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In childhood, we were told: “every person has something good”, “we need to be kinder”, “give people a second chance”. Many really deserve understanding and sympathy. But in dealing with a narcissist, your kindness can turn into problems … for you.
The narcissist uses your compassion against you.
When a loved one is having a hard time, we tend to show empathy. Perhaps even take concrete steps to help him or her. Alas, for a narcissist, showing empathy is a sure sign of our weakness, which can be used to our advantage.
Do you think a drowning daffodil will gratefully accept a helping hand and repay you with kindness in return? You shouldn’t count on it. Rather, he will drag you along with him. More precisely, it will float out, leaning on you, and calmly leave the «rescuer» to sink.
You may have a false hope that the person will change
Hope makes us stay even in a toxic and unhealthy situation instead of running for our lives. She whispers promises in our ears: they say tomorrow will definitely be better. He says that everything will definitely change — including the person next to us. Yes, and he himself can ardently assure us of this. Unfortunately, this won’t happen.
One of the characteristics of narcissists is a deep inner sense of insecurity. The only sure way for them to feel better is to belittle the people around them and even treat them cruelly. But if we distance ourselves and the narcissist senses this, they can convincingly play the victim. This captivates many, and out of the goodness of their hearts, they again find themselves in a trap.
You can’t run away
The sad reality is that narcissists don’t change. Well, except in those rare cases when they voluntarily agree to undergo intensive psychotherapy until the end of their days.
You can show a lot of love, empathy, compassion and sympathy, but this will not make such a person show care in return. Most likely, he just does not care about everyone around him, including you.
Perhaps the narcissist is not to blame for being like this. But you are definitely not to blame. You are not responsible for his feelings and do not have to tolerate their manifestations. Most of us have a hard time in life. But we do not break down on others, we do not try to go over the heads and rise at the expense of others. Doing so is a choice, and narcissists make it time after time.
There are many other people who deserve your attention, respect, support and love. And those who prefer to manipulate others, devalue and poison them, should be excluded from the inner circle once and for all.