10 things a child shouldn’t be punished for

“I, like many psychologists, adhere to the theory that children should not be punished at all. Strongly against physical methods: spanking with a belt, standing in corners, depriving them of their favorite pastimes. I am sure that you can always negotiate with the baby. It’s just that parents often do not have the patience to explain what is good and what is bad. At the same time, no one canceled the control over the children. Permissiveness is already the other extreme. “

Our expert warns: before you make a row with a child, analyze his behavior well. If you want to raise a confident, open and happy person, never scold your son or daughter for the following things.

1. For bad grades

While parents dream of seeing only “excellent” and “good” in the diaries of their children, in reality the student’s performance may be lame. There are many reasons for this: laziness, inattention, lack of ability for a particular subject, etc.

It’s scary when a kid begins to associate parental love with school performance. Brought a deuce – an ignoramus, mediocrity, “who you were born into,” a disgrace to the family. On the contrary, I got an A – everyone pats the head. And then the student becomes dependent on the grade.

But it’s unrealistic to be the first in everything. For example, Albert Einstein had a two in French (the future scientist was not worried about this), Lev Tolstoy was not transferred to the second year due to poor grades in history and German, Anton Chekhov was also a repeater.

Expert Opinion

“The task of parents is not to raise a gold medalist, but to reveal the true talents of your child. I don’t know about success, but those who are accustomed to doing what they like from childhood, those who are not afraid to make a mistake, because they know that it can always be corrected, become happy for sure ”.

2. For interest in the outside world

“Do not touch! Do not eat! Why did she pick it up! Throw it away immediately! Don’t touch, ”- such orders are constantly given by mothers to children. They give it everywhere: at home, on the street, on the playground, in a cafe.

Expert Opinion

“You need to be calm about pranks. Your baby learns the world. This cannot be done just by observing what is happening from the side. You should definitely explain what happens if you chew on pencils. You can even show microbes under a microscope. You also need to exclude all dangerous objects from the baby’s field of vision. “

Of course, all the same, a little sneak will be able to outwit you in order to get to the treasured items. For this, you only need to scold yourself: they poorly hid their “jewels”.

3. For emotions and feelings

Anger, irritation, joy, surprise, fear, jealousy – from the very birth we experience various emotions and feelings. This is inevitable. The kid sees a beautiful doll and demands such a toy, and then cries if the parents do not fulfill the request. The child does not want to let his mother go to work, without her it becomes sad and bored. A neighbor’s boy takes away a toy, and then resentment arises, which can develop into aggression.

Expert Opinion

“Parents make the mistake of chastising their children for their emotional state. Ideally, you should teach your baby to control emotions, and for this you need to gain his trust. You must make sure that the child is not afraid to talk about his feelings. And then you have to think together how to cope with this or that situation. For example, anger can be taken out on a pillow, and a child’s sadness can be corrected by going to the zoo or a delicious cake for no reason. “

4. For poor appetite

“If you don’t eat porridge, you won’t go for a walk, you will be left without a cartoon.” Little ones often hear this from parents or kindergarten teachers. Mothers are always anxious when the child does not eat: if there is no appetite, then the baby is sick. In many Russian families there is a kind of food cult: any dinner is perceived as an event. Mom tried, stood at the stove for an hour, cooked chicken, planed salad, cooked compote, and the child with a displeased grimace pushes the plate away.

Expert Opinion

“Shouts, threats and punishments should not be forced to eat. Better figure out what are the reasons for refusing dinner. There may be several of them: the physiological characteristics of the baby, some kind of protest to attract attention, illness, tasteless food, etc. “

5. For choosing “wrong” friends

Parents love to choose buddies for their child. “Vanya is a good boy, his parents are doctors. Be friends with him. And stay away from Seryozha. ” Moms and dads, reasoning in this way, think that they are protecting their baby from bad company. In fact, overprotectiveness is unacceptable. It is a crime to punish a son or daughter for choosing the wrong people as friends.

Expert Opinion

“Your little one must make a choice with whom to play in the yard or go to school. If you interfere, you will lose the relationship of trust with your child. He can obey you in everything, but at the same time he will turn into a notorious and uncommunicative teenager who does not have his own opinion. There is another scenario: the child will break off relations not with his bully friends, but with you. “

6. For accidental misconduct

Broken vase, spilled juice on the carpet, scratched sofa, wet shoes, soiled dress – this is not a reason to swear. If you mourn things, the baby will think that they are dearer to you than he is. But this is not so! Remember that the most important thing is your child’s trust and love. After screaming and punishing, the baby loses faith in his parents.

Expert Opinion

“Think of yourself as your child’s age. Have you never been naughty? Only now your pranks have become funny stories that you are happy to share with your friends. Learn to be humorous about the antics of the little tomboy. After all, mischief and eccentricity are possible only in childhood. “

7. For past pranks

The child did a bad deed and received a just punishment. He realized everything and understood why he was wrong. This story should now be a thing of the past.

Expert Opinion

“Never reproach a child with what he once did. New pranks – new problems that you will surely overcome together. “

9. For features of appearance

Just as it is impossible to love children for something, so there is no need to punish them for their appearance and qualities that were inherited from their ancestors. You should be proud of your unsportsmanlike, slow, clumsy son or thin daughter with crooked legs, and not say: “All went to your father’s relatives.”

Expert Opinion

“Think of children as nature created them. And you will see how an energetic macho will grow from a plump bumpkin, and a real lady from an angular inch. If the parents constantly call the child names, then he has complexes that are difficult to cope with in adult life. “

10. For ignorance of the rules of conduct

All comes with experience. What seems elementary to you is a difficult task for a baby. Not the first time it turns out to tie the shoelaces, eat with a knife and fork. The child has to be reminded to wash their hands before eating, to greet their elders. Children are not robots. Sometimes you have to explain the same thing several times. And who said that raising a small person is easy and simple? Here, the main helpers are patience and time.

Expert Opinion

“When you want to punish a child, remember the famous poem by Sergei Mikhalkov, which is called“ Important advice ”. It contains the following words: “A puppy raised by a kick will not be a devoted puppy. After a rough kick, try to call a puppy! Where puppies are given kicks, there educators are hemp! “Understand that any punishment is always associated with fear. The next time the child, fearing your disapproval, will try to hide the prank. The ideal relationship between parents and children is when the baby is ready to openly confess his wrongdoing. “