Your libido is falling? Here are the culprits

Once upon a time, the fact that a woman does not want to make love did not surprise anyone. Until quite recently, she was not expected to have fun in the bedroom – the joy of sex was the domain of men. Today the situation is completely different: the world of medicine and morals have recognized the fact that libido, appetite for sex and satisfaction with intercourse are completely equal and apply to both sexes. But this, in turn, raises a new problem: it used to be a cause for concern when he lost the urge to have sex. Today, when you do not want to love her, you have to worry too … And you really have to: because when such a situation is prolonged, because one of the partners does not want to make love, it may even result in the breakdown of the relationship.

Why is our libido dying? When such a question is asked, we begin to look for deep and weighty causes. Meanwhile, one should start with … tiredness. Sexologists warn: the brain is the most erogenous organ, regardless of gender. And when one thought of “sleep!” Dominates the mind, it is hardly surprising that we do not think of sex – even for both genders. This is how nature has arranged it: when our energy reserves are depleted, we do not think about procreation, but about rebuilding our energy potential. In the case of overworking the libido, he is one of the first to protest. This is so typical of our fast-paced, hectic times that sexologists have declared fatigue the number one enemy of a successful relationship. The funniest (or maybe the most tragic?) Is that sex life has somehow isolated itself from other activities. This applies mainly to men: they do not see the connection between the fact that they spend their energy very intensively in the professional field, so that there is no longer enough of it for eroticism. It seems to them that even if they worked like oxen, you should be fit in bed anyway – otherwise they start to worry. Fortunately, the solution is as simple as the reason: you just need to rest. Get a good night’s sleep, laze around. The appetite for sex will come back on its own.

Hard to believe that something so everyday can wreak havoc on your bedroom? And yet! It is easy to understand when we look at our body’s response to tension. When we get stressed, our body triggers a “fight or flight” response. One of the leading strategies of this solution is to direct blood where it may be most needed, e.g. to the muscles, and to reduce its flow to areas that are temporarily out of importance, e.g. the gastrointestinal tract. The sexual organs are another area with less blood supply under stress. Firstly, because in times of stress, the body does not “plan” to use them. Secondly, it tries to protect them. There is nothing more important than procreation, so the sexual organs cannot be injured during a fight or flight. Therefore, it is advisable to… shrink them so that they are less exposed to injuries. And how is it surprising that the penis does not want to proudly erect? And, as in the case of fatigue, it is often enough to simply relax, evaporate after a hard day, relax – for the libido to raise its head again. But stress is not always so easy to deal with. Sometimes the advice “take an aromatic bath or get yourself something nice” doesn’t help. Why? because the sources of stress can go deeper. Example? Women who are stressed out, overworked and invested in their careers. For such a woman, pregnancy and motherhood would be a serious obstacle on the way to the tops, throwing her out of the professional race. Such a woman is then stressed by several things at once: on the one hand, work, on the other, she is afraid of pregnancy … The life complications themselves … Her mind is busy with something else, not sex. Then it would be good to look for the causes of the lack of desire with the help of a therapist.

We used to associate the word “hormones” with women – they go through a hormone storm every month. Meanwhile, hormonal disorders also happen to men. And they are sometimes the reason why life in the bedroom weakens and even dies. For what is responsible for male desire? The main male hormone, testosterone. It is him – and directly – that causes a man to have an appetite for sex, that he looks at every woman as a possible prey and that he would like to go to bed with each of them. The highest level of testosterone circulates in the blood of young men in their twenties. Then they are also the most “hungry” for sex. The further you go, the lower your hormone levels. After the age of thirty, it begins to fall, but still imperceptibly – but even then a man wants to make love twice, not eight times in one night. After forty, it is enough for him once, and after fifty – once or twice a week … This is the decreasing testosterone level that makes itself felt. And while men do not experience the equivalent of female menopause, when sex hormones completely disappear from their bloodstream, they do go through andropause, which slowly worsens, causing testosterone levels to drop significantly and a decline (and sometimes decline) in sexual interest. What’s the advice? On the one hand, it is good to appreciate the fact that although we love each other less often, we love each other longer and more consciously, and sex is not based on pure desire, but on bonds and closeness. But on the other hand, bond and closeness won’t help when the appetite for sex is completely gone. Then testosterone supplementation can help. It is offered to men over fifty. Testosterone comes in a variety of forms: pills, patches, gels, and even depo-injections, given once every few months and absorbed by the body over an extended period of time. Medicine believes that injections are the most effective.

Female hormones can also mess with desire. In women, libido is controlled in two ways: on the one hand, by testosterone circulating in the female blood in a small amount, and on the other – by estrogen, the main female hormone. It reigns supreme in the first phase of the cycle, reaching its peak of activity in the middle of the ovulation phase. In older women, after the menopause, estrogen disappears because the ovaries stop producing it. The body “closes its fertility store.” With the disappearance of estrogen, libido also disappears or significantly decreases. The solution is HRT, a hormone replacement therapy that supplements female hormones. It also happens that the libido suffers from taking birth control pills. Synthetic estrogens displace natural estrogens from the bloodstream, perfectly mimicking their action and “deceiving” the ovaries that their activity is at the required level. This blocks ovulation and therefore prevents pregnancy – but as a side effect it often results in a significant decrease in sexual appetite. What’s the way to do that? You should talk to the gynecologist about changing the pill (if the decrease in libido lasts more than three months, it is normal at the beginning of contraception). As a rule, choosing a pill with a different composition or dose of hormones solves the problem.

According to statistics, problems with sex plague as much as 70 percent. people suffering from depression, both women and men. It even happens that the patient goes to the sexologist complaining about the loss of libido, and the sexologist sends him to … a psychiatrist! A decrease in libido is often one of the first signs of depression. The psychiatrist begins treatment, including antidepressants, which effectively – albeit only after some time – improve the patient’s mood. However, he observes with concern that … libido is not coming back. This is because drugs used to treat depression, such as paxil or zoloft, in more than 60 percent. patients taking them cause less appetite for sex. Lowered libido is also accompanied by difficulties in achieving orgasm. American research has shown that out of 6 of men treated with antidepressants, as many as two-thirds had sexual disorders: lower craving and problems with achieving satisfaction from intercourse. Problems also occur in women: under the influence of antidepressants, they have problems with achieving arousal in general, their interest in sex clearly decreases, problems with vaginal lubrication and an inability to achieve orgasm appear. So is it necessary to stop treatment? Fortunately not. Usually, after 2-3 months of treatment, the situation returns to normal, because the patient’s body begins to adapt to the drug and tolerate its effects, thanks to which the quality of sexual life improves. This is the case with approx. 30 percent. patients. Sometimes you have to wait six months. Women are more patient in this matter. However, it is worth discussing this with your doctor, because sometimes it is a good idea to switch to one that has side effects in a different area, but does not affect your sex life.

Nowadays, when the fashion for quick sex and one-time adventures has probably hit every thatched roof, we forget about one important thing: to want sex, you need a partner … desire. So simple, and so difficult … Because, as it turns out, people in long-term relationships stop feeling physically attracted to the person they live with. Not because they got bored with it – although it happens anyway, if the first feeling has burned out between people and they were unable to take care of closeness and intimacy on a daily basis. Often the cause of the loss of desire is resentment and hurts that have built up over the years. They are both conscious and unconscious – it seems to us that we have forgiven this and that, that everything is back to normal, but somehow we are not in a hurry to go to bed with our partner. Emotional resentments, faults and past events can very effectively ruin your erotic life. The best solution will then be to visit a therapist – it may be a psychologist or a sexologist-psychologist. It is important that the couple come to therapy, because the problems in the bedroom are never just one side.