“A man earns less than me”: is it time to disperse?

Doubts often visit women who occupy the position of breadwinner in the family. And it’s not just patriarchal stereotypes. Sometimes, according to the earnings of a man, women evaluate his maturity, personal characteristics, as well as the desire for self-development and realization. However, the quality of married life is not measured only by the level of earnings of each of the partners, psychologist Lilia Levitskaya assures.

“In a couple, there are always several main factors to check compatibility. And you can start analyzing your relationship by returning to the moment of meeting, ”she says. According to the expert, it is at the stage of choosing each other that the most important failures often occur.

By love and by calculation

“It’s great when you choose a man consciously. Look at what his values ​​​​are in life and whether they coincide with yours. Moreover, it is the actions that are indicative, and not your fantasies about him or his words.

For example, Grigory told Olga during the dates that he wanted to open his own business. He has great ideas and will soon become a millionaire. However, dates usually took place on a park bench. Olga herself paid for the beer for two and listened to Grigory admiringly, dreaming of how very soon he would bring her to their own luxurious house, ”explains Levitskaya.

Did you wish for your chosen one? Also important is the social level that you and your partner had at the time of meeting. To what extent did you strengthen each other’s positions in society? What kind of environment did you and he have? And how did each of you move towards your goals?

“If you dig even deeper, when meeting, it was important to look at the spiritual component of a person, his life strategy and ability to develop. How many of you chose a man so carefully at the entrance to a relationship? But even jeans we often choose much more carefully: whether they sat on the figure, whether it is comfortable, whether the company is rare or it is consumer goods, ”the psychologist emphasizes.

Assessing the prospects

After analyzing your acquaintance, it will become easier for you to answer the question of whether you should expect financial exploits from your spouse. To understand even better, Lilia Levitskaya suggests paying attention to the following factors:

• What a man considers normal. But is it really important for him to live at a high level, or is he used to another, and it doesn’t matter to him whether his position will change?
• The ability to develop. Does he strive to increase his income, or does he start only “with a kick” from a woman?
• Communication skills. Is a man able to build meaningful relationships and adapt to circumstances, or does he go to work that he does not like, and all people annoy and offend him?
• Life strategy. Does he take a leadership position or is he always dissatisfied?
• The ability to turn dreams into reality. Does the spouse fulfill his intentions? Does he believe in himself? Ambitious? Is he able to get out of the zone of habitual discomfort?
• Beliefs. Does he have thoughts that “all the rich are bad” or is he convinced that he can achieve anything he wants?

Family Scenarios

Often women choose men based on their family scenario. If your mother did not respect dad all her life, “educated” him, pulled and inspired, then such stories will automatically repeat in your life. Check if you have become a hostage to the family scenario.

Ability to negotiate

The next step in our relationship roadmap is interaction within the couple. This is where communication comes into play.

“We are all different. Everyone lives in their own world, consisting of habits, past experiences and beliefs. For joint growth and development, it is extremely important to agree on what each of you wants to receive in a relationship and what you want to give. Disputes and dissatisfaction with the level of earnings are only a consequence. The causes of the problems lie in the interaction and lack of agreements,” notes Lilia Levitskaya.

“If you chose each other “wrongly” and did not learn how to talk, further joint development is hardly possible. Moreover, it doesn’t really matter who earns and how much, she adds. “If you have chosen correctly, and you know how to communicate, perhaps the value of a partner for you is not in money, but in something else?”

“There are no rules if there is a real live relationship,” the psychologist is sure. – If, despite the fact that you like your relationship, you are annoyed that your husband does not earn more than you, determine: is it really so important for you personally, or is it someone else’s attitude? If these are your principles, think about how to achieve what you want. And if these are other people’s beliefs, work with a psychologist to separate from public opinion.

“If your husband himself is ashamed that he earns less, then you can talk to him. To find out if this is shame imposed or his personal experience? If it’s imposed, then you should gradually get rid of it and choose to live by your own rules, but if it’s a personal experience, then it’s time to learn to earn more. After all, our emotions often show us the path that is worth going through, ”the expert sums up.