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– Some will think that I am crazy, but I can see that cancer, although it is physically destroying me from the inside, has given me a lot. Today I can say that he changed me – says Ewelina Półkoszek, who is struggling with colon cancer, although she is only 31 years old. Before discovering the other side of the disease, she fought a hard fight. – I felt death behind my back. In the end, I told my husband how I wanted to be buried – she admitted. Get to know its history and the way to be happy despite the adversities.
- Colorectal cancer is the second most common cancer in Poland. Every year, several thousand people learn about the disease
- Ewelina counts her disease from the day of surgery, from September 2, 2020. Then her lesions were removed along with a margin, but chemotherapy began
- From the moment she was diagnosed, Ewelina had a hard fight with herself. – The thoughts dominated that I would not be able to cope, that the end was near – he says
- Today, completely different words fall from her lips: cancer, although it is physically destroying me from the inside, has given me a lot, it has changed me. How did this come about?
- More touching stories can be found on the Onet homepage
Monika Mikołajska listened to it
The doctor didn’t tell me about the suspicions
It all started in May 2019. I was 29 years old and I had the first operation in my life – a benign tumor of the abdominal muscle was removed (I had fibromatosis). After the surgery, I had regular check-ups – abdominal ultrasound, computed tomography, kidneys and intestines were checked. There was no problem.
However, my stomach started to ache, the pains were getting stronger, they attacked me more and more often. Fecal occult blood tests showed nothing, nor did morphological tests. Nothing indicated the development of cancer, and certainly not the intestines – before the first operation I had a colonoscopy, everything was fine. And yet the pains were getting worse, I started vomiting black. My husband had to take me to the Emergency Room. In the hospital, a young doctor took care of me. In two weeks I was due to see him for colonoscopy and gastroscopy.
The colonoscopy is not scary or even painful, but then I felt a shooting pain during the examination. I started screaming at the doctor to stop. Then I heard from him: “no, Mrs. Ewelina, if I do not finish this, you will keep coming back to us”. Today I know that in this way he saved my life. The pain was a signal that the doctor had approached the tumor – but then he did not tell me about his suspicions, it rather suggested some kind of inflammation. The intestine samples were sent for analysis, and I returned home. Unfortunately for a short time.
- Colon cancer symptoms – how do you recognize them?
During the night he was in great pain again, black vomiting and convulsions started – it ended with a visit to the Emergency Room again. I was given morphine, sedatives, a drip, and in the morning I just went home.
Then my husband and friend’s patience ran out. They arranged for me to visit a specialist in Warsaw, who he immediately said: “whatever it is, it must be removed.” I got an operation date in a week. Luckily. If the whole situation had lasted longer, I would have been at risk of serious complications and even death. As my friend said later, someone was watching over me. Especially since in the meantime the results of the examination of my intestine section came back.
The results were clear – it’s colon cancer
The diagnosis was given by the doctor who had previously done my colonoscopy. I remember we met on the hospital stairs and I asked about the results. He didn’t want to talk to me in a place like this, but I insisted. The results left no room for doubt – it was colorectal cancer. He was diagnosed two years after I had my colonoscopy.
At first, nothing hit me. When I heard about cancer, I just started laughing. But I also remember the doctor’s words: «There is going to be an operation, there are treatments. You will sooner die of a heart attack than this cancer ”. I am very glad that I found such an empathetic and determined specialist. I am very grateful to him for everything.
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The realization that I had a cancer inside me came in the hospital parking lot. As I sat in the car, tears spilled out. The first thing I did was call my husband and tell him everything. When I got home, my relatives were waiting for me there. There were parents, sisters, nephews. I hugged my dad, who was standing closest to me. Emotions raged. There was crying, anger, I asked why I, what was wrong with me, to go through something like this. My father, who had cancer himself, told me to pull myself together, not give up and move on. The more so that I had an operation soon.
The doctor in Warsaw already knew the diagnosis. He told me not to worry that he would take care of everything: “we will remove and act”. It was already the time of the COVID-19 pandemic, I had to go to the hospital alone and endure it all myself. I had the operation on Wednesday, September 2, 2020. From that day, I count the beginning of my disease.
The doctor said: “Everything is recoverable”. I will not forget these words
During the operation, 18 cm of the large intestine, 10 cm of the small intestine, part of the appendix, and several lymph nodes occupied by cancer were removed. The operation itself was not terrible, the time after it turned out to be much worse. The fluid I was supposed to drink before the bowel cleansing surgery caused an obstruction because the bowel lumen was mostly occupied by the tumor. Doctors found out about it only during the operation. When they opened me, the fluid poured out into my peritoneum. I vomited black for the next five days, additional tests were necessary. I ate my first meal four days after the operation. I left the hospital on Tuesday, eight days after my admission.
In the early stages, colon cancer develops without symptoms. That is why regular preventive examinations are so important. One of them is the M2PK mail-order study – diagnostics of colorectal cancer, available on Medonet Market. It is recommended to do them once a year.
The doctor who operated on me immediately warned me that despite cutting out all the lesions and the margins, I would be taking chemotherapy. Two weeks after the surgery, I go to Dr. Jaskóła. My first chemotherapy was in October, and since then I go to the hospital for it every two weeks. For the three days that I spend there, I am given infusions. I will never forget the words I heard from Dr. Jaskóła at the beginning. “Everything is curable,” she said. She was another person who gave me hope. This is great happiness. I know that some with a disease like mine have heard from doctors straight out that there is no hope.
We, the sick, mainly keep in mind what the doctor says. If I hear from him that I have only two years to live, I code in my head that in these two years I will no longer be in the world. If a person is not mentally strong and does not adjust himself, he is not able to overcome the barrier that arises after hearing something like this. I am the mother of a wonderful five-year-old Amelka. It makes me even more reluctant and still relive my illness.
I felt death behind my back
I am not really afraid of death, nor am I afraid to talk about it. Man closes his eyes and he is simply gone. However, they are the closest and they stay with all these emotions, they have to experience them, face powerlessness and loss. That’s why I don’t cry because of my illness or because I feel bad. I cry thinking of my husband and little daughter that I could leave them. I cannot imagine that Amelka could live and grow up without me. My family is the most important to me.
During my third chemotherapy session, I was lying in the room with the elderly women. I remember them saying that they had already lived life, raised their children, that death might come for them. I experienced these stories very much. After all, I am 31 years old and have a small child.
When I got home, I cried for a week. All seven days. I couldn’t cope with my worst thoughts. I felt death behind my back. At one point, I told my husband how I wanted to be buried. Then he looked at me and asked: «Are you well? Can you hear what you are saying? ». It sobered me up. I am very lucky that my husband is such an optimist. Because more or less everyday situations make thoughts about death come back and you still have to struggle with them. Support is invaluable in such moments.
Thanks to cancer, I found myself
The news that I have cancer in me was a huge shock. It felt as if the whole world had stopped. Then I got used to the situation and thoughts, what will happen next: how will the operation go, how will I endure the chemotherapy, will my hair fall out. The challenge was to explain to my daughter what I might look like and what could happen. Then came a wave of tremendous regret – it was that crying week. I was angry with people that they are alive, that there are people who do not respect each other and still remain healthy. The thoughts dominated that I could not cope, that the end was near. When I finally let go of these emotions, I felt so much relief.
Today I hold on to the fact that it will be good that I will live for a long time. I feel it. My assumption is that I will live at least 20 years to raise my daughter – that is my priority. Setting a goal in front of you is extremely important. Every sick person should have it. This will give it all meaning and make the strength come and the days will take color. We will enjoy small things, such as the fact that the sun is shining or flowers are blooming. This is my transformation, it is also something that my illness brought me. Some will think that I am crazy, but I can see that cancer, although it is physically destroying me from the inside, has given me a lot. Thanks to my illness, I met many positive people, I saw how much good there is, more – thanks to cancer, I found myself and I have a different approach to life. Today I can say that cancer has changed me. That there is Ewelina before and after the diagnosis.
Once I had to plan everything carefully, I didn’t like surprises, I put off a lot of things for later, I was worried about stupid things. After the diagnosis, Ewelina stopped worrying about it, I prefer to act spontaneously. I started baking and cooking although I didn’t like it before. I stopped rushing to nowhere. I have plans for the future. We would like to buy a motorhome with my husband and do some sightseeing together. I’m thinking about the parachute jump. Sometimes it seems to me that I got sick, just to sort things out, that the cancer was a chance for that.
Everyone is surprised that I can talk so freely about my disease, the more that it is still one of the embarrassing ones. My sisters have learned it too, giving me a kick when I feel weak. This is good because the sick person does not need pity, but specific support and mobilization. I have them. Today I can clearly see that the psyche is the most important thing in recovering from illness. The effectiveness of treatment, and therefore whether we survive, largely depends on what is going on in our head.
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