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Crying in public – oh, how embarrassing! We failed to cope with our feelings, looked weak and pathetic, were vulnerable in front of everyone … We should be more indulgent with ourselves. Yes, adults cry – and they have the right to do so.
“You are an adult and are about to cry like a child, in front of everyone. Cause? You forgot your subway pass at home and held up the queue while rummaging through your wallet, and someone rudely reprimanded you. You planted a stain on your blouse on your way to work. Your ex-boyfriend posted a bunch of pictures of himself cuddling with a petite blonde on a beach in Thailand online, and it upsets all your ideas about him … Or something else. Tears come, although there is no special reason for them, but you cannot help yourself.
I don’t know about you, but I cry all the time. In every year of my life after my 20s, I cried more than in the previous one, but at the same time I was happier. Yes, now I cry a lot with joy. It’s so much like “mommy” behavior that sometimes, crying over a commercial, or a national anthem, or thinking about getting old, I think – yes, you’re just like a pregnant woman!
But this is not pregnancy, but normal life. I also cry from sadness, fear, love, once during sex – well, let’s not discuss it now, from hunger, fatigue and, sorry, PMS. According to my observations, there are many like me. And people should be calmer about their tears. Until that happens, here’s what you can do.
Remember what triggers you
Theoretically, if you know what can make you cry, you can avoid it. It’s impossible for me, because… to put it simply, life is too hectic and short. But still, I will say what can bring tears to my eyes: old people in love, the thought that someone I know will someday die, people passionately defending their beliefs.
I also cry when I try on a dress that should look great on me, but in the fitting room it turns out that it doesn’t fit well, although I thought that I could always rely on shirt dresses in case of need … and also when I think how much mom and dad put into my upbringing … and also any pain provokes tears, sad music, most films, some commercials, and once they were caused by a bridge.
Don’t be ashamed
Let yourself cry and move on. I don’t think you have to hide in the bathroom every time or be ashamed of tears in your eyes. If you understand that you are about to burst into tears, you should probably go to the landing (weeping women consider it the best secret place to sob). You have feelings, and there are more important reasons for shame.
Can’t resist? Unleash your feelings
“Some advise: never let anyone see you cry. And I think if you really feel bad and want to burst into tears – cry. It scares everyone.” So says screenwriter and actress Tina Fey. Exactly, Tina, exactly. Sometimes you want to cry just like that, for no reason. It’s better to restrain yourself here, otherwise those around you will immediately remind you that the absence of cheese in a Subway sandwich is not a reason not to work. But if someone treats you like the last bastard or someone’s act hurt you deeply, a stream of tears will quickly show everyone your true feelings.
Ladies, behave with dignity
If a woman bursts into tears – whether at her desk, in a bar, or somewhere in a corner at a party – do not exacerbate her feelings. Just pretend you don’t notice, unless you’re her best friend, of course. She does not need your participation, she does not at all wait for sympathetic ladies to gather around her, each of whom seeks to immediately find out what happened and who is to blame. She absolutely does not want everyone to draw attention to her at a time when she is so vulnerable. So stay away gentlemen.
The best friend will cope without you, she has different means for this: a helping look from a loved one, a friendly hug, an encouraging message. Sometimes we just need to cry, without any special reason, and sometimes there is a reason, and a very serious one, but we absolutely don’t want to share this with those who happened to be nearby. Basically, don’t stare at her. Everyone cries sometime. Literally. Each!
Never, ever blame a man for his tears.
When the man I was dating burst into tears one day in front of me, the thought flashed through my mind: did this make him less attractive or masculine? That’s stupidity!
In fact, if a man cries in your presence, it means that next to you it is so easy and simple for him that he is not afraid to discard all the dogmas inspired by him about masculinity and reveal his vulnerability to you. What could be more attractive! Give a man a handkerchief and treat him the same way you would treat a crying girlfriend.
Personally, I am ready to watch the scene from the seventh Harry Potter again and again, where all the students courageously and steadfastly defend with the help of magic wands what is dear to them (the school!), in the face of an almost invincible enemy. Are you ready friends? Let’s start crying!”
The first five minutes of the cartoon “Up”
“Why wait until the end of the cartoon to make the audience wipe their tears with their sleeves? – Pixar studio employees are perplexed. “Why not stab them in the heart with a sharp Knife of Terrible Truth in the first five minutes and make them cry for the rest of the time, until the entire cinema turns into rows of empty chairs with salt puddles on them. It’s so fun!” If you ever feel like crying, watch this cartoon. Just be careful, because the whole day will be wasted.
About the Author: Monica Heisey is a writer and author of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better: A Woman’s Guide to Coping with Life (Red Deer Press, 2015) by M. Heisey.