Your man often mentions the former: what does this say?

“Mom, he constantly mentions how good his ex-wife was!” “Start telling him how great your next husband will be, daughter!”

A good old joke helps to treat the problem with humor. However, in life, everything is far from being so easy and fun. Four women share their stories, and an expert helps unravel the mysteries of male psychology.

1.Unfinished

“I met a man on Tinder, we had a pleasant correspondence and decided to meet. In the correspondence, he mentioned that I was divorced, and so was I, so nothing bothered me. For the rest, they discussed films, books – the beginning seemed promising.

But at a meeting in a cafe, from the first minutes he began to talk about his ex, about divorce, about children, and an hour later I found that I was already giving him advice on how to improve relations … It was the strangest date in my life!

2.Grievances

“Former he always remembered with disdain and hostility. He didn’t say anything about their actions, but whenever someone’s name came up or a past relationship was mentioned, he made such a contemptuous face and found such a word that it seemed to me that he was a misogynist in general.

It made me think – is it worth messing with such a person. But at the same time, he treated me differently. I never understood what it was. Maybe he remembers me with such an expression now: our relationship did not work out in the end, he was a very difficult person. Maybe they rejected him.”

3.Manipulation

“When we met, he started telling me about his exes. Somehow it sounded like he was downright a victim of evil bitches who vilely used him and betrayed noble feelings. I then wondered why he chose such women for himself.

And then we began to meet and live together. And suddenly the nature of his memories of the former has changed dramatically. Now it periodically sounded that one cooked excellently (when it turned out that I was not a fan of standing at the stove), and on the other they had drop dead sex (when I refused BDSM games). He even showed a photo of one of them, saying what kind of women’s hairstyles he liked (when I ended up growing my hair). It kind of offended me, and then it just pissed me off.”

4. Part of the past

“In the beginning, I quite often heard from him mentions of an ex-girlfriend with whom he lived for three years. “Tanya and I” flashed when he talked about some adventures, travels, or just stories from life.

Every time I shuddered and got nervous – it seemed to me that this could indicate that she “lives” in his head, he did not completely part with her and did not forget. Our relationship was just beginning, each had its own negative and positive experiences. Mine made me feel insecure and worry about his every “Tanya and I.”

But as time passed, our relationship became closer. We lived and made our stories. And somehow, naturally, he completely stopped mentioning her. This is probably normal – after all, she once occupied an important part of his life, how to “cut” her from history?

“Shifting the role of a psychotherapist to a new partner is at least not delicate”

Gurgen Khachaturian, psychotherapist

All four stories are definitely about the same thing. Situations in which people enter into new relationships in order to forget the previous ones are very common. The outcome is always the same. The new, which could potentially become something big and meaningful in life, becomes a continuation of the old, with the same mistakes and, unfortunately, with a predictable outcome. So, if for some reason the relationship did not work out, pause, reflect on your emotions and, if possible, try to analyze what in your actions led to the fact that everything worked out, how it happened.

Maybe an understanding will come that this was not your person, and then you can think about who could become “yours”. Here, look for him. And to shift the role of a psychotherapist to a new partner, at least, is not delicate.

There are other cases that are not mentioned in this article, such as when young people talk about how heartthrobs they are and how many romantic stories they had. Let’s not forget that many of us come from the past, from there a program is sewn into us that, if there is a queue, we must take it – most likely, there is something worthwhile.

This program is outdated, now everyone understands that a person who has many relationships in his luggage is most likely immature and not ready for a full-fledged partnership. And, probably, he just boasts and fills his own worth, which in itself is a rather sad foundation for a new relationship.