is polite to people regardless of their social status, this is a good sign that indicates that you have an emotionally responsive and well-mannered person in front of you. Rudeness and inappropriately violent reaction are dangerous signs that signal a lack of empathy. Evaluate how he reacts to your mistakes.
If you were late to a meeting because of a traffic jam or an unforeseen problem at work, did the person show understanding, or did you sit around looking unhappy all evening? The inability to forgive is another marker of an unresponsive person.
Common Interests and Values
Try to find out if you have something in common. Couples with similar interests are less likely to quarrel. In addition, people who have a lot in common become not only lovers, but also friends and spend more time together. This does not mean that all partners’ interests should coincide.
For long-term relationships, it is also important that people share the same values and views on issues such as work-life balance, having children, and family finances.
Personality type
“Opposites attract, but after a while they start to hate each other,” says psychologist Kenneth Kaye. However, problems arise only if people are polar opposites. A XNUMX% extrovert, who needs company day and night, and an introvert, for whom leaving the house is stressful, are unlikely to live together.
emotional stability
An adult emotionally stable person is not easily angered or offended. He does not take everything that happens around him to heart. And even if something upset him, he quickly restores a normal mood.
An emotionally unstable adult has frequent, unpredictable mood swings. For minor stress, such as the lack of free tables in a restaurant, he responds with an outburst of anger. An emotionally stable person is also disappointed, but quickly comes to his senses: he takes a deep breath and thinks about what to do.
When evaluating a potential mate, remember that there are no perfect people
If your new acquaintance seems responsive and emotionally stable to you, you have common interests and values, and his personality type is not opposite to yours, you can safely continue your acquaintance.
During the next meetings, it is worth assessing how reliable and responsible a person he is, whether he takes into account the interests of other people. Don’t his plans change every five minutes? Does he move from one job to another because of lateness and careless attitude? When evaluating a potential chosen one, remember that there are no perfect people. You need to find a person with whom you will understand each other both on an intellectual and emotional level.
A happy relationship also requires a certain amount of emotional stability. But the most important feature is the willingness of partners to jointly solve problems, talk about them aloud and listen carefully. Everyone is capable of changing for the better if they want to.
About the author: Diane Grand is a clinical psychologist.