Some are given gifts and willingly help, while others rarely even receive bouquets for their birthday. What are they doing wrong? We understand the psychology of gifts and intrinsic value together with psychologist Ksenia Guseva.
Thankful people are more likely to receive gifts. Why? Let’s figure it out.
Imagine that a man publicly complimented you. How will you react? Will you blush? Make an angry face? Outraged? Now imagine how you would feel in the place of a man whose compliment was rejected. It is unlikely that he will want to say something pleasant to you again.
By reacting sharply to signs of attention, we make the partner feel ridiculous. We break the balance of «give — take» in a pair.
Why gifts are needed
Why do many women, and men too, find it difficult to ask for gifts? Most likely, in childhood, your parents said that there was no money, that you did not deserve, you were not praised, they took your actions for granted. Therefore, you think that gifts need to be earned, but just because you are not good enough for them.
It seems to you that if you do not ask, then you are behaving well, decently. But asking for gifts and attention is not ashamed. Shame and guilt in this situation are associated with an inadequate assessment of oneself, one’s qualities. Most likely, deep down you are sure that you are not worthy of surprises, you have no right to ask for something and want something.
Here the question already arises: do you trust your partner? If you can’t communicate your desire to him, how can you contact him when you find yourself in a serious situation and you urgently need help? And it’s not about money at all, but about trying to please you. And you will be sincerely grateful to him in return.
Why being grateful is important
Gratitude allows you to share positive emotions with another, recognize his efforts, show that he is important to you. Often problems between people arise precisely because one does not feel that his efforts are needed by another, and the other does not know how or is embarrassed to say “thank you”.
But if a loved one sees your gratitude, he wants to do something for you again.
Gratitude to the world, and not just to those who are nearby, helps to cope with the state of «I’m not enough.» We begin to see what we already have, to rejoice in it. And it is easier for us to believe in a dream, to accept what we want. Through gratitude, we change our quality of life. When you are grateful, you are content and emotionally rich and make others happy.
What is the right way to ask for gifts?
- Always give thanks, even if they just brought you bags, fixed a tap, nailed a shelf.
- Do not decide for another whether or not he can fulfill your request. Just ask for help.
- Ask sincerely and from the heart, and do not demand. Remember, no one owes you anything.
- Be specific in your requests. If you need something, please state exactly what it is, what it is, where to buy it.
We are not obliged to give each other gifts, but you must admit that sometimes it is very pleasant to make them. Especially when the one you give is sincerely happy and thanks. Then you feel like a real hero.