Contents
The secret of eternal couples: Why do they last so long?
Gender
What hides behind those couples who have been together for many years and who seem to understand each other perfectly is not luck or chance, but mutual effort
You may have noticed them when they were walking down the street or when they held hands on the bus or hugged at the exit of the cinema. Or maybe you have them closer than you think: in your family or in your group of friends … Some couples have a way of talking, looking or listening to each other that is admirable. And even enviable. Both give off a sense of unity and, although there are no certainties in love, what really characterizes them, as explained by psychologist and sentimental coach, Lidia Alvarado, is that they both made a decision: love is the most important thing in their lives. And that decision is what keeps them committed to taking care of their relationship, according to the expert, regardless of the problems they have, whether at work, with their children, in the family, or due to health-related issues. or money.
But this, which seems so simple, is actually a intense taskIt is not something that “just comes out”, as they try to sell us in romantic movies. In fact, many couples forget to include in the love equation words like “effort,” “work,” or “attention.” Thus, what differentiates these unions that seem eternal from the others that do not seem so much is that the former are committed to working on your relationship and they think this is their priority.
For this they maintain, as defined by the psychologist, some “High standards” of your relationship, which imply being clear about what they will allow and what they will not allow in each of the relevant areas of their relationship: intimacy, respect, state of mind, complicity, passion, communication, appreciation, presence … It is about putting bounds, but not in the way in which (many times, in the wrong way) we usually put them in relationships, but in a way constructive. To understand it, let’s give several examples of what it would be like to maintain high standards in the relationship: “I don’t allow myself to go to bed angry with my partner”, “I don’t allow myself to withdraw love from my partner even though we have argued”, “I don’t allow myself to arguing with my partner when I am angry about work issues »,« I do not allow a disagreement about the education of our children to cloud our complicity »,« I will seek a moment of intimacy with my partner every day ».
For Lidia Alvarado these «limits» imply understanding that love is much more important than being right, but they also require bringing the appropriate emotional state to the union, taking difficulties or problems as opportunities to strengthen the couple and talking about problems when they are detected.
The habits of couples that last
To create what the psychologist calls an “extraordinary couple” it is essential to have healthy habits in common day to day because, as she indicates, “a relationship is the result of what is done most of the time and not of what is done. that is done only sometimes », he clarifies.
What they do …
- They understand from the heart, they focus on their partner and not always on oneself.
- They identify what they need (we have 4 primary emotional needs: love / connection, importance, security, and variety) and communicate it. And also what your partner needs.
- They trust each other.
- They practice intimacy on a daily basis (it is not only about sexuality), but about games, humor and complicity
- They are honest with themselves and with their partner and express their feelings, thoughts and wishes without hurting you
- They align themselves in their values about what they expect from life and from the relationship: they have a common vision and goal
- They become aware that they are an example for other important people in their life
What they don’t do …
- Be critical of everything your partner does.
- Judge the intentions of the partner when he does something that annoys or hurts them
- Throwing hints and not showing clarity when talking about feelings
- Be silent so as not to conflict and resign yourself.
- Fight for individual and not joint objectives