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IVF: the revelation of conception to the child
Florence did not hesitate to reveal to her twins how they were conceived. ” For me it was natural to tell them, that they understand that we had had a little help from medicine to get them », Confides this young mother. For her, as for dozens of other parents, the revelation about the design fashion was no problem. Strongly criticized at its inception, IVF has now entered the mentality. It is true that in 20 years, the techniques of medically assisted procreation (MAP) have become commonplace. Some 350 babies are now conceived each year through in vitro fertilization, or 000% of the 0,3 million babies born worldwide. A record!
The way the baby was conceived …
The stakes are not the same for children born of anonymous parentage. Reproduction by donation of sperm or oocytes has developed considerably in recent years. In all cases, the donation is anonymous. The Bioethics Law of 1994, confirmed in 2011, in fact ensures the anonymity of gamete donation. The donor cannot be informed of the destination of his donation and, vice versa: neither the parents nor the child will ever be able to know the identity of the donor. In these conditions, disclose or not the particular mode of conception to his child is a permanent source of questioning on the part of parents. Know your origins, your family history is essential to build. But is the only information on the mode of conception sufficient to fulfill this need for knowledge?
IVF: keep it a secret?
In the past, you didn’t have to say anything. But one day or another, the child discovered the truth, it was an Open secret. “There is always someone who knows. The question of resemblances sometimes plays a role, it is the child himself who feels something. », Underlines the psychoanalyst Genevieve Delaisi, specialist in questions of bioethics. In these circumstances, revelation was thus often made at the time of conflict. When a divorce went badly, a mother denounced her ex-husband as not being the “father” of her children. An uncle confessed on his deathbed …
If the announcement causes any upheaval in the child, an emotional shock, it is even more violent if he learns it at the time of a family dispute. “The child does not understand that it has been hidden from him for so long, it means for him that his story is shameful. », Adds the psychoanalyst.
IVF: tell the child, but how?
Since then, mentalities have evolved. Couples are now advised not to keep secrets around the child. If he asks questions about his birth, about his family, the parents must be able to provide him with the answers. “Its design method is part of its history, it must be informed in full transparency,” said Pierre Jouannet, former head of CECOS.
Yes, but how to say it then? It’s first parents to take responsibility for the situation, if they are not comfortable with this question of origins, if it echoes a suffering, then the message may not get through well. However, there is no miracle recipe. Remain humble, explain why we appealed for a donation of gametes. As for the age, it is better to avoid adolescence, which is a period when children are fragile. ” Many young parents say it very early when the child is 3 or 4 years old.. He is already able to understand. Other couples prefer to wait until they are adults or old enough to be parents themselves ”.
However, is this information alone sufficient? On this point, the law, very clear, guarantees the anonymity of donors. For Genevieve Delaisi, this system creates frustration in the child. “It’s important to tell him the truth, but basically that doesn’t change the problem, because his next question will be, ‘So who is this?’ And the parents will then only be able to answer that they do not know. ”