“Going out with a woman older than you”; “Help, my man is 20 years older than me!” On the net, there are many testimonials from couples who have a big age difference. What is the difference compared to other couples? Younger or older, your new companion takes your couple off the paths marked by social norms. Perhaps this is your opportunity to blossom into a more mature relationship. Or on the contrary, do you want a refreshing kick? We tell you all about the age difference between the couple …
When he is older
This scenario remains the most classic, but contrary to appearances, it still generates a lot of talk. The a priori are numerous: young women would make this type of relationship choice for money, social situation, finding a substitute father … As for the men, they would have caught the famous “midday demon” at the turn of their forties, even fifty!
“These are couples who no longer really fit into the current norm,” emphasizes psychologist Rusla Vial. Yet until the emergence of the amorous “choice”, the man was almost always older. The transmission of property, social or family tradition prevailed in what were called “arranged” marriages. But today, this age difference seems more suspect. “
Young women who love significantly older men of course tend to unconsciously seek out the image of a father. But they also claim to be quite bored with men their age. They find in their companion an experience of life, a maturity, an open-mindedness, and sometimes an intellectual stimulation, which are lacking in the men of their generation. In addition, they need to feel protected and secure. The man who chooses a younger woman is often, too, in search of reassurance in general, and not only on his power of seduction! He certainly feels valued in this relationship, but the energy and youth of his partner can also motivate him, help him make projects, build things, in short, feel “in life” again!
“It is often the issue of the child that can be problematic,” warns Rusla Vial. In this situation, it happens that the man already has them. When his young wife feels the desire, he is not sure that his companion can answer it. Either because he doesn’t want it anymore, or because it is more difficult for him to project himself into the future. “
A gap between the two people can also appear in opinions, habits, ways of thinking, if the generation gap is really very important. Finally, the young woman can feel locked up, want something else after a while, but above all, worry about the health of her companion who is aging.
When she is older
The glances on these couples still considered as singular are, often, at worst disapproving, at best dubious. “We cannot forgive a woman for getting old, especially if she is very beautiful,” comments Rusla Vial. Age is more of a social handicap for women than for men. It is akin in people’s minds to a physical drift. This type of relationship often prompts this question: “What does he find in her?” As for young men who choose older women, they are downright called gigolos!
Even if for many women, it is still taboo to flaunt themselves on the arm of a younger man, many fulfilled XNUMX-year-olds do not hesitate to turn to young people in their thirties who are more available, less absorbed in their work, more energetic. and it must be said, more “wanting” than men of their age. Men who make this choice are attracted to women who are fulfilling professionally, socially and physically! They know each other, know what they want and are often freed from their doubts and complexes! This situation is better assumed than before and is even becoming a fashion phenomenon!
“These stories can easily slip into a mother-son relationship,” analyzes Rusla Vial. It is as if the couple made a tacit agreement of mutual protection. She protects him like a mother and reassures him by making him feel younger. If the young man is not mature enough, does not manage to evolve, to take charge of his life and is indeed looking for a surrogate mother, the woman may tire of a role for which she does not feel suited! On the contrary, if she tries to lock her young lover into a life that is too standardized, he will end up flying away if he is not ready to commit.