Many mothers are extremely concerned about the question: is it worth taking the child to your bed or is it better for him to sleep separately? This question is really very important. What are the pros and cons of both sleep options, Woman’s Day found out from a psychologist.
Usually, children end up in the parent’s bed for several reasons.
- First, parents of a restless child often have to get up to go to the nursery and calm their awakened toddler. In the end, they take him with them, so that they know that everything is fine with the child and that he feels safe.
- Secondly, many children are afraid to be alone and all the time try to stay overnight with their parents.
So can you sleep with your child? If so, up to what age?
If we talk about babies, then mommy is comfortable sleeping next to her. Yes, babies need sleep together to get enough motherly warmth in the first months of life. The woman herself is so arranged that the maximum concentrations of prolactin, a hormone that leads to milk production, are formed in her body at night while sucking a baby. And bodily contact with the baby only stimulates these processes.
It is impossible to overestimate the fact that at night the mother does not have to jump out of bed with the baby, she will get better sleep, which means that she will feel better, be less irritable, which will not slow down to affect the baby.
If there is no way to sleep nearby, then you should put the crib as close as possible so that the child can hear the mother’s breathing, feel her smell, heartbeat. After the baby is 6 months old, you can lay it down separately. Even the smallest child needs his personal space to form a full-fledged individuality and independence. The baby should have his own crib from the first days of life, even if he is still sleeping with his mother.
The best age for getting used to sleeping separately is closer to 2 years. The fact is that by this time the child is already separating himself from his parents, slowly begins to strive for independence. In addition, it is advisable to have time to transfer the child to a separate bed before he starts going to the kindergarten. Having got used to sleeping separately, the baby is easier to adapt to kindergarten.
If you did not manage to teach the child to sleep separately, you should not shift him at the moment when he just starts attending the kindergarten. Both events are stressful for the baby.
Until about 4-5 years of age, there are times when the child needs to sleep with his parents (the child is sick, fears, restless night sleep, frequent awakenings), but this should not be constant. You can put the child with you, then when he falls asleep, transfer him to the crib or in the morning allow him to lie down with the adults. Sleeping with your parents all night is not recommended.
It is believed that sleeping with parents together deprives the child of the opportunity to learn to fall asleep on their own, and this is an important skill that is necessary in the child’s life. Mothers who are overly worried about their baby, do not let go of themselves, overprotect, constantly experience anxiety, are able to instill a sense of anxiety in the child, and he needs to learn to cope with difficulties and fears on his own. Your crib, which is safe, cozy and close to your parents, forms such an experience. In no case should it become a place where the child is in punishment: “If you do not obey – you will go to the crib!”
If a school-age child is still sleeping with his mother, then everything is not in order in the relationship of the parents. After all, a bed is an intimate area for two. If there is consent in the family, then the parents agree that the child sleeps only in his own crib and observe this rule. If a child is old enough to sleep with one parent, the other may feel rejected, which can lead to family discord. In this case, the child needs to be explained that the parents are two halves and they should sleep together, and the child, when he grows up, will also meet his soul mate.
Sharing sleep with other family members – grandparents, siblings – can also be problematic, because a child also has a sexuality of its own. She is not the same as in adults, and she has to develop into full-fledged with age, and joint sleep with adults or other children can unnecessarily stimulate this process.
The main purpose of sleep is to get enough sleep and gain strength, and this applies to the whole family: mom, dad, child and other children. If dad cannot sleep in the same bed with the baby all night, because he is afraid of crushing him, it is worth abandoning the idea of sleeping all together. As an alternative to sleeping together, you can move the child’s bed to the parent’s bed and lower its front partition. It turns out that the baby sleeps separately, but at the same time next to her mother.
If the family lives in a one-room apartment, it is necessary to take care of the normal sleep of other children. They may be disturbed by a newborn crying in the middle of the night. In this case, mom is better off taking him to sleep with her.
Every person and family is different. Therefore, you yourself must decide what is best for you. Moreover, it is not only mom who should decide, but dad too. His opinion must be taken into account. Otherwise, having ignored him once or twice, mom will always have to decide everything on her own, and in this case there will be nothing to be offended by her husband.
Woman’s Day wishes you a healthy sleep and a good rest!