Baby jokes: funny to tears

“Mom is beautiful, dad is beautiful and even Alina (older sister) is beautiful, and for some reason I am just small.”

“Vika, let’s tie a ponytail, you’ll walk beautifully!” “I don’t want to be beautiful, I want to walk normally.”

“Mom, give me some candy.” “Doesn’t it stick together in the ass?” “Nooooo, I eat it with my mouth.”

The sea is played in the sand. “Vika, what are you doing?” “I’m digging the sea!”

An adult woman enters the store. Lenya comes up to her and asks: “What is your name?” – “And what will you call me: aunt, grandmother or by name and patronymic?” He thought a little: “By name and patronymic!” The visitor replies: “My name is Olga Petrovna!” Lenya with importance: “Then you call me Leonid Vladimirovich!”

Lenya: “Mom and Dad! We urgently need another child! ” Mom: “Why, we have you!” Lenya: “Mom, you don’t understand! You and your dad have adult toothpaste for two, so I want my children’s toothpaste for two too! “

Zhorik asks: “Mom, what is Baba Halka?” We broke our heads. It turned out that the firecracker is babAkhalka.

“Mom, why doesn’t the choreographer need mathematics?” – “Why?” – “Well, he only counts up to 8.”

“Zhora, what’s your dad’s name?” – “Misha”. – “And mom?” – “Mom is a girl.”

He watches football with his dad on TV and asks very expressively: “Why, I wonder, are so many guys running after just one ball, and why the goalkeeper doesn’t lie down in front of the goal so that the ball doesn’t get there?”

“And on what strings does the Earth hang in space?”

“What should you call a white swan if it’s a girl? You can’t say “white swan girl?”

“Mom, what foot do you start walking with at traffic lights?”

Marina is sitting in her dad’s arms, he is an electrician, he is soldering something, she asks, he explains, then she says: “Everything, I understand already, stop talking about talents (the expression of the eldest daughter“ calm down your talents ”)”.

In the kindergarten she whines in the morning, does not want to stay, I persuade her, persuade her: “That’s why you are crying?” Marina replies: “To make everyone have fun.”

He puts on jeans incorrectly, cannot pull on his butt, gives out the phrase: “Look how fat your butt is, don’t buy me any more kinder.”

I smeared my lips with a felt-tip pen, I ask: “And where are you going so beautiful?” Answers: “I am so beautiful, I will go to the cinema.”

The other day we saw a bald man and asked loudly: “Where is all his hair? Is it blown away by the wind? ” By the way, there was a wind.

“I have a grandmother, how is grandmother? Double grandmother (meant great-grandmother) ”.

“Why is the Earth round? And her uncle Putin blew it like a balloon. “

At the dentist, when I saw the boxes of sweets: “Aunt, you just told me that you can’t eat a lot of sweets, your teeth will hurt, but you’ll have a lot of sweets with your teeth”.

Dima saw a payphone, walked around it, and then said: “I don’t understand, is this a new ATM?”

Misha eats lasagna for the first time and says: “I love LAZA!” After a while: “I loved the GLAZE so much!” I remind him that the dish is called lasagna. In the evening I ask: “Son, what is the name of the dish that you tried for the first time today?” Misha: “EYES!”

Misha sits down to dinner. Me: “Son, now you will have lunch and we will do your homework (we go to developmental classes).” Misha: “No, I don’t want to study!” Me: “What will you work with without education when you grow up?” Misha: “And I will work at the pharmacy!” I object: “Oh! Do you know how much you need to study to be hired to work in a pharmacy? ” Misha: “Nothing !!! I already know BRONCHIKUM! “

Dad: “Daughter, if I were you, I would not go for a walk with Tanya.” Arisha: “And you don’t go.”

Parents ask Arisha where she is going. Answers: “Where, where, to Karaganda!”

There was a quarantine in the kindergarten, I asked her, they say, were you left without suitors? And she replies to me: “I replaced them with new ones, one takes them for a walk, the other to the locker room, the third to the bed. So I’m a snappy woman. “

We were in a traffic jam, Alena says: “Everyone is in a hurry to go somewhere, because of them we can’t get home, we couldn’t stay at work, or something.”

When I was pregnant with my daughter, he said: “Mom, what is in your tummy?” “I have a lala,” I answer. – What have you got? “And I have macavonas and juice.”

I take Sasha in my arms and say: “Wow, how heavy you are!” And he answered me: “Of course, I’m already what a boar.”

My daughter was eager to go for a walk, and there was a strong wind outside. I discouraged her, discouraged her, but she urged her to leave for at least 5 minutes. Well, we decided to take a short walk – go to the store. We left the house, and the wind began to blow the daughter away, the purse flew away. And I walked in front. I turn, I look, Nastya hits her forehead with her palm and says: “Here I am an idiot.”

Tomorrow Nastya goes to the kindergarten for the first time. We are preparing her for this, explaining that tomorrow Nastya will go to kindergarten and meet the children. To this Nastya replies: “Yes, and the woman will go to the kindergarten, and the mother will go, and the father will go. Everyone will go, and I will go to bed at home. “

We are driving in the car with the whole family, on the side of the road we see a grandfather with a very beautiful goat. It had spiral horns and a goatee. Fatimka looked in the other direction, and therefore I drew her attention: “Daughter, look, what a beautiful goat!” To which her answer followed: “Mom, I don’t stare at other people’s men!” Our dad drove to the side of the road to a friendly laugh.

When Fatima was five years old, she went to English. Arriving from the next lesson, she complained to a neighbor that their teacher was very stupid. A neighbor asks: “Fatimochka, can a teacher be stupid?” To which Fatimka replied: “Of course! She shows us letters every lesson and asks: “Children, what letter is this?”

Who is the funniest kid? Voting is closed!

The most votes were cast for Vika Dzhemalinskaya – 1108 (or 46,3%), and Vika receives a prize – an IRBIS TS70 tablet computer. We congratulate the winner!

Voting ended on May 12, 2016 at 15:00.

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