A letter from a reader came to the editorial office of healthy-food-near-me.com. It seems to be a typical story – after the separation of the spouses, the father ceases to be interested in the life of the common baby. But I still don’t want to put up with such an attitude. What can be done here, the psychologist explains.
“Divorced my husband a year ago. They parted by mutual agreement, not because of betrayal, but simply cooled to each other. But we have a daughter, she is 5 years old. If at first her husband visited her at least on weekends, took her to his place, now it may not appear for a month. And during telephone conversations, he is not even interested in how his child is there.
Moreover, we communicate absolutely normally, we did not part as enemies, he does not have any other serious relationship now, and I am not yet ready for something serious either. And the daughter is madly in love with him, misses, asks when dad will come. What to do in such a situation? After all, I don’t even know what to answer her, so as not to deceive children’s expectations, not to give her vain hopes. “
“Obviously, your husband is now going through a period of separation with you and is busy with his new life. If it seems to you that you broke up “normally”, it does not mean that your ex-spouse thinks the same way and communication with you does not give him pain or discomfort. After all, while the child is small, communication with her certainly implies communication with you.
Perhaps your spouse wants to minimize contact with you, as with your ex-spouse. Try to regulate the communication between father and daughter in such a way as to minimize overlap with ex-husband. And communicate with him exclusively about the daughter.
If this does not help, despite the fact that everything was done on your part to keep the father and daughter in touch, do not insist on his participation in the upbringing of the child. You are not a bailiff and you cannot force an adult to fulfill your parental responsibilities. Perhaps some time will pass, the ex-husband will overcome his internal barriers and communication will resume. But there may be another option – the ex-husband will completely disappear from the horizon, creating a new family.
Therefore, now concentrate on giving your daughter more attention, and in no case voice her concerns about the missing unfortunate father (“poor girl, dad left you”). Basically, the child’s worries about the lack of frequent communication with the father at an early age are associated with the mother’s painful attitude to this issue. Discuss your concerns with your daughter less and do not turn her life into waiting for dad. The psyche of children is flexible, and if the child receives enough love and attention from you, to see you happy, then the absence of a dad will quickly cease to bother your daughter. “