Intolerance towards the elderly is so deeply rooted in our society that we sometimes do not pay attention to it and even take it for a certain norm. Psychologist Holly Parker calls to resist ageism.
A couple of years ago, I worked on the city’s environmental committee. My colleagues and I chose a local restaurant where we could have a nice bite to eat and chat. I ran to one of these get-togethers in joyful excitement: a former member of the committee was about to join our company. He stood at the origins of the organization, was its legend, with a reputation as a brave, straightforward, fair, ardent defender of nature, ready to take risks and defend an independent opinion.
I was looking forward to meeting the idol and looking forward to bombarding him with questions about the history of the committee and his work, about how he sees the future of our city … But when he appeared, it seemed to me that this was not at all the hero that everyone admired so much . Speaks in an undertone, holds stiffly. Although he was extremely polite and amiable, it was felt that trying to stir him up was useless.
Everything cleared up when he dropped: «The old people are glad to see, but not to listen.» What?! I froze in disbelief. Previously, this man was the embodiment of strength and confidence, and his powerful voice inspired great things. What happened?
The unsightly essence of ageism in most cases goes unnoticed, despite its ubiquitous nature.
Ageism happened. This concept brings together countless prejudices related to age. What is especially bad is that we calmly watch him in action, and almost no one thinks to exclaim: “Listen, something is wrong here!” It is like a weed: seemingly harmless, but as soon as you touch it, hundreds of poisonous thorns dig into the skin.
«Prickles» are different:
- negative ideas about old age: ugly, weak, boring;
- emphatically condescending epithets: «puny», «eccentric»;
- “rules of decency” for the elderly: keep quiet, do not flaunt your body, do not wear it, do not go there, give way to the young;
- Age discrimination: Denial of employment or promotion.
Unfortunately, the ugly essence of ageism in most cases goes unnoticed, despite its ubiquitous nature. But why? It must be because many of us accept subjective opinions as the accepted norm.
«At your age!»
There are many decent people around who angrily condemn any manifestations of intolerance, but at the same time they easily make frankly ageist remarks. Of course, most often this is done not out of malice. We do not notice our bias, because we believe that we are voicing obvious truths.
It’s not so much ageism itself that’s worrying, but its consequences. According to scientists, a biased attitude towards older people has an extremely negative impact on their employment, material and social status, mental and physical health. They constantly face discrimination in the healthcare system, including the negligence of doctors and psychologists, which ultimately reduces the quality of care. The most common problems are superficial diagnosis, ineffective treatment and neglect by health workers.
For example, old people with a traumatic brain injury are treated very differently than young people. Imagine an elderly woman being beaten by an abusive husband. Regrettably, social services often turn a blind eye to such incidents, in contrast to cases of domestic violence against young women.
At interviews, applicants aged 50+ are evaluated much lower than young ones, regardless of experience and qualifications
Even the textbooks used to train future geriatricians are full of ageist statements. One study analyzed the content of geriatrics handbooks. It turns out that more than half of these publications (55%) give a sharply negative description of the cognitive abilities of older people, and about a third (32,5%) put them in a rather unattractive light. Only 12,5% of the benefits reflect a truly impartial view of aging and the thought process.
As you can guess, the illustrations in these books are also not encouraging. If the medical literature sets a bad example, it’s no surprise that there are so many ageist doctors around.
In everyday life, shameful manifestations of ageism are also very common. Admittedly, many tend to think that old people are kinder than young people, but this hardly brightens up the overall picture. A persistent image of an elderly person has developed in society: incapacitated and useless. So, at interviews, applicants aged 50+ are evaluated much lower than young ones, regardless of experience and qualifications.
«I’m old, I’m superstar»
The saddest thing is that with the approach of old age, many become supporters of ageist views and preach them themselves. If in doubt, remember what age restrictions you set for yourself? Surely at one point you thought you were too old to keep up with the young, and stopped doing something because you took it for an «indisputable fact.»
“We used to go out a lot to dance in a nightclub, but now it’s not for us. We are already old and will look funny. Ah, if only to return youth…” This is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What about others? Have you ever told someone that he or she is too old for such and such activities? Of course, with the best of intentions. “Grandpa, it’s too late for you to get involved in surfing! You’re too old!»
People for whom old age is associated with helplessness, frail health and dementia, over the years such problems overtake
But if grandfather listens to us, another self-fulfilling prophecy will come true. As soon as we unconditionally accept the so-called code of good manners for the elderly and begin to follow it, we begin to grow decrepit before our eyes. It’s not just that this confirms our own ageist beliefs: looking at us, others also strengthen their prejudices.
Ageistic remarks coming from everywhere lead to the fact that very young people begin to move more slowly — according to the «protocol». People for whom old age is associated with helplessness, frail health and dementia, over the years such problems overtake.
Intolerance towards the elderly is much more common than we think. For example, a young person can be mildly reprimanded for absent-mindedness and forgetfulness, but add a couple of decades to him — and this will be taken for clouding of reason, a characteristic sign of senile insanity. Personally, I have had such turbidity since childhood.
Is time on our side?
Meanwhile, the American Psychological Association claims that our brains do not age. This does not mean that it is not subject to age-related changes at all, but the intelligence of most older people does not correspond to the sinister myths about memory loss due to old age. So the next time you forget something, feel free to write it off as a normal human factor.
Know that gloomy thoughts about coming old age eventually become a gloomy reality. Those who take cynical allusions to the «ticking clock» to heart lose all enjoyment of life and activity. And ageist ideas about sex (for example, “an aging body is ugly”) destroy sexual desire.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you still have not dared to resist the militant ageists, it’s time to start!
Ageist standards have taken root in us: what we can and cannot do, how we should hold on and what to wear according to age
Fortunately, we are not obliged to follow age stereotypes, let alone confirm them in practice. In fact, the inexorable time works for us — contrary to social prejudices. According to a study by Stanford University, the older a person is, the higher their emotional stability scores. Over the years, we become wiser and improve in the art of enjoying life.
Ageist standards are deeply ingrained in our culture: what we can and cannot do, how we should behave, and what to wear according to age. However, we have a choice: to rethink our worldview and remind ourselves that old age is a gift not available to everyone. Those who «deserve» it win: extra time for communication, new experiences, important things and entertainment. After all, living by your own rules is much more pleasant than adapting to public opinion.
At times I think back to that meeting with the legend of the committee. I hope he is happy and at least sometimes allows himself the luxury of being himself. I want to believe that it is.
About the Author: Holly Parker is a clinical psychologist and lecturer at Harvard University, author of The Unbearable Reality: How Denial Helps and What to Do When It Hurts, If We’re Together, Why Am I So Lonely? and a number of others.