At birth, the bond between mother and child is often the first to be established. As you grow older, your attachment to the mother may be slightly confirmed or weakened. How is this phenomenon explained? How to deal with the child who has a favorite parent? The point to understand.

It is most often between 2 and 5 or 6 years that this preference is noticed on a daily basis. The child then prefers one of the two parents continuously or intermittently. This can be explained in the first place by a particular affinity with one of the parents who generally offers him games and activities that he appreciates and gives him the feeling of being understood. But also because this same adult spends time with him and acts with gentleness and affection, while the other takes pleasure in a more authoritarian and therefore more rigid role.

It also happens that a preferred parent appears during a divorce and / or shared custody. With the separation of the parents, the educational and emotional roles are turned upside down and the child can become more attached to the one he will only see for his leisure and the pleasant activities that will be offered to him. Depending on the context, he may also have a feeling of rejection towards the parent whom he sees little and detach himself from it more or less voluntarily.

It is very difficult to go through this kind of situation for the rejected parent, but also for the preferred parent. The first will feel excluded from the child’s life, but the second, he can very quickly become exhausted by the eternal demands of the little one. He may also feel guilty about the rejected parent. It is therefore advisable to react without too much delay and not hesitate to discuss it within the couple. The risk with this kind of behavior of your child is to create a rivalry and a resentment towards his spouse who however has nothing to do with it. The first step is therefore to communicate.

If the former applies to you, don’t be convinced that you are a bad parent. On the contrary, you have to roll up your sleeves and do everything to change the child’s feelings:

• Spend time with him and offer him enjoyable activities that will enrich your bond. Choose games during which the child will learn to trust you and find moments of shared laughter and joy;
• Do not be afraid to tell him that you love him and to prove it to him by gestures of tenderness and affection. If he pushes you away, don’t scold him and, on the contrary, tell him that it’s okay and that you love him no matter what;
• Then redefine the functioning of the couple concerning the questions of the education of the children. It is important that everyone plays a role that is both loving and at the same time rigid when it comes to the rules of the house. Don’t play the nice and the bad parent. In addition, the “preferred” must help the “rejected” to take back his place. By explaining to the little one that mum and dad love him as much as the other and that both will always be there for him, he reintroduces his spouse as a person of value to the child;
• The roles of each parent should not be too rigid. By alternating routines and rituals, the little one gets used to being pampered by both. The story at bedtime, bathing, dressing should be done alternately by mom and dad. If the child asks for one or the other, you must not give in to it. He must learn not to choose which parent will take care of him and to create a bond with each of them;
• Finally, give yourself time and don’t give up. The child will need to relearn how to discover you and make good memories with you, so it will take you a few days or weeks to upset the order he has established. Multiply the moments of sharing with him, but without losing your educational model. Indeed, it is not a question of pleasing him at all costs, at the risk of sacrificing his education.

For his good development and his blossoming, the child needs, at the same time a solid education and sometimes rigid limits, but also a lot of love and tenderness on the part of his parents. To avoid experiencing a heartbreak and being repelled by your little one, it is important to find the right balance between firmness and complicity.