Your child is an introvert: seven signs

As an introverted child, I lived partly in suburban Minnesota and partly in my imagination. I liked spending whole days alone, writing books on cardboard paper and daydreaming. As a teenager, I had wonderful company, I loved my friends, but I could not spend much time with them — it exhausted me terribly. And friends did not need to retire at all in order to relax and recover.

I then thought that they were “normal” and I needed to become the same. Later I learned that there is a special word for people like me — introvert. By definition, introverts quickly wear down social interactions and need more time to shut down and be dumb. Most importantly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert.

It is not a disease or disorder. In fact, there are quite a lot of such quiet people in the world — from 30 to 50%! I will remain an introvert forever, this is my nature. Yes, we can grow and develop as individuals; we can get out of our comfort zone, develop new skills, or learn to look at life differently. But our temperament (introverted or extroverted) is innate.

According to Dr. Marty Olsen Laney in The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child, babies begin to show signs of introversion or extroversion at about four months of age—and then, as they mature, they tend to stay true to their nature. In general, a humpbacked grave will fix it. So what are introverts like as children? No two people are the same, but all these children share the following seven characteristics to some extent.

7 characteristics of introverted children

1. They have a bright inner world.

They usually rely on themselves, their resources, and do not turn to other people every now and then for support and advice. “In their hidden garden, away from the material world, they are absorbed in studying and unraveling our complex and confusing thoughts and feelings,” writes Laney.

Introverted children love imaginative, imaginative play, but they prefer to play alone or with only one or two buddies. They often spend time in their room behind closed doors, reading, painting or playing computer games.

Unfortunately, a rich inner world is a double-edged sword because it can increase their sense of isolation and alienation from others. The task of parents is to help them see dignity and a source of strength in their temperament.

2. They show interest in the deeper and more complex aspects of life.

Introverted children are not afraid of substantive questions. They want to know why something is the way it is, or what it means on a deeper level. Surprisingly, even at an early age, many of them can look at themselves from the outside and think about their own behavior. Often introverted children want to understand themselves, everything and everyone around them. They may wonder what makes this person act this way and not otherwise? What drives them?

3. First observe, then act.

As a rule, they prefer to follow the game or activity before joining. They enter new situations hesitantly and cautiously, refraining from action. But houses become more energetic and talkative because they feel more comfortable there.

4. They make decisions based on their own values.

Their thoughts and feelings close them in on themselves, so they make decisions based on internal criteria, and not following the crowd. This can be an extremely positive quality because it makes them less vulnerable to peer pressure. They do nothing to adapt to them and fit into the team.

5. It will take time to really get to know them.

Like adult introverts, children are slow to get used to strangers. At the first meeting, they behave quietly and restrained, and as they get used to, they become more lively, liberated. Often their goal in communicating with someone is to better understand the inner world of the interlocutor or their own. They appreciate the moment of genuine togetherness, dialogue and are really able to understand someone on a deeper level.

Like adult introverts, children tend to listen carefully and memorize what the other person says. They speak in a low, soft voice, sometimes pausing to find words and falling silent if they are interrupted. They may look away when they speak to collect their thoughts, but make eye contact when they listen.

6. They find it difficult to find their place in the team.

Over the years the values ​​of our society have changed and extroversion has become the ideal. We celebrate self-assertion, group fit, and outward accomplishment over quiet reflection, solitude, and thoughtful decision-making. Unfortunately, these standards of sociability and assertiveness have long been part of the educational system.

At a younger age, children spend time in kindergarten groups. Then for many years they find themselves attached to the school, where, surrounded by 30 children, they also participate daily in various group activities. This is a difficult task for introverts, who feel better at home in their early years, and adapt more easily to the team at an older age.

7. They communicate differently than extroverts.

One or two close friends are enough for them, and everyone else is called acquaintances. Introverts seek depth in relationships, not breadth. They won’t spend as much time socializing as extroverts and will rather quickly say goodbye and leave to recuperate somewhere private. Their social energy is limited. Too tight and prolonged communication can lead to tears, breakdowns and a bad mood.

What about extrovert kids?

Here are some general characteristics from Laney’s book. Extraverted children may:

• Speak quickly, in a tongue twister and in a loud voice, especially if you are nervous
• Change the subject often
• Capable of appearing to be experts on a subject they are not well versed in
• Stand very close to the person they are talking to
• interrupt the conversation
• Turn away while listening to another
• Make expressive movements with hands or body during a conversation, reinforcing words with facial expressions and gestures
• Don’t hide boredom and disconnect if the conversation goes on too long
• Treat most people you know as friends
• Dive quickly into a new situation
• Feel a surge of energy after mass events
• Feel unhappy spending too much time alone

Are you raising an introverted child? The best thing you can do for him is respect his temperament. Help him understand why he feels tired and irritated after talking. Explain that there is nothing wrong with the need to spend time alone with yourself. And above all, never let him think that there is something wrong with him.

When we accept introverted children for who they are, we give them the confidence they need to fully express themselves in the world.

Source: psychologytoday.com