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Akemi Tanaka: «Focusing on others is important, but you cannot forget yourself»
Wellness
Many times we find it difficult to find a middle ground. We want and we give ourselves completely, we hate with fervor; We are very sorry, we make risky decisions and we sway from side to side stumbling. The search for balance it is very difficult for us. And that balance that sometimes seems so far away is what Akemi Tanaka wants to help find.
The Japanese writer and coach, based in London, publishes “Chōwa” (Kitsune Books), a book in which she exposes a philosophy: that the search for balance is the key to finding peace and, therefore, being happy. This balance, which can be applied to any level of our life (home, money, food, clothing …) also fulfills a essential role in our personal relationships. It is through finding the balance in these, through caring for our relationship with other people, the way in which we can better understand our interior.
The book, which swept the United Kingdom and is now published in the rest of the world translated into eight languages, lays the foundations so that, adopting small habits in our lives, far from our experiences but not so much for the Oriental cultureLet’s find the balance We chatted with the author during her visit to Madrid to present the book.
Why is generosity so important in our life?
In Japan you are “number two”, so when you are with someone else you always give them your full attention. Our first thought is, “Are you comfortable?” and once we are clear about it, we start to worry about ourselves. It is also very important to listen to what the other person is saying and learn to be silent. The name of the book is “Chōwa”, “Chō” means seeking and “Wa” peace, so if you understand the other person, this gives you peace. Generosity is thinking about the rest first, and that makes us feel good.
If we focus so much on others, don’t we forget ourselves?
Of course we must not forget ourselves. You are you, you are alive and you have feelings; You feel a lot, happiness and sadness… Focusing on others is important, but you cannot forget yourself. You have to find the balance.
You talk in the book about the idea of ”reading the air”, what exactly is this?
If you observe a group of Japanese people, they will surely be silent first and before someone speaks they will think a lot, because they all want to be polite. Then they “read the air”: they analyze the expression and posture of the rest so as not to make mistakes and be rude. The idea is to think before speaking. “Reading the air” means carefully observing others in order to understand them without the need for language.
How is it possible that, by listening to others, we get to know ourselves better?
If you go to Tokyo, to a work meeting, you will see that everyone is silent, and although it seems strange, in Japan it is normal. That moment of silence is important, without language, without speaking, a connection is created. If what we want is to see inside ourselves, it takes more than language, which can create a judgment about people very quickly and not always accurate.
So, apart from understanding other people better, do we get any benefit from silence?
I meditate a lot. I have a beautiful Japanese garden and in that moment of meditation, of silence, I can listen to my own breathing and I can analyze what I am thinking about. Many times things, from one day to the next, look different. Meditating is knowing yourself. If we are in a noisy environment, we cannot concentrate on how we breathe, how we think, how our posture is, how we learn to enjoy listening to the wind and the trees. Silence gives peace, it helps me to know myself and to relate to nature.
At what point in our life is it most difficult for us to find balance?
Young people have a hard time. Definitely in the twenties it is more complicated. When I was 20 years old and I was going to meditate, my thoughts always turned towards not knowing my future, my problems with my family or with my partner. You are living a critical moment. Nobody is perfect and when you are young and you fail it is harder for you to accept it.
Can we learn from the tragedy?
Of course, it gives us a lot of capacity to appreciate what we have.
Ultimately, why are others essential to find a balance within us and in our lives?
Because it is clear that you cannot do it alone. The rest of the people are very important, and therefore we must be respectful. I teach Japanese in London, and when my students travel to Japan and come back they tell me “I’ve been to a different planet.” In my country everyone is very polite, respectful of others. In the subway, for example, you don’t use the phone or eat because it’s annoying. That is why other people are important, because we reflect ourselves on the other: we show respect. And that they show it for us makes us better and have more peace.