The imaginary friend often appears around the child’s 3/4 years and becomes omnipresent in his daily life. It would disappear as naturally as it was born and psychologists agree that it is a “normal” stage in the psychoaffective development of the child.
To know The intensity and duration of the relationship with the imaginary friend varies greatly from child to child. According to statistics, one in three children will not experience this kind of imaginary relationship. In most cases, the imaginary friend gradually disappears, to make way for real friends, when the child begins to attend kindergarten. |
Who is he really?
Imagination, delirium, mystical presence, adults find it difficult to remain rational in the face of this disconcerting episode. Adults do not necessarily have direct access to this “imaginary friend”, hence their concern in the face of this surprising and often confusing relationship. And the child says nothing, or little.
Thanks to it, your child can at leisure replace moments of frustration with invented moments, a mirror in a way, on which their identifications, expectations and fears will be expressed. He speaks to him aloud or in a whisper, reassures himself that he can share his emotions with him.
Testimonials
A mother in the forums of the dejagrand.com site:
“… My son had an imaginary friend when he was 4 years old, he spoke to him, walked him everywhere, he had become almost a new member of the family !! At that time my boy was an only child, and living in the countryside he did not have, except at school, no boyfriend to play. I think he had a certain lack, because from the day we went on a camping vacation, where he found himself with other children, his boyfriend disappeared and when we got home he got to know her. a little neighbor and there we never heard from his imaginary friend again…. “
Another mother testifies in the same direction:
“… An imaginary friend is not something to worry about in itself, many children have them, rather it shows a developed imagination. The fact that she suddenly no longer wants to play with other children seems more worrying, this imaginary friend must not take up all the space. Trying to talk about it with her, doesn’t that friend you don’t see yourself also want to play with other children? Pay attention to his answers… ”
Normal for professionals
According to them, it is a “double self”, allowing young children to project their desires and concerns. Psychologists speak of “a function in the psychic development of the child”.
So don’t panic, your toddler needs a friend of his own, and to be able to use him as he sees fit.
In fact, this imaginary friend appears at a stage of development when the child has a rich and flourishing imaginary life. Scenarios and invented stories abound.
The creation of this inner world has a reassuring function of course, but can also be a response to anxieties or a reality not so funny as that.
Under surveillance anyway
A child in pain, too socially alone or feeling excluded, may have to invent one or more imaginary friends. He has total control over these pseudos friends, making them disappear or reappear at will.
He will project on them his worries, his fears and his secrets. Nothing really alarming, but stay vigilant all the same!
If a child is too withdrawn into the exclusivity of this relationship, it can become pathological if it lasts over time and hinders him in his other possibilities to befriend. It will then be necessary to consult an early childhood specialist to unravel what is playing out behind this staging of a certain anxiety about reality.
Adopt a positive reaction
Tell yourself that this should not worry you too much, and that it is a way for your child to feel better in this unique moment that he is going through.
Keep it simple, without ignoring or praising their behavior. It is important to find the right distance, by taking a brief look at it.
In fact, letting him talk about this “friend” is letting him talk about himself, and this can only be beneficial to know a little more about his hidden emotions, about his feelings, in short, his intimacy.
Hence the importance of knowing how to balance your interest in this virtual world, without being too intrusive.
Between the real and the virtual
On the other hand, we must not get into a perverse game which would imply that the limit between the true or the false no longer exists. Children of this age need solid benchmarks and to understand through adults what is real.
Hence the importance of not addressing the friend in question directly. You can even tell him that you don’t see this friend and that it is his desire to have a personal space, a “friend”, that makes him believe that he exists.
No need to argue or punish your child because he firmly supports his existence. Remind him that he is doing this wrong and that in a while he won’t need it anymore. Usually, the virtual friend disappears as quickly as he arrived.
In the end, it is a normal passage, (but not obligatory), which can be rather positive for the child if it remains punctual and not alienating.
These pseudo friends are the personal trace of a rich inner life and even though adults don’t have virtual friends, they still sometimes like to have their secret garden, just like the little ones.
To consult:
Movies
“Kelly-Anne’s Secret”, 2006 (children’s film)
“Trouble jeu” 2005 (adult film)
“Sixth Sense” 2000 (adult film)
Books
“The child among the others, to build oneself in the social bond”
Milan, A. Beaumatin and C. Laterrasse
“” Talk to your children ”
Odile Jacob, Dr Antoine Alaméda