Children and Lies: Why Is My Child Lying?

Children and Lies: Why Is My Child Lying?

Around 4 or 5 years old, the child begins to develop his imagination and creates a universe that is sometimes very different from the reality he is living. He makes up stories for himself and can give the impression of lying. But if he distorts reality, he does not necessarily become a liar.

Why is the child lying?

In full evolution, the preschool child discovers his imagination, his creativity and loves to play inventing stories. But faced with these little lies, parents may ask questions, and fear that this type of behavior will have repercussions in his life.Adolescent then adult. However, it is not! This is a completely normal stage in a child’s development and will gradually go away on its own.

If they like to have fun “lying” to play by creating wacky stories and characters, it can also happen to them to hide a nonsense or avoid punishment. It is therefore their way of fleeing from an unpleasant situation. But it is also an attitude that they adopt to please or value themselves towards their parents or their friends.

It can also happen that they lie because they are jealous of a classmate, that they dream of achieving feats in sports or in the artistic world or simply to hide poor self-confidence.

In any case, as they grow older, they will end up limiting this kind of attitude since little by little they will become aware of reality and distinguish between good and bad.

Faced with the lies of the child, how should we react?

It is clear that this learning of the truth does not, of course, happen overnight. It will therefore take time for the child to integrate this notion and stop inventing stories and lies. To encourage him on this path, here are some tips:

  • Teach him the difference between reality and imagination. Explain that not all stories in books are based on reality, and suggest that they make some up with you. Just explain to him how important it is to always tell the truth and give him examples that touch him and that he will easily understand;

  • Take the time to listen to him and play with him to encourage his creativity. Do not punish or scold him when he brings up imaginary facts, let him speak freely. On the other hand, you can use humor when telling little lies, but do not make fun of the child, at the risk of pointing him out and making the situation worse;
  • Let him know you understand him when he uses lies to evoke his desires and wishes, and turn his invention into reality so that he becomes aware of his actions or his emotions. For example, say “do you want to take judo lessons and then become a champion, like in your story?” “;
  • If he is using the lie to cover up some nonsense, don’t overreact and focus on finding solutions. Make him participate so that he realizes, on the one hand, that he is responsible for stupidity, and on the other hand, that it is useless to lie but that on the contrary, telling the truth allows to get things done;
  • Praise him when he has the courage to tell the truth, even if it means confessing stupidity. Encouraging his good behavior will give him self-confidence, and allow him to understand that the truth is always the right solution;
  • Finally, on your side, do not lie to him. Set a good example for him, and don’t hide behind a ready-made phrase like “adults do what they want”, you will create great confusion in his mind;
  • Also question yourself. Sometimes it is only in order not to hurt a parent that the child starts to lie. Indeed, around 7 or 8 years old, he feels the emotions of others and truly discovers empathy. He is then ready to do anything not to hurt his loved ones. Thus, it could happen to this kind of behavior to preserve you, as for example, during a painful divorce or family concerns. Not to make the child feel guilty is in a way not to give him the opportunity to lie.

    • Learning to tell the truth and having the courage to admit mistakes is not easy for children. It will take time, patience and a lot of gentleness to help him integrate this value of honesty so important for his future adult life and his integration into society.

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