Yulia Vysotskaya: “I am not ashamed to be happy”

“Now I am in London. Here we have 7 in the morning, everyone is still sleeping. Only the son woke up – but he will not interfere with us. Yes, Petenka? Close the door, please, I’ll talk a little, okay?” Two days ago, Yulia Vysotskaya was in Turin, where her husband, Andrei Mikhalkov-Konchalovsky, staged the opera Boris Godunov. But today he flies to Israel. Then – to Thailand, Los Angeles and again to London, in order to play on the stage of the Moscow Theater. Moscow City Council Sonya in the play “Uncle Vanya”. She manages the KhlebSol culinary magazine from a distance, shoots the program “We Eat at Home” abroad. And for our meeting, she also chose the appropriate method of communication – Skype. “We and the children talk on Skype every day when we fly away. It is very comfortable. The full effect of live communication.

In our conversation, the full effect did not work out: Yulia preferred to communicate without a picture. But I really heard the same voice – sincere and quiet. A dark screen is like a restriction of access to personal space. After all, every Sunday, at 9.20, it is publicly available – for seven years in a row. Her children, 11-year-old Marusya and 7-year-old Petya, are growing up before our eyes, playing, walking, doing their homework and tasting their mother’s soups and desserts in the Eat at Home program. But, having let television into her kitchen, Julia protects her family life from the show. She delicately and firmly keeps a distance between everyday life and work; between work and yourself; between themselves and the famous husband. “I always remember what Andrei Sergeevich is and what I am,” Vysotskaya calmly repeats.

Where and how do you see them in the future?

Yu. V.: I don’t know, really. I would like them to live where there is a good ecological situation and where they can realize themselves. Rather, on the contrary: first – to realize yourself. Few of us decide for ourselves where to live and work. We are limited by our capabilities – only here you can be useful, and therefore you will live only here, because you have no other choice. To be needed and “at home” in Italy, you need to own one code of communication, in France – another, in Russia – a third. And so I do everything so that they have this choice as wide as possible – so that they can find a use for themselves everywhere. And it is also important for me that they read a lot. So that they have a well-developed taste for what is good and what is bad.

We often try to give our children what we ourselves lacked in childhood …

Yu. V.: Nothing was enough for me as a child – but was it enough for you? I only spoke English at the age of 23! I was a happy child, but then no one gave me anything! At least, I got no more than any other Soviet girl who lived in a provincial military town. But you know, even there I still grew up as a person who loves to read, watch a good movie … I grew up as a disciplined person. For those who like to work, this is also important.

In an interview, you have said more than once that your mother and grandmother spoiled you, did not force you to do any work – where does such diligence come from?

Yu. V.: I was not pampered. But really, they didn’t force me to do anything – it wasn’t necessary: ​​I did everything myself. And she cleaned, and sat with her younger sister. But the real work began already at the institute, when it became clear: either you work or you drop out of the course. I was definitely driven by vanity, pride. After all, if you don’t work, then you won’t be the best at the exam, at the show. And if you’re not the best, then why even become an actor? Then I met Andrei Sergeevich – a workaholic, what else to look for. He doesn’t know how to rest at all.

What do you feel influenced your life more – work or luck?

Yu. V.: In my opinion, in order to understand this, one must live life to the end. First of all, I’m really lucky all the time – so far I’ve been lucky, at least. But on the other hand, it’s hard for me to reproach myself for not doing anything – I work as much as my health allows. And if water does not flow under a lying stone, then I am certainly not a lying stone. I have a terrible temper perfectionist too demanding of themselves and others. When someone lets me down, I get very upset – I can’t imagine that I would do the same. But it’s wrong to judge others by yourself! I try to work on myself to be less demanding. If, say, something happened that should not have happened, I first find out why it happened. And then I just throw it off myself – physically switch to something else. You know, it’s actually easy to do! Good music helps. Or you can do something nice for the kids. For example, go to a candy store and buy them something that you rarely allow. And all is well.

It seems that you always have a business that you can switch to – family worries, theater, cinema, books … And personal space, where you are alone, is there much room for it in your life?

Yu. V.: Probably twenty percent, although it is ridiculous to define it in numbers. But that’s not enough for me, of course. I really like to be alone. And I rarely allow myself to. Probably only when I run in the morning. And a couple of times a year I manage to go somewhere for a week alone to recover.

Five years ago, in an interview with Psychologies**, you said that you wanted to do meditation in order to learn how to relax, find peace … Any result?

Yu. V.: (Laughs) I really became calmer. Although I can still torture myself and those around me with my demands, I no longer regard this as my disadvantage. She stopped eating herself for her perfectionism. Regret – because you didn’t do something, did something wrong – is one of the most destructive feelings. Now I annoy myself less. And you know… I had a feeling that I definitely didn’t have five years ago – “if not now, then when?”. Here I was here for a whole month in the fall in a short skirt and shorts. I don’t remember when this happened to me in the fall? Usually boots and trousers. I myself laugh, and my husband is surprised: “What happened to you? I couldn’t get you to wear a miniskirt for so many years!” Such a good state of mind, you know, like in Madame Bovary, only in relation not to love affairs, but to life in general. Neither at twenty, nor even at thirty, I did not understand that thirty-five, forty is the most beautiful age, a real flowering. And I really like living now, very much. I stopped weighing myself, stopped paying attention to ideal forms – mine or others. Worry: “Oh, what a pity that my legs are five centimeters shorter than hers” …

They inspire her

Have you recently changed your haircut – because you have changed internally? For a long time you had a very feminine look: long hair, Grace Kelly hairstyles…

Yu. V.: I can’t say that my hairstyle somehow corresponds to the internal state. I have long wanted to cut my hair differently, but it turned out that there is more trouble with a haircut. So now I’m growing my hair out again. As for the image … I can say that by nature, I’m probably not too feminine. And my movements are rather sharp. There’s nothing you can do – genes, I’m a Cossack. Saying “baba” is probably very rude. But I am such a woman-horse. Of those who take and do.

In fifteen years, where do you see yourself?

Yu. V.: Hmm… if it’s about appearance, then I’ll probably cut my hair short. But overall, I don’t think it will change much. I want to see myself thin, fit and running. And wiser by some meditative pursuits. Although I haven’t found my teacher yet. I search and do not find. Maybe the search process is my path? Maybe I won’t be able to find it.

According to you, you have already met one teacher – your husband. Do you still consider yourself his student?

Yu. V.: You know, discipleship is a very valuable state for me. People who study all their lives are alive. They are close and understandable to me. In some ways, I can call myself a master. For example, I can make a lemon soufflé well. But this does not mean that I will perfectly prepare any soufflé. And I continue to learn a lot from Andrey Sergeevich.

What feeling are you living with?

Yu. V.: It is important for me to live with a sense of reality. Although it is not always cloudless. To feel reality means to understand that always, in any situation, everything can be “even better”, just like “even worse”. I speak French quite well, but I could well know this language better. I am satisfied with my body, but I understand that it is possible to make it even more flexible, lighter, more obedient. A sense of reality is also a sober assessment of one’s place in this world. I work in the theater, on television, and every evening I fall exhausted. But after all, my work is incomparable with what rescuers or even kindergarten teachers do – everything is much more serious there! I know my place. And at the same time, I constantly think about how happy I am – to have what I have, to be where I am now. I perfectly understand that I could have ended up in a completely different place – and it is not known whether I would have been just as happy.

You have repeatedly admitted that you are afraid not to justify the trust of your husband. Has something changed today?

Yu. V.: In my opinion, this is a completely natural feeling in relation to the person you idolize. You know, I was terribly lucky, because … My feeling, my attitude towards my husband today is just as strong, and maybe even stronger than it was 14 years ago when we met. And so far – whether at work or at home – for me there is nothing better than his praise. It doesn’t require me to be perfect. Flawless in every way. My husband often says that everything about me is nice to him, including those qualities that do not suit me myself. It is very important for a woman to know that she is accepted for who she is.

Have you ever felt like Galatea being sculpted by a great sculptor?

Yu. V.: (Thinks.) You know, all I can do is answer your questions as sincerely as possible. But in an interview it is impossible to fully tell yourself. Relationships between two people are incredibly complex. It is very important to me that we are still able to talk for hours. We are not bored talking about our relationship – that’s what’s great. Although I have this feeling – “everything is so good that it’s even scary.”

What do you believe in?

Yu. V.: Complex issue. I believe in life. I believe in love, in relationships between two people. I believe that together they can build something beautiful. And if we talk about faith in the sense of religion, I probably would like to believe more firmly. I think it would make life easier.

** Psychologies № 5, May 2006.