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7 questions you shouldn’t ask your child
In any case, in the form in which we usually do it. For some reason, we sometimes treat outside adults much more tactfully than with our own children.
You need to ask your child wisely. First, they learn to deceive (or, shall we say, skillfully hide the truth), barely leaving infancy. Secondly, we often believe that you can be straightforward with children, covering up with this word banal tactlessness and a complete lack of politeness. Try to ask your mother-in-law a question in the same form. How is it?
1. Where have you been? And to be honest?
The child said that he would go to visit Petya, and he himself went to the other end of the city to see what kind of skate park had opened there. So, he lied! But not necessarily: maybe he really went to Petya’s, and then plans changed. After all, the new skate park is so exciting! And with your question, you put yourself in a stupid position twice: you showed that you do not trust the child, – once, you admitted that you are following him, – two.
How to: “Hi, my dear. How was your day? I miss you terribly, chat with me, I’m interested in everything. “
2. Who is this Katya? Where did it come from?
Take it easy, mommy: a child, even if he is two inches from a pot, also has his own personal boundaries. And my heart’s secrets. And if he will at least explain to you where Katya came from, then what she means to him and whether she means anything at all, will remain an unsolved mystery.
How to: “I caught a glimpse of your new girlfriend – pretty! If you want, invite her to visit, otherwise we will never eat this mountain of grandmother’s jam in our life. “
3. What are you going to do there, at this party?
It is unlikely, of course, to play chess or recite Pushkin, although anything can happen. A children’s apartment house is the most private thing that a little person can have. Decl also sang this magical pastime in a song that has become a cult song. It clearly follows from it: it does not matter what they do there, the main thing is that the parents do not know about it. This is the whole point. However, it would be nice to be familiar with those friends of the son or daughter with whom he is going to hang out.
How to: “I hope you’re having a good time and don’t do anything stupid. If anything, call me, I’m in touch. And please try not to be late for the last bus home! “
4. Why does Olya have a five, and you have a two again?
And why does someone become an Olympic champion, while someone languishes at an unloved job all their lives? And why you still don’t have a villa in Spain, but your mother’s daughter has a friend? Each of us has different abilities and ambitions, and comparing someone with someone is not only stupid, but also tactless. Also ask why your child has not yet made a scientific discovery.
How to: “I see that something is wrong with mathematics. Dad and I can help you, maybe we can explain the theorem again? ” (It is set only if the subject is understood; in other cases, you can offer to enroll the child for an additional lesson.)
5. Why is your room a mess?
And you really want to hear a detailed account, why? Yes, life has turned out that way! Remember yourself at his age – did you really always have an army order in your room? Such a question clearly says only one thing: you are annoyed, tired and looking for someone to vent anger at.
How to: instead of a non-leading question, just ask politely to clean up. If the request does not bring anything, apply sanctions – after all, you probably have such an agreement.
Indeed, why do you need it? Or do you think that a child can buy their favorite magazines with candy wrappers? No, if your child spent his pocket money in the blink of an eye and came for a supplement, then you have every right to refuse. But say so: no, my friend, you have already chosen your limit. Learn to plan your expenses.
How to: “You have already accumulated 100 rubles! And it is not enough to offer me three ideas, where are they the most profitable to invest in? “
7. Who do you love more – mom or dad?
This is taboo. Just don’t ask that ever – and you will have a strong and happy family.
Elena Loseva, child and adolescent psychologist:
– It is not only the wording of the questions that is important, but the basic relationship between parents and children. If they are spoiled by swearing, screaming, punishment, then, no matter how you ask, the child will not tell you the truth. Therefore, first of all, work to maintain a warm, respectful and trusting relationship between you.