Children: 11 crisis situations resolved thanks to positive education

11 crisis situations with children resolved through positive education.

From 10 months to 5 years

My child sticks to me all day

I see. Whatever we do, he hangs on us, until he follows us to the bathroom. Before 3 years, there is nothing abnormal in this behavior. Most children behave this way, although some, already appearing to be more independent, are exceptions. If he is over 3 years old, our child is surely in a situation of insecurity and he finds comfort with his attachment figures, his father and his mother.

I act. An important phone call to make? Need to breathe a bit? We take her to her room and calmly tell her “Mum must be alone for a while and she will come back to pick you up in a few minutes”. During this time, we give him his favorite toy or book, or his blanket to reassure him.

On anticipe. It is important to identify the source of the problem. We are questioning him. Someone annoys him at school, he will soon have a little brother or a sister… So many reasons that can be responsible for his insecurity. We reassure him and we stay in communication, as often as possible without getting angry with him and rebuffing him when he follows us. We explain to him that he can talk to us at any time, about his joys, his sorrows, his annoyances, and we make sure to never betray his trust (by making fun of him for example).

From 18 months to 6 years

He refuses to eat that cheese pie he loved a week ago

I see. If he loved it last week, there is a priori no reason why he does not want to taste this pie today. It is surely because we changed something in the way of offering him: we cut the part in front of him when he wanted to serve himself, we gave him a broken part, too small or too big … And that bothers him!

I act. Without feeling guilty, we avoid the conflict around the plate. Before taking the time to identify the reason for his dissatisfaction, we can improvise a fun little ceremony so that he will forget this annoyance and taste it again. For the little ones, we can make this pie happy by adding two small cherry tomatoes as eyes and a little ketchup sauce to draw a laughing mouth. For older children, you can put aside the offending piece of pie and simply let it cut another.

On anticipe. Giving a child a cheese pie is not the most digestible thing, especially in the evening. In toddlers who refuse it and who do not have the opportunity to communicate verbally with their parents, we make sure that it does not simply come from an intestinal disorder.

From 2 years old to 5 years old

My son rolls on the floor at the supermarket if I refuse to buy him candy

I see. This kind of reaction has nothing to do with the frustration of not having candy. This is the interpretation we make of it since it comes just after a refusal. In reality, it is the electric (crowd, hubbub, people in a hurry…) and technological (loudspeakers, electronic cash registers and screens of all kinds…) atmosphere of the supermarket that tends to annoy him. His brain is over-stimulated, his neurons saturate, then this excessive reaction occurs. At the same time, he picks up another important information: that his parent does not pay particular attention to him, and that bothers him. And anger arises! 

I act. We take a deep breath. We turn to the disapproving audience and look at them with their heads held high, to show them that we are handling the situation perfectly. It defuses the crisis and lowers the stress level for both of us. We crouch down in front of him and put him on our knees to give him a hug. If that’s not enough or we don’t dare, we tell him straight in the eye: “You won’t have any candy, but you choose the cereals!” We create a diversion: “We go to the cash register and you help me to put the races on the carpet, the first to arrive wins!” Or we talk to her about us at the same age: “Me too, one day, I was very angry, because grandma refused to buy me a doll”. It surprises him!

On anticipe. As much as possible, when you go shopping with your child, they are given one or more assignments depending on the time spent in the supermarket. Whether it is rolling a small shopping cart and filling it as you go, going to choose his favorite pasta or weighing fruits and vegetables … he will feel useful and pay less attention to the high-voltage atmosphere. places.

From 2 years old to 5 years old

I always have to negotiate for her to give me her hand in the street

I see. In the street, we spend our time giving him orders: “Give me your hand”, “It’s dangerous to cross!” »… A vocabulary and a tone perceived as an aggressiveness which does not pass for our loulou. In reaction, he will refuse to give us a hand, regardless of the number of negotiations attempted.

I act. We forget the orders that solicit his stress circuit and which systematically have the opposite effect: the child will want to run and not listen. It is preferable to establish with him the instruction “In the street, one gives the hand”. And if, in the middle of the street, he rebels, he is offered to drive the stroller while staying behind him, he is given the baguette, a small bag of groceries or the mail of the day with one hand while holding it from there. ‘other. The goal of the game: “We must not let go until the house.”

On anticipe. Establish from an early age the fact that in the street, we hold hands and that there are no other solutions. In order for him to integrate it, we can help him by playing, with Playmobil or his favorite figurines: “Look, this Playmobil is crossing the street. You saw, he gives his mother his hand well ”… By repeating the scene several times and by multiplying the contexts of play, the child gradually records the instructions.

From 18 months to 2 years

He turns his room upside down as soon as I finish tidying up

I see. Around 2 years old, he likes to imitate us. He sees us tidy up, pass the cloth, the broom or the vacuum cleaner, and tries to reproduce these small gestures. Suddenly, hardly the finished cleaning, here it disturbs everything. He cleans up the mess to have the pleasure of putting everything back in order… in his own way. And that annoys us, of course.

I act. Right away, to avoid unpleasant surprises when we put the room in order, we give him a rag. he can then have fun dusting his wardrobe, the bars of his bed … To stay calm, we say to ourselves that his reaction is perfectly natural. It’s part of his personal development. We therefore see no perversity on his part, no desire to provoke us either, an attitude that he is not able to have at this age.

On anticipe. To be quiet, we do the big cleaning when the child is at the nursery, at the nanny’s, or gone for a walk with grandpa and grandma. Otherwise, in his presence, he is given a little corner to do himself.

2 to 5 years

She hasn’t wanted to sleep in her bed for a week … but with us

I see. This attitude indicates that she is anxious, that she needs to be closer to her parents and that she is anxious about sleeping alone in her bed.

I act. First thing, we ask him the question: why? If she speaks, she will surely explain to us that a ghost has slipped under her bed, that she is afraid of that big stuffed animal above her bed, of a painting where the man is grimacing … If she doesn’t not talking yet, it is important to restore a reassuring ritual at bedtime. It will help him slowly reclaim his space at night. We read her a calm story (no wild animals, no images or drawings that are too dark or mysterious), we give her a lullaby, even if it means staying by her side until she falls asleep, or to leave the night light on for the first few nights.

On anticipe. Like milk on the fire, everything is done to put out the fire rather than wiping up the overflowed milk. We try that his room is an environment devoid of any disruptive element, that it has a sober decoration so that it feels good there. We avoid overloading it with stuffed animals or figurines, we turn off all electronic toys that could talk or flash at night. We also see if Chinese shadows form on the walls of the room when a car or a truck passes in the street, likely to scare him …

3 to 6 years

Overnight, she refuses to take a bath

I see. Maybe the day before, she was simply interrupted in a game that she wanted to lead to the end, that she was in her imaginary world from which she was brutally extirpated. Suddenly, she stepped in. Sometimes, too, we mistakenly think that the problem is with the bath. In any case, the child is clearly opposed to something.

I act. Right now, we’re trying to make bath time as fun as possible to defuse the crisis. We sing, we take out the tubes of soap bubbles… We can also let it fill the tub by itself and add the bubble bath. Each day, we can vary the pleasures … We also take the opportunity to identify the cause of the refusal by talking with him, big enough now to verbalize, by reassuring him. Without pushing him because we are in a hurry!

On anticipe. As with homework, meals or bedtime, the bath should ideally take place every evening at the same time. When repeated, habits in young children are less likely to be refused. This way, we can free up some time for him afterwards so that he can play after bathing or homework, without being interrupted. To calm things down, you can also dispense with the bath the next day …

2 to 6 years

My son always pushes back the time to go to bed

I see. Every night he falls asleep later and later. Once in bed, he demands that I read him a story, then two, then three, several times asks for hugs, several glasses of water, goes back to pee two or three times … In France, we systematically try to put children to sleep. at 20 p.m., it’s cultural. Except that, like adults, each child has their own sleep cycle, “their time”. It’s physiological, some fall asleep early, others fall into Morpheus’ arms around 21 p.m., or even 22 p.m. And it is not that the child does not want to sleep, but that he cannot sleep. In this specific case, it’s a safe bet that he is not tired.

I act. Ok, isn’t he tired? He is offered to settle down all the same comfortably in his bed so that mum or dad can read him a story or two. Chances are he will start blinking. You can also stay a book or read the newspaper for a while next to him. It will reassure him.

On anticipe. It is essential to identify “his bedtime”, the time when he begins to touch his face, to rub his eyes to begin the ritual of washing teeth-pee-story-hugs and big kiss. If the weekend, we go for a walk and that we do a lot of car, we also make sure that, rocked by the road, he does not sleep during the entire trip so as not to disturb his fall asleep at night.

2 to 8 years

He pretends to listen, but does as he pleases

I see. When getting dressed, putting on his shoes, eating… he seems to hear us, looks at us, but does nothing. It happens a lot at this age, especially with little boys. Some people, in their bubble, in a game or while reading, can hear outside sounds, but pay no attention to them more than that.

I act. We don’t talk to him on the fly. We approach and touch his arm to talk to him and capture his attention. We look him in the eyes, we explain to him that “we will have dinner in 5 minutes”. Besides, we can never say it enough, but shouts, orders or words thrown around have no effect, except to annoy everyone. As for the famous: “A taaaable!” », Which they hear so much every day, they don’t really pay attention to it anymore!

On anticipe. For all the small daily tasks, we adopt with our child a personalized ritual of a few seconds to explain to him what is expected of him. For example, we can ask him to bring the bread to the table … It really does not take much time and in 99% of cases, this simple precaution is enough. 

From 10 months to 5 years

He is good at nursery / school, but as soon as I arrive in the evening he gets angry!

I see. When his father or mother comes to pick him up from nursery or school, he refuses to put on his coat, runs in all directions, yells … This is typically the case of a little one who, during the day, takes on him to conform to his comrades, to the framework and to the authority… And in the evening, when one arrives (often the emotional figure to which he is closest), he totally releases the pressure.

I act. It is an automatic mechanism, totally healthy in young children. But it stresses us out because it happens every night, we get into the habit of going through the square before returning home so that he can let off steam a little, we let him play in the garden before the bath… We let him expel all the stimulation and pressure of the day.

And after… If time is of the essence when you get home, you can ask your child to set the table while the meal is being prepared or to help him “cook” while we chat. Precious moments and often placed under the sign of good humor which have the art of unpinning tensions.

4 to 8 years

He only eats if I leave him the tablet at the table

I see. Little by little, this annoying habit of eating with the tablet took hold at home, a little more each day. And today, our loulou requires the tablet to swallow every bite.

I act. First of all, we make sure that he does not have too much food on his plate. Sometimes, we have the impression that he is not eating anything, even though he has been served an adult plate! A little tip to respect the right quantities of meat for example: we limit ourselves to a quarter of the small palm of your hand! This question eliminated, the problem of the tablet is solved. And barely seated for dinner, the tablet at the end of the table, clearly visible, we start talking to him about his passion for tennis, his best friend, the next vacation … A new moment of sharing that will distract him from his habit without conflict. And if he asks for it again, we get our hands on it and ask him to tell us about his game … And why not, we offer him a board game after the meal.

And after… We think of telling him that we are going to the table 5 minutes before, so that he can finish his game and logically, we force ourselves to put our smartphone in a room other than that of the meal so as not to be tempted. Because… technological weaning is valid for everyone (including us!), Just to change these habits. In general, we zap the tablet at the table and use it as little as possible outside! Scientific studies have proven it: it is dangerous for the health of children under 3 years old. His only interest? When a child must receive medical care, for example an injection. Playing a little movie or a cartoon on the tablet allows him to divert his attention and forget about the pain.

At all ages …

You can also try the EFT method, which consists of free yourself from negative emotions by touching specific points of the body. Applied to children, it helps to overcome phobias and blockages.