What are the expectations associated with going to a psychologist? Typically, the therapist appears as a wizard with a bunch of keys, a blue helicopter, and a variety of tech life jackets. However, as long as we are looking for the key to our own life in someone else’s pocket, we will not open the door to long-awaited happiness.
While you wait patiently for someone to do something, after which everything will somehow miraculously work out, disappointments will repeat again and again.
The main goal of a psychologist is to become, perhaps, the first «warm adult» who will help gain confidence and strength, determination and will. Look at your life in an adult way — without childish resentment and expectations. Without excuses and other people’s suggestions. To honestly, consciously, sincerely answer the key questions of life: who am I? What do I want? How and when do I want? How can I give it to myself?
You still have to take the first step on your own. Admit it to yourself and you will be halfway closer to your desired goal. I offer you 12 steps of self-therapy — an algorithm that will help you «recover yourself.»
1. What test are we from?
Environment, culture, mentality, our family are all ingredients of our life. Sometimes the composition needs to be read, remembered. Take a larger piece of paper, put a dot in the center and start drawing your tree: tribal habits, character, illnesses, relationships between relatives, ways of their self-realization. Having collected all the data together, you will see similar fates, fatal deeds, common features. For many, this “layout” can be a serious clue.
2. Always — «yes!»
Having realized the features of the family tree, the attitudes invested by the “seniors”, you will be able to understand how much the “no” and “yes” said by relatives corresponded to your inner convictions, corresponded to true desires. You’ve grown up — that’s great news. Now «children’s» dreams and desires can come true — it is enough to make an effort.
Start a special «diary of desires», fix all requests and fantasies in it. Even the most daring or «frivolous». Allow yourself to live — there will be no second chance. Maximum realization and satisfaction with life often goes hand in hand with the most contradictory, opposite qualities. For example, a childish love for a trampoline and building a PR strategy, a passion for giving gifts and the ability to save money wisely.
3. «General cleaning»
We regularly sort out wardrobes, recycle old things, but from year to year we drag along an environment that has long outgrown. Take courage and appreciate those around you. How much joy does this relationship bring you, how much development, how much resource?
How often do you hush up your true feelings next to them, suppress the desire to be yourself, smooth the corners and always feel like some kind of “not like that”? The problem of modern people is not in gadgets, the economic crisis and the lack of likes. It is much more important that we do not know how to make a choice, put an end to it, give up small things for the sake of the true freedom of our “I”.
4. Accepting yourself — daily and completely
Do you like to look in the mirror? Catching your own reflection with a satisfied look? It’s time to study. Recognize your folds, wrinkles, curves — fall in love with them or decide to visit the gym, dance, beauty salon. Enter into the daily «ration» any physical activity, proportionally reduce sugar intake.
You can bargain with yourself for one morning candy or a piece of cake, but this prank must be justified by an additional walk around the house. Deep respect for oneself begins with objective external actions, steps and manifestations.
5. You are you
Get yourself a special piggy bank. For each comparison of yourself with someone, send a comfortable amount into it — enough to remember, but not go into the red. Believe me, this is an effective way to fight off the imposed desire not to be yourself. Funds raised can be donated to charitable causes.
6. Time for yourself
One and a half hours a day. More is possible, less is not. It does not matter what you will do with this time: drawing, dancing, lectures, books, favorite films. Most importantly, it must be yours. Spend it alone with yourself — learn to give yourself what you want and consciously enjoy freedom. This is the main principle of happiness.
7. «The habit from above is given to us!»
We get used to living in a rut. Convenient solutions, familiar dishes, trusted establishments. For laziness, called the illusion of security, we pay with excitement, novelty and freedom. Every day, let something new into your life: vivid images, unread books, atmospheric cafes, fusion dishes, creative ideas. New selves.
Change fragrances, colors, hair length — whatever you want. Remove dreary motifs from the playlist, take off the usual gray cocoon dresses. Transformation inside is necessarily accompanied by external changes. Color therapy, aromatherapy, music therapy — simple and affordable magic that can charge your battery 100% in a couple of hours.
8. Shall we reflect?
In the desire to become a part of something big, strong, we sometimes forget that inside we are not initially alone. In each of us live bright, interesting, controversial personalities of different ages. By recognizing them and getting to know each of your “subpersonalities”, you will learn to recognize the cause of mood swings, independently steer out of the abyss of emotions and a flurry of passions.
You will always understand who is the “first violin” at this moment. Your offended childish part, the parental «critic», a tired adult, or a couple of other authorities. The ability to ask yourself simple questions about the origin of fears, the causes of tears, resentments, doubts and anxieties is a great achievement on the path to freedom.
9. The art of love
If there were no warm relations in the family, if you grew up in an atmosphere of coldness and anxiety, control and criticism, then love is an incomprehensible quantity for you. It is possible and necessary to learn to love, to understand, to enter into a position. Do not isolate yourself at the first conflict, but do not take all the blame on yourself. Not to sacrifice yourself, but also to be able to compromise, even give up something for the sake of your loved ones — this is an art, the price of which is happiness.
We regulate our own lives. That is why «late» or «early» is a human illusion created for self-restraint.
10. Big Mistakes, Big Achievements
The magic of big numbers always works. How many great discoveries started with great mistakes. We don’t know the future! But we selflessly give up our present feeling of guilt for the past. Release yourself. Say «Enough!»
One day, take courage and write down on a sheet all those mistakes, actions, your own laws that you (as you think) have violated. Now give yourself an amnesty. Write an indulgence. Open the cage and boldly take a step.
11. Time came up with … man!
Seconds, hours, years… Who created them? Who measured the length? Man invented the calendar, it was his mind that created the periods and stages. We regulate our own lives. That is why «late» or «early» is a human illusion created for self-restraint.
The history of ups and downs knows no time. Talent has no expiration date. Realizing this, feel free to throw out your favorite excuses — get your favorite “inappropriate” clothes, open your own business, fall in love again, go dancing. Live forever young because that’s what it is.
12. Youth comes with experience
Yes, psychology is an incredibly young science. Over the past century, we have made a huge leap to become closer to ourselves and to each other. Who helped humanity before the psi-epoch? Religion, philosophy, art, music, dance, painting, travel — they became a support for many.
The birth of psychology does not at all cancel the principles of the rebirth of the soul. Contemplate the beautiful, realize the true state of things, accept your own possibilities. Life is for happiness. It starts now, so power yourself up to the fullest.
Baie goed beskryf, insiggewend en leersaam.