Do you often feel like the same unpleasant scenarios are repeated in your life? In family relationships, friendship, work. It is possible that traumatic stories from the past formed these negative patterns. And there is a method that helps to change them. What is its peculiarity, says the scheme-therapist Alexandra Yaltonskaya.
Schema therapy for Russia is a relatively new method. It grew out of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), but relies on attachment theory, developmental psychology, Gestalt therapy, psychodrama and transactional analysis.
The method arose when experts were trying to understand why CBT methods are effective for 70% of those suffering from depression, and not for 30%. They revealed the common thing that united the «naughty» wards. This is rigid black and white thinking that is difficult to change under the influence of CBT techniques.
A client with this mindset «knows he’s not bad», but continues to «feel» that way. It is more common in those who have experienced traumatic events or difficult childhoods.
Psychologies: What does «difficult childhood» mean?
Alexandra Yaltonskaya: For example, they did not pick him up, did not show warmth, care, praised him little or often scolded him, did not play with him. Or the parents were very busy with survival, like many in the 90s, and the child grew up on his own. Or he was physically, sexually or emotionally abused.
In such conditions, rigid ideas about oneself, about others and about the world are usually formed, which become personality traits, character. Sometimes these features do not interfere, but more often they limit or cause mental pain. Schema therapy is effective even when other methods have failed. For example, with severe personality disorders: borderline, narcissistic, antisocial.
In Holland, the method is used in prisons. Our forte is working with scenario patterns.
What patterns are you referring to?
For example, a woman was married several times and each time chose an emotionally cold, distant partner with whom she was not happy. Or a capable applicant regularly gets a good job, and six months later loses it due to an inefficient response to stress: he activates low-adaptive defensive strategies that have been entrenched due to an unfavorable past.
Can we say that schema therapy is character therapy?
Can. It helps to cope with those features, because of which we cannot build close relationships, do not dare to make life changes, or are simply unhappy. Expressed difficulties in the regulation of emotions, perfectionism, procrastination, insecurity, deeply low self-esteem — all these cases are considered the subject of work of the schema therapist.
Jeffrey Young, the founder of schema therapy, created a concept that integrated many theories and became a «bridge» between psychoanalysis and CBT, but at the same time has its own idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbour psyche and a strategy for helping.
Children need their parents to let them live their experiences and make mistakes. And while supporting
How is our psyche arranged in the interpretation of schema therapy?
We are born with certain biological features, temperament, sensitivity. And we all have basic emotional needs. From the first day of life, we find ourselves in an environment — first parental, then in a wider environment — where our needs are met or not. In full measure — let’s be fair — few people are satisfied with them. But there are situations when they are trampled roughly and regularly.
Then we develop negative ideas about how the world works, and a defense system is formed that helps us survive in conditions of emotional deficit. These beliefs—»cognitive schemas» and behavioral patterns—reinforce and influence us throughout our lives. And they often interfere with building life the way we would like, and being happy, but otherwise we don’t know how.
To teach new behavior and relationships with oneself and the world is the task of psychotherapy. We work at a deep level, and this is a long-term process.
What emotional needs do you consider basic?
Geoffrey Young describes five main groups. The first is secure attachment, love, care, acceptance. This is the foundation. Those who are deprived of it often develop a scheme of defectiveness: «I am not worthy of love, I am bad.» The inner critic simply destroys them for every little reason.
The second need is to express your feelings and desires. It happens that children do not have time to cry, as they are immediately distracted. Or they say: “girls don’t get angry”, “boys don’t cry”. The child concludes: «my feelings are not important.» Growing up, he hides experiences from others or does not pay attention to them. The question «What do you want?» confuses him. There are a lot of «shoulds» in his vocabulary.
Why is that bad?
The repression of our emotions and desires is dangerous: they are our internal “traffic light”, they signal what is valuable to us, warn of a threat or violation of boundaries. It is especially important to hear yourself when it comes to big decisions.
For example, a man wants a child, but a woman does not. If she follows the path of self-sacrifice, then anger and guilt await her. The consequences will be severe for everyone.
What’s the next need?
The third need is for autonomy, competence, and a sense of identity. Children need their parents to let them live their experiences and make mistakes. And at the same time they supported: “Let’s try again. I’m here, go ahead!»
Many people know how to work, be successful, but they don’t know how to laugh and play
And what is the danger here?
If in childhood we are surrounded by overprotection, not allowing us to act on our own, then we will have a cognitive scheme of failure: “What can I do?” Then we will doubt everything, it will be difficult for us to make decisions without looking at others.
The next need is for realistic boundaries. Any child should understand: hurting others is wrong, you can’t watch cartoons endlessly and eat chocolate without limit.
If there are no boundaries and rules, then a scheme of «privilege / grandiosity» or «violation of self-control» may arise. This schema is at the heart of narcissistic pathology, with all its problems.
The fifth requirement remains …
In spontaneity and play. Among my clients, many do not know how to play and sincerely, childishly, have fun. They know how to work, be successful and efficient, but they don’t know how to laugh, play, improvise. When a schema therapist gives such clients the task of telling a joke to friends, watching a funny video with a colleague, it is difficult for them.
Are there times when all five needs were not met?
They happen, and often. If the first two needs are not satisfied, then the rest, as a rule, go by the trailer. For someone who has a defective schema (I am unlovable), the way to cope is to refuse to feel, the habit of drowning out the pain with alcohol, drugs, work to the point of exhaustion.
The behavior, feelings, thoughts of every adult come from childhood. And we, schema therapists, unravel this tangle and work through the problem not only in the present, but also at its source.
But we cannot go back in time and correct the fact of violence…
Alas, we are not wizards and will not remake a cruel dad or a cold mom. But we can change those «schemes» and messages that the client once received. So, if a child was beaten, then he concludes: «I’m bad, and it makes no sense to defend myself» — and as an adult, he enters into a relationship where the partner beats him. Our work will allow him to understand that he does not deserve it, that violence is unacceptable and that he can defend himself.
Is there a «proprietary» technique for such an impact?
Yes, it’s called rescripting. Neuroscience studies show that when we see a real apple or imagine it, the same areas of the brain are activated. Therefore, in rescripting, we turn to memories when the client was a child and wanted, for example, to go for a walk, but his father stopped him: “Walking is nonsense. You will grow up stupid, learn!
The schema therapist takes an active position: he “enters” the memory and explains to the father that it is important for the child to play and rest, asks to reduce pressure, to recognize the diversity of needs. And it works until the Inner Child of an adult client feels that his needs are met.
Sometimes the therapist acts very decisively, may «send the abuser to prison or to another planet» and «take the child to live in a safe house.» He acts as a «good parent» who is always on the side of the child.
This is how we teach the client what his inner good Parent should be like, strengthen a healthy Adult, and as a result, the client himself becomes such an adult who cares, supports and makes his Inner Child happy.